I’ve been neglecting this blog for a while now. It’s just that, as of late, i’ve been able to talk about myself more with others. So the blog just gets a little less useful then. But i’ve been doing some stuff that i wanted to share on here, so here goes!
I got a new dress a few days ago.. Or rather, i got my first dress! And i feel so proud of myself, to have been able to go to a store to buy my clothes for once. Before, i always went online, or to second hand shops (Which i don’t consider the same). So now i’ve finally taken that step, where i’m comfortable buying stuff for myself. ^w^
I remember promising myself back when i was a about 12, that i would not buy any boys clothes ever! That i would buy women’s clothing only. My mom always got me the guys clothes that i have now (Me having a big family and all), so i had the luxery of waiting this long. Gotta say though. It feels great wearing a summer dress during summer! Makes you enjoy summer more, to be honest!
Here’s a picture:
I fear a little for my friend. We were having another argument, about videogames as art. And long story short. Of course videogames can be art, i could have expressed myself better, and my argument was only that videogames should become universally considered art. Much like when the watchmen made comics into high art by creating the “visual novel” genre.
But anyway. The argument wasn’t that important. A very silly argument, really. All i really have to say about it is that she shouldn’t get stressed over it. I fear that she has very severe stress issues, and she’s not seeing anyone about it.. So what can i do? She won’t talk to me right now, and quite frankly, i’m just sick of it. Because it comes across as very disrespectful.
So i finally decided to try and look for love. I’ve gotten a lot of answers and PMs from guys. And i don’t know.. A lot of really nice, cute and handsome men on there. I think i kind of like OkCupid! Only issue i have is that you can’t really officially state that you’re a transsexual. It’s either male or female. Which kind of sucks. But oh well. I’ll try it for a few weeks and see what kind of people i’ll be able to meet.
Was postponed. Sadly. By about 2 weeks. So that means i’ll have to wait even longer..
On a positive note, i’ve decided to go full femme when going down to Uppsala next time, to meet with the transsexual experts. So that’ll be fun! (:
I’ve spent many a-hours and even days pondering privileges as of late. What kind of privileges do we all have? You hear it from feminists especially. They always espouse the male privilege question. “Oh, men has so many privileges in our world”. And sure, they do. Like you’ll hear. They won’t have to worry too much about rape on a day-to-day basis, they’re also stronger, which comes with a lot of advantages. And you could go on with the male privileges. Certain advantages that men just has.
But is that all though? Is that the only set of privileges of a group worth discussing? And is it even that big of a deal, to be a man? Cats are usually said to be one of the most successful animals on the planet. They have all the privileges and none of the responsibilities. But let’s just focus on the privileges of humans instead of going down that rabbit hole. Swedish privileges. We get free healthcare, we have a lot of great social programs for all kinds of people, we have a lot of freedoms that the vast majority of countries could only dream of having (Like “Allemansrätten”, our crém de la crém), our government isn’t nearly as corrupt as the vast majority of countries, we have a good educational system, knowing two languages comes naturally to most of us here (Which means we can communicate very well.. Also a privilege, i’d say), etc. Looking at a country like, let’s say, USA, i could consider myself to be privileged to be a Swedish citizen. My Swede privileges come shining through. Yet, i complain about how we have it here. Because Norway has it better. Norwegian privileges are far better than Swedish privileges. They have no debt, their country handles terrorism like fucking badasses, they speak like the most friendly people on earth, their nature is pristine and illustrious (Fucking Lofoten, fucking please..).
But enough about countries various privileges over one another. What about other ones? Economic privileges. You’re born in a rich family. Compared to most people in your country, you have many more advantages than they have. You’re very privileged. You pretty much won’t ever have to worry about a job. Your future is safe. If it’s not for the many contacts you will no doubt have, it’s your parents. Racial and national privileges. I’m of Swedish decent, so naturally, i will have it easier in my country than people who doesn’t have it. People of Iraqian decent, people of a different skin color. People who dare to speak in an accent that will sure to rile up the Swedish rednecks. I’m privileged.
And men and women. Like i stated before. Male privileges. But what about female privileges? We can make a guy think with the wrong head, and make that an advantage. I know a lot of independent, strong and smart women who exploit that over and over again. Get drinks for free, get men to carry our shit (I’ve done this a few times myself), have a much easier time to crash in men’s places (So long as you know them even remotely well. We’ll pretty much get dibs automatically for being female), we won’t get in fights as much as men (And when we do, they’re usually not as brutal as guy’s tend to make it), we can dress in a lot more outfits due to society’s pressure on guys to not “seem gay”. I could go on. But i won’t.. But i could.
What have i learned from thinking about this? Struggle is a human universal. It seems to me that we all struggle. Be it the rich snob on wallstreet who wants to take away pensions from 100s of workers just to make another million bucks. Or some fisher, getting by in a tough economy and climate change.
These complaints that all these groups have, are all legit. You could probably think of even more. Bottom line is that we all have complaints. Good complaints. Legitimate ones. Here’s an idea. Let’s strive to fix them. Instead of pointing fingers and expecting a group with more (How you can quantify that is way beyond me) privileges than you to kiss your feet because they’re oppressing you by just being. That’s the problem i see. I don’t see good men doing nothing. I see stupid men doing the wrong thing.
In today’s post:
Life progress. Fun with languages, something you might not have known. Poets of the fall rocks!!
Went down to the employment offices, and i’m now instituted (I think that’s the right word to use) into it. Going to call the social services (Don’t know the English equivalent) tomorrow and hear what they might say. That’s all i can really say about it. Let’s hope for the best.
Looked up lexial similarities today. It’s a measurement you use to see how alike two languages are. Norway and Sweden has a 95% similarity and Amerian and british are 99%! So i think that should tell you just how similar Norwegian and Swedish are. 85% being that of a dialect. So that was pretty fun.
I gave a friend on twitter a link to a great song i love (Which will be in the feature) to see if she would like that one. Since she had dissed the great rap songs i sent her last time, i felt that i should try to find some music she likes. Turns out that the first song i sent her, she loved. So much so, that she wanted to find out more of their songs. I’ll list some of my favorite ones at the end of this post.
So yes! I’m feeling a bit better, after having stayed here for a while now. So that’s good.
I will be heading home tomorrow, and call the social services.. or whatever they’re called.
Just for fun, if i can remember, i should write a script for youtube which will make it easier to get embed code for videos on youtube.
In today’s post:
Throwing away rants just to put them up again. Music gets a whole new face on windows. Lazy with flats. Racist opportunists and Swedish rednecks. And vheart telling it like it is.
Penny-arcade sells out (Title of their kickstarter)
At the time of writing this, popular web-comic guys, Penny-arcade, has just started their kickstarter campaign.
I actually wrote a rather extensive post explaining the situation, but ended up not posting it, due to losing passion for it. Mainly because i realize that i’m torn on the subject.
There’s no doubt to anyone that they made a huge mistake going to kickstarter, for obvious reasons. They should have just hosted it on their site.
For those of you not in the know, read this article: http://www.cnet.com.au/penny-arcade-kickstarter-divides-the-internet-339340778.htm
They claim that the reason why they’re doing it is because they think people are tired of ads. But the reason why they’re actually doing this is because they’ve noticed that advertisers are getting more and more stingy, and are trying alternative methods of earning money, rather than bending down to the advertisers demands on showing popups, slow loading flash ads, etc. I wish they could just be forward with that, rather than claiming that it’s for the people they’re doing it.
They’re attempting a model of what they, and many other like to call “crowd funding”. It’s a more fancy word for “begging” or “donation”. So basically — putting the kickstarter thing aside — they’re going to run their site purely on donations. I mean, that’s what it is. I know people are trying to use fancy words to make it sound more noble or whatever, but in essence, this is what they’re doing.
I know i’ve basically ranted on them this whole time, but i actually support their choice. I think they did some bad decisions using Kickstarter, and i think they could have been more upfront with it, rather than insulting the intelligence of their audience. But they’re free to try it. I don’t think it’ll work, at all. I mean, there’s a reason why buissnesses aren’t run like donation funds. But if they want to experiment, then go right ahead.
Me? I would never donate a single penny to them, just so they can keep their business afloat, and i don’t think i need to explain why that would be absurd. They have two of the largest gaming meetups out there, and have a site that’s majorly successful, with plenty of content that they could easily monetize.
It’s one thing with child’s play (Which is a charity organization they own) and maybe medical bills in case one of them gets huge medical bills or something of the sort. But pay just to keep their business afloat. Yea..
Music program update 3
I decided not to do any programming on the music program today. Instead, i completed the first draft of the theme i’m making for the program.
It looks awesome, if i may so so myself.
Other themes that i’m going to make before doing the first release of the program, is a windows classic, windows 7, windows 8 and a girly pink theme.
So yes. No programming today, because for one, i’ve had two days of extensive programming already, and i spent a lot of the day writing something i never published.
So i got lazy today too!! But really, maybe i should wait until monday.
Racist opportunists and Swedish rednecks
There was a festival yesterday night in my town. Some fairly popular Swedish artists came, and there was a huge gathering of people. Oh, and rape, lawlz!1one Yea.. It happened again. Second time in a row. Sigh..
And of course, since i live in a town with Swedish rednecks who only has three issues they shallowly care about (Piracy, immigrants and taxes), we had protests that we need to lower the immigration. I’m certain it was sparked by some racists who used the fact that 70% of all rapists in Sweden are Somalian, and the latest rape incidents.
What more can i say about this? The fact that they’re (Allegedly) demonstrating that we should kick out all immigrants just because the rapists, in this case (I think three are confirmed, but the second incident, we have little info on right now), happened to be people of a different origin, makes me fucking sick to my stomach. And that’s all i’ll say about this. There’s so much more i could say, but i think it speaks for itself. Fuck this town and the horse they rode in on.
Other than that. Not too much. Fell asleep rather late last night. But no matter. Then i watched some youtube videos, and read some wikipedia articles about apes and what not.
Summer is already almost over, i’ve noticed. My little brother only has 5 more weeks of summer break, and we’re already getting cold nights. Maybe just a phase though. I’m sure we’ll get plenty more hot days, but all in all, it’s well over half over now.
Sunday.. So nothing, basically.
vheart, a really cool person on youtube, who talks about math and science, made this really good video about creating content on the internet, yesterday:
Like i said i would.. 5 and 6 done! Of the training! One time this morning and a few minutes ago. Feels great. No more procrastinating or bad planning now though! Tomorrow will be one week since i started it. I should find some better way to keep track of how many times i’ve done it though. Because i always go back on the blog to check! Haha.
Anyway.. Where to start.. I haven’t done much today. Cleaned my room, did some chores. And that’s about it in terms of the real world.
I played a bunch of dungeon village this morning, and i just looove it so far. My town is lv 2 out of 5 right now. Will write my final thoughts on it as soon as i’m done with it. Feels like i game you’d want to play more than once too. So that’s always great.
I was chatting with someone on twitter about responsibility, and i realized that i was in the wrong. She convinced me that she was right. I’m not going to go into specifics. It’s all on my twitter in case anyone’s curious. LittleJennaIsMe. It wasn’t mean spirited or anything. Just a shorter conversation about it. I honestly hadn’t really thought about the issue before. But i feel a little ashamed that i didn’t think it through before opening my damn mouth. It’s that sort of rashness that i have to get rid of. I don’t like it when i do it. When i do, i am by default, a person i feel that i don’t want to be. That is how i view this flaw of mine at least.
It also got me down closer to earth.. Because it made me truly think that “Yes, i am not all that smart”. And yea. It is possible that all i think is wrong. Maybe it’s like that Weird Al
I guess how i should explain it is that it was humbling. Because another flaw i know i have is that i can get too carried away with myself… Again… If i just think things through more…
She’s a very smart woman who i have followed for a long time now. Knows a lot about politics, human relations, philosophy and other such things. My knowledge of most things i ever talk about is purely layman knowledge of a autodidact.
Except.. Programming! Therein lies my expertise. Whether i like it or not. I did some scripting today on youtube. I was thinking of making something proper, that could open videos much faster, and in a manner which i prefer. I’ll show you what i mean as soon as it’s done. Shouldn’t take too long. I made some good functions like that on an earlier script i made for youtube, but decided to just re-write it. Old code is something i just can’t stand.
I was thinking earlier that my next game should be live-a-live. Why not. I’ve seen one single screenshot of it, know next to nothing about it, and lot of the stars are aligned for it to be a wonderful experience. I’m hoping that it’ll be at least somewhat akin to my experience with Chrono trigger, of which i knew even less about going into it initially. But yea. That’ll be good.
Then i should also get back to reading. But i almost feel like my days aren’t long enough. I value spending time with people much more now. Which is understandable, considering where i put myself earlier due to neglecting my own life, and everyone around me. I never want to travel that road again..
Hey, i guess my day wasn’t all that bad. I was feeling like taking the bike and go to a nearby lake on the other side of a mountain… But since i still have some coughs and still isn’t feeling the best i can, i figured i shouldn’t make it worse. So i guess i have to let it wait for the later part of this coming week.
Tomorrow… I should get some job applying stuff done. Still in a “I hope i got in” mood, so i’m kind of in a suspension on the job searching at the moment. At least mentally. I sure as heck hope i’ll get into school. What else is going on tomorrow? Nothing much, really. Just another lazy summer day, i suppose. Oh yea.. I should probably write a little about my younger years compared to my current years tomorrow. Because i had a very strange feeling when i thought about how long ago it was since i turned 18 today. But that’s for tomorrow. I’m already up at around 800 words now. Which is a very long post for me.
Saw this fun little fan video of Majora’s mask today too. Great one!
It is currently 30 minutes or so after midnight right now. Just got home from my brother’s place after an awesome night.
I started the day with completing Mario & Luigi. All i can say is that i’ll miss that game. So much fun. So much humor.. Fun gameplay. If you’re looking for a new game to play, i highly recommend Mario & Luigi: Super star saga. Now… I should probably look into the second and third one for the DS. Never played them for some reason. But yes! Bye bye, bean bean kingdom!!
Then i tried out a game for iOS called “Dungeon village”. I think i’ll be playing that for a while actually. You know how in RPG games, you always have the towns you go to to restock, fill up, restore, heal and all that? Well, in this game, you’re in charge of that town. I’ve only just started, so i’m not too sure how it all works yet, but i can say that i’m having a lot of fun. I’ll write more on it later. It’s a game by the same developers as game dev story and spa story, i believe.
Something i should have thought of before going to my brother, is to work out. I should have done that. Because now i feel it’s a bit too late to be standing in the room, doing that. But i’ve decided that i will be doing it first thing in the morning, and later tomorrow. I know it’s a little cheating, but i’ll have to blame bad timing on this one… on my part…. So i’m blaming myself… For something i should have done for myself. But yea! I won’t feel too bad about it.
Anyway! We had a fantastic time at my brother’s place. He invited three of his friends over. Two of which arrived a little earlier than one of them. I’ve known them all for quite some time myself too, but we don’t really hang out. I just know that i love spending time with all of them. But yea.. We played some “Jamestown”, a 4 player shoot em up game
Needless to say, it’s fun as hell! Bullet-hell, that is!! But then we talked a bit and watched youtube videos. Which is basically all we did for most of the day/night. Oh yea! My brother got a LP player, so we were playing some authentic old stuff on there too. Some late 50s, early 60s jazz for the most part. Fantastic stuff for sure.
We talked a little about RPGs due to the iOS game i’m playing. So we got tracked on an RPG talk for a little while. While we were talking about that, a very obscure game for the SNES was mentioned. A game called “Live a live” was mentioned. Apparently, it has a very unique setup in the way the story unfolds; it was made by squaresoft, no less; it has an English fan translation, so it was only released in Japan.. and i have never heard anyone say anything about it before. It’s one of the most obscure things i’ve ever heard about. Mostly because it was made by such a huge and well known company. I’m totally gonna have to check it out.
So yes! Totally wanna do that again! I haven’t even begun to go into everything we talked about, and i feel we hardly talked at all, even though we sat there for hours upon hours. I mean, we went into a little on religion and stuff, and had so much fun with random standup commedians, ego raptor, regular ordinary swedish mealtime and what not. Ah.. But anyway! I could go on about how awesome it was!
First thing tomorrow, i’ll be doing my exercises, and i will be doing them later tomorrow as well. Oh yea! And some cleaning of the room would be nice too. Quite so! Yes..
I’m slightly drunk..
Because i can’t think of anything i’d like to show at the moment, here’s a cool little Tyson bit on PBS:
So. Second day, second post.
I’ve been feeling very stressed out today. Cold sweating and just all around stressed! Not really anxiousness, but rather, stress.. Which i suppose is a step forward (Granted that i am making a correct assessment of my feelings). I had a fairly good nights sleep last night. Still need to be able to fall asleep easier, but i guess that’ll come eventually.
I’ve been cleaning my room today, so it feels a lot more nicer to be in here now. I also applied for a CNC job. Which makes it the first job i’ve applied to in two-three months. Didn’t eat anything nasty, even though there were a lot of temptations to eat chocolate, i held off. So i’m proud of myself for that!
Lastly, i played some “tekkit” minecraft mod again. Which is a mod pack for minecraft which adds a bunch of new items and what not. Making it a lot more enjoyable, in my opinion (Not that i have anything against playing vanilla minecraft).
I feel that i am at a low point in my life. Having been without work or school for so long. My social skills are at a all time low, my energy is very low, i feel stressed a lot of the time, i’m making no progress in my transition.. But i guess it could always be worse.
Been listening to a lot of jazz lately. Specifically, Miles Davis. Flamenco sketches is just fabulous!
Read some “Little prince” too! It’s hard to read when you stress yourself up a lot. But that being said, it’s a great book so far. I love the way it’s written. Can’t wait to read more. It’s the first book i’m reading in a very long time, so it feels great to get back into reading.
Anyway.. This post got very disjointed and is probably filled with grammar errors and such. But there you go. A fairly boring and uneventful day in the life of me. Taking my first steps to make my life better. Hopefully, my writing should improve as i get better and better. I will also at some point, make a unified design for my twitter, tumblr and wordpress. Really enjoying blogging so far. ^w^