Tag Archive | lady

Day 81: The blog post without a title

In today’s post! Vegans, programming, plants in Sweden, some girly stuff, and politics and philosophy forums!

Vegan pt2

I had a conversation on twitter with a Vegan about animals and meat earlier. It was interesting. I thought about writing up on why i eat meat, and why i have no problems with the whole industry. But to summarize it, i simply don’t look at other animals the same i do humans. They’re very different in terms of ethnics, in my opinion. Now, obviously, i don’t want to mistreat them for no reason, but i think letting them live in abject luxury, letting them live longer, letting them succeed evolutionary, in exchange for us killing them prematurely to eat their meat, is ok to do.
If you put that next to a human, and say that “What if it was a human”, you could make a lot of arguments, but one i think is pretty big is that humans have different needs. Most animals are ok with just being fed, getting to walk freely in a larger area, being sheltered. And we give them that. But i’m always open to change this idea, if evidence against it is presented.

But i digress


I did some programming today. Not too much though, because i don’t want to burn myself again. Don’t think i spent too much time on it though.
Anyway. It was fun! I was thinking of making a music program powered by webkit (Which is what google Chrome uses as well). So far, i haven’t even gotten GTK+ (Which is the platform my program will run on) to work properly. Although, i suppose i didn’t do a proper test to see if it did. Will do more tomorrow if i get in the mood.

Looking for info

I’ve been looking around a little on the web, as of late. One is a forum where you can discuss philosophy, politics and all that; another is a place where plant life of Sweden is indexed. Cause i want to know more about plants here. If push comes to shove though, i might as well just dig it up myself.

Then the other thing is a forum where you can discuss politics, philosophy, etc. Cause i really enjoy doing that, and gods know that this town doesn’t have such a forum. So the internet is the only place i can go for that.


Hopeful about tomorrow, when i’ll get a time with someone to talk about welfare.
Sun finally decided to show up too. After more than 48 hours of absence. My brother seems rather stressed out about his job. He says that all he does is waking up, eating, going to work, sleeping, and that’s it. He’s down in the rot, so to speak. But maybe i’ll sleep at his place next week, and i can make dinner for him, like last time.

I’ve been thinking about about getting new clothes, and some more makeup too. I want some pink nail polish, and i need to buy some more red too. Even small vials lasts pretty long for me. So it’s not too much of a cost. Then i still need to buy a night gown too. I just sleep better with one.
When i get my own place, i will get something to comb my hair with too. I don’t have a brush.. Then i’m totally gonna buy some more things just to make me feel more like me. I’ve missed doing that, and i feel that i really need it. But you know. They’re not major costs. Any of it. Just something i feel i need. Will totally take some pics later.


I’ll call them!! I’ll make sure to set as many alarms as i can. I need to wake up for it! But i think i will wake up. Oooh, it’s gonna be sooo much fun! I can’t wait til i have the time.

Other than that, i suppose i’ll continue with the program some.

Today’s Image/Video

I saw this really cool Kinect invention earlier:


Day 80: Calling America

Calling, calling

Calling America is a song by ELO. When thinking of the title of this post, i thought it was appropriate. Because the song makes me feel pretty good, and the call i made today made me feel pretty good too.

Yes! I did it! Around 8:30am to 9:30am this Thursday, i need to make a call to that exact number, to get a time with a representative/officer.. Whatever it’s called in English. Someone who can arrange something for me.
Feels pretty good… Ok, that’s a lie. Feels very good!

I can’t wait for the day when i finally get to stretch my wings again, collect my thoughts, and start doing something with life. And this is a good step towards that. I feel like i’m getting my life back. Like i’m becoming a human again.


I wrote a post earlier:


It’s about some common arguments i’ve heard against equal marriage rights. What i didn’t really go in depth on in there, was my position. Personally, i think that it should be a contract between consenting adults. 2 or more. That’s what marriage should be. I am not convinced that there’s a need for government to be involved in terms of that.

Oh, and by the way. All my longer write-ups are going to get their own post now. I figured that was the better way to do it, rather than adding it to my day entry.

Tech website

I finally took some steps towards making a website today. The one i’ve been talking about. That was going to be a tumblog. But i’m not sure i should do it. I mean, i want to make lists of things i use (If only, for my own use) in terms of computing and what not, and just write about tech there. Not going to make that this blog though. My general thoughts on life and such fits right in, but i think this is a little too techie for this blog. Not sure if i should just use a template on tumblr, instead of making my own.


Still raining. The sun glimpsed on us for a few minutes, from the clear gray sky, but other than that, constant rain. Still loving it, because a lot of the humidity has gone away due to it not having been warm for a day. But this is only a temporary thing, sadly. Although, i guess it’ll be a little nice to have some sun too.


I’m not sure what i’ll do tomorrow. Kind of amped for this Thursday. Maybe i’ll just enjoy myself for a while. Oh, and i should get my big PC (That broke down a few months ago or so) fixed. Have it sent in. Should be free, since i still have the guarantee.

Today’s Image/Video

A guy talking to his 12-year old self. Need i say more? It’s very good!

Oh, and here’s the song too:

Day 73: School news

Training update

I decided that i would take a two day break from training. I didn’t do any of the excercises yesterday, and none today. I fealt that i just had to take a break from it. That being said. Tomorrow, before taking my first walk, i should do some training. Do it in the afternoon instead.

School update

I finally got a letter from the school. Well, that’s good, right? I didn’t get a no, but i got a reserve spot.. Which makes me wonder how fucking good grades some other people must have had. Or maybe it was just randomly selected, and i happened to be unlucky.. Or maybe they had merits that put them higher up. Either way.. It didn’t make me feel very good. Sure, it’s around spot 15 on one that i applied for, and strangely enough, 18 and 19 on another.. So i haaaveee…. twooo… spoooots? I have no clue. But why am i not shocked? Not a single human in Sweden seem to understand simple database software. So who knows.
Not feeling too optimistic towards it.

3ds update

I could get it tomorrow. Tomorrow could be it!!


Other than all that.. i’ve mostly just been sitting on my ass, tweaking my windows. Tried to make a music experience that i would want, but alas, not a single music program works the way i want it to. Then i added some bar with a program called launchy. Which i will try to use when searching computer for things. Then i looked through the chome webstore a little. Ended up not getting anything. And lastly, i got an android notifier so i will know when my battery is low, when i get a message, and when i get calls on my phone. Seems silly to you? Well, i’d like to have a popup on my computer that shows me these things, because i apparently aren’t at home when things happens on it, and i tend to not check my phone very often. This way, i will be able to keep good track of it!

Oh, yea! And it’s my sister’s birthday today. Good for her.


Tomorrow, i should snail-mail my agree papers to the school. That i agree on the reserve positions. Considering that there are more people who search for more than one course, and that some could jump out anyway, i guess i still do have a chance. But i’m not keeping my hopes up. They got much lower now. But hey! At least i haven’t cried today!

Today’s Video/Image

A really cool image from Kuha Karuhas Pavilion in the Khao Sam Roi Yot national park, Thailand:

Day 70: Emily Jillette is not like a creationist

I was crying in the middle of the day. Quite a bit too. I saw some images of my sister, with her friends. She was all dressed up, she has a boyfriend.. Everything seems to be going so well in her life.
So what did i do? I cried, because it dawned upon me that, perhaps i don’t have a life. I mean, when i do hang out with people, it’s my brother and his friends. I know that it’s up to me to make bonds with friends, and that i can’t really complain. But i guess it was a bit of an epiphany. Decided to remove my sister from my friends list on facebook though! I figured that, maybe it’s best if i keep away from things that make me feel bad. Like people talking about illnesses and stuff. I just don’t want that. My body doesn’t need it, my brain doesn’t need it (You know.. I have some issues with don’t and doesn’t in this case).
All in all, maybe deleting her will stir up some discussion later on. I mean, i’m clearly too much of a coward to engage my transsexuality in public anymore. Just because no one’s really encouraging me to be myself. I feel that i want to be, but as soon as i live here at home, that’s not going to happen.

So yea, i’m pretty depressed. I’d call it gender dysphoria and sadness combined with some other things… But you know.. Labels i probably don’t understand to begin with.
Had some issues sleeping last night too. Which kind of sucks, but i tried to keep my hopes up about it. I have an idea to do exercises that focuses on releasing stress. You know, just wiggle around and get warmed up. I know about some good exercises i learned once from a friend. Re-oxidase the muscles, and get relaxation from that. I think that could be a way out. We’ll see.

Had an argument about freedom with Emily Jillette.. This time, an actual argument, spanning a few hours. All on twitter, which kind of sucks. Hard to really get your point across there. I feel that i should be less open about what i’ve learned from it, and that there’s some nativity on my part (After all, i do know that i have a tendency to always want to be on someone’s good side). But i learned that i should think even more about not making it heated. I hate heating arguments up. It just gets confusing, and it’s not productive in the slightest. Then i learned that i should probably respect countries more, and think less globally. Because i did learn much earlier that you should respect people’s decissions to run the country the way they want.. I mean.. Who am i to tell someone that your way is wrong. Even if i can compare with the way my country is being run, and get good points out of that.. I still think that you should consider the country’s way of doing things. The people over there..

That being said, i remain unconvinced that her point of view is something to strive for. I mean, i get her point, that she wants freedom.. But i think you’re a bit too extreme. I mean.. Where do you draw the line, and how should it all work, when you don’t have a government? The government shouldn’t be allowed to do anything that is against your freedom, etc.. I guess you can’t expect someone to write down how it all should work on twitter though. But i think she summed it up best yesterday when she basically said that she doesn’t need a plan.. How can she expect anyone to jump on board the “no-government enforcement train”, when you have no idea where the rail even is.
But you know.. All in all, at least she can admit that maybe she’s wrong. Which i find to be very admirable. It’s a lot more than what you can say about creationists, who will say that just as a formality at best, and simply claim to be right about everything, at worst.
She may be a little too stuck up in her own view.. Although, i have to admit that i could be wrong on that. After all, i suppose you shouldn’t confuse passion with lunatic. Even if they go hand in hand a lot of the time.

Sunday tomorrow. I hate sundays! Keep in mind, that i don’t listen to Penn’s sunday school on sundays, but rather, on mondays when the recording’s up. So there’s very little to do on sundays. I want my 3DS and games, i want to know if i will get into the school i applied to, and i want some hope.. I want things to do.. It’s coming. Life will not always be this way.

Seems that i went over the 800 mark on this one. Had a lot to say. Not sure if it’ll offend someone. Probably will. People get offended at everything these days. Not that i mind. I’m not like one of those douches who will put “trigger warning” next to the title. Because.. Really.. You might as well do that on everything then!!
One last thing.. I saw that wordpress has a section where it shows popular tags. Might as well use that to see if any of them fit into what i have talked about here: http://en.wordpress.com/#!/read/topics/ Since

Couldn’t really think of a video to link this time. So here’s a response from Mario to PETA.

Day 63: Nail polish!

You know, i really need to stop peeling skin off of my left finger. Let it heal.. Let it heal..
Today, i met up with a friend of mine, and we spent some time together, just walking and talking about various stuff. She gave me some of her nail polish, because she wasn’t using them. Not the most spectacular colors (Green, blue and orangy-pink). I do like it though! I think the blue and green goes very nicely on my toes. Took some time to paint them today ^w^!

My stress today.. I’d say it’s been ok. I kind of don’t want to have to deal with it anymore. But there you go. Starting monday, i’ll get to live with my brother for a little while, so it should get better then! Also, it looks like we’re gonna get some rain for a while too. Which is great! I highly prefer the cooler weather over the warm weather. But overall, i shouldn’t think of it too much!

I made an “Overly attached girlfriend” face today in the mirror, and got myself to laugh.  Yea.. Maybe i’ll take a pic later, and show it off! If i can remember it! Hehe!
I came up with the thought of asking my big sister if she has any old clothes she’s not wearing anymore, that she could give away.. But maybe that’s a really silly thing to ask. Idonno.

I guess that about does it. Nothing much really happened today. Kind of want it to become monday, so i can check on the pink 3ds thing. I checked the email i got from paypal, where it said that i could expect the money to be on my bank account around the 26th-ish.
I, i, i, i, i! I know i should capitalize the I all the time, but i don’t do it because i think it’s a stupid rule. I’m such a rebel..  But i pimped my ipod a little with some pink.. Yea..

Tomorrow, i think i’ll do some cleaning! And i guess, just relax.

I saw her a few minutes ago, and decided i should subscribe to her:

Day 33: Home away from home pt3 (Final): Transsexualism and dream guy

I’ve been thinking a lot about transsexualism today. Someone i like writing to on twitter PMed me about dating sites, and how it was kind of sad that i will probably have to resort to that eventually.
It got me thinking. Been a day of pondering.

At the start of the day, i thought about what my goals were. I really don’t have a passion anymore. So i still need to figure it out. But then transsexualism came up. And.. I Just don’t know right now. It’s hard to find someone as it is in this world. I may never find the right one for me. Thoughts about being abused and played with comes up. You know.. What if i find a guy who asks me out, and it just turns out that he made a bet with his friends or something.. But now i think it’s the movies talking. You never know until you try.

I’ve been meaning to write about my dream guy for a while now. I don’t know. It seems like a fun thing to do. We all dream about the perfect person, after all. I think one of the most important things about my dream guy though, is that he shouldn’t be perfect. Not just because expecting perfection is unrealistic, but also because a non-perfect person is more likable, in my opinion. In a more loose sense of the term, of course.. I want someone with his own story to tell. A deep person with a lot of interesting thoughts. I want him to know how to treat a lady. I want him to be romantic, not only in a dating sense, but also in a sense that nature is a romantic thing. Maybe that doesn’t make sense though. He should be someone i can talk to, and turn to. Someone who doesn’t get tired of me going on about my issues, and someone who wants to share his issues with me. Someone i can be a team with. Then if he looks totally sexy and has a huge penis, that’s just a plus. :3
Most of all though. In my case, i need it to be someone who is ok with me being who i am. Otherwise, it’s not going to work. 

But hey.. Maybe i’m not even transsexual to begin with. I haven’t gotten a professional diagnosis on it. All i know is that i love being referred to as a woman, i love feeling like a woman, i love looking at myself as a woman, i feel very strangely towards my physiological gender. Sometimes, even very depressed at it.. Or maybe, since i do so little during the days, these days, most of the time. Not a day goes by that i’m not thinking about it. To a lesser or higher extent. It simply feels right for me to be a woman. But i’ll have to admit that i have an open mind on the issue. Even though i am very sure of myself on this.

Anyway. That’s enough of that. Maybe i’ll write more about it some other time.
I completed golden sun last night, like i said i would. Damn, does that game still hold up in terms of its writing, atmosphare, characters and story. Graphics aren’t quite as impressive anymore, but hey… If you want a very good JRPG, you can’t go wrong with Golden sun.
Feeling a little saddened that i don’t have anything to play now. I should start playing a Mario game or something. Oooh, i know! Mario and luigi: super star saga! Now that weekend is coming! Heck yes! Love that game!

But yea. Last day at my brother’s place. Then it’s back to the parent’s house again, and back to regular calling schedule. I sure hope tomorrow won’t be as warm as today. I really don’t like sweating. Currently am. Then i have to go to an apointment with the employment office people at 3pmish.. Ugh. I’m sure that will prove to be enlightening. “Oh, you don’t have a job and now we’re not gonna give you anymore money. Lawlz. Oh, and call moar, u lajzy bum!”. Always so encouraging and non-depressive.

Saw  this vsauce leanback earlier today. Just a collection of human behavior and brain stuff, presented in a very good and fun way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm7wlXXfCTo&list=PL58CD3A73AFD20DF8&feature=plpp_play_all Highly recommended if you’re interested.. or heck.. even if you’re not interested.

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