I’ve been meaning to write for a while now, but i just haven’t had the inclination. Been spending the last few weeks pondering about my future, and what i need to do. I keep hearing about “closing the loop” and how we need to go on with our lives. So let me tell you something about all that.
A few years back, i decided to go off on my own, to a school in a small town called “Kramfors”. I did it in hopes to persue my dreams of becoming a videogame programmer.
To make a long story short, it didn’t work out, and i lost my dream, and someone i loved.
Why am i keeping it so short? Why am i not telling the story in depth? That’s kind of what i wanted to make this post about. Because i promised myself, a few years back, that i would make a video, where i talked about all this. Just to wrap it up, to close the loop, to move forward.
Furthermore, i always wanted to make videos. I feel i could be the most productive, most creative and most dilligent that i could be, in that format.
So here’s what i’ll do. I’ll still write on my blog (By the way, i’m sorry for not updating it in a long time). I feel it could coincide with my videos, without being too redundant. I’ll upload the first video about this story i’ve briefly told on this post. And after that, i will keep my channel varied. I wanna talk about trans issues, mainly. But also videogames, science, and a lot of other things i love!
I feel this is the logical progression for me. I feel that i need to do it! As embarrassing and hard it’ll be to look at myself, and hear myself talk; i know it’ll be a lot of fun, and it’ll teach me a thing or two!
So look forward to a lot of Jenna, in the near future!
I decided to doll myself up real good, and take a bunch of pictures. Here are a few of them that i wanted to share ^w^
My hair has gotten really long. I like it!
For once, i actually feel kind of sexy and really good with myself today. It’s an odd feeling.. But now, i’ll enjoy it, and indulge myself in some self-esteem for once!
By the way, i’m wearing my new dress (Not that you can see much of it).
Short post today! First of, i started following my big sister on wordpress! One of my siblings finally started something creative on the web for once. Everyone else kind of avoids it!
And yes! I got a new dress! Like i’ve said before. This might seem like a small thing. But for me, it’s a step towards my normalcy (I’ll explain that in more detail later). It’s a frilly dress that’s more lightweight than the other one i got. No straps (Only my bra straps).. And it’s awesome! So yay me!
I’ve been neglecting this blog for a while now. It’s just that, as of late, i’ve been able to talk about myself more with others. So the blog just gets a little less useful then. But i’ve been doing some stuff that i wanted to share on here, so here goes!
I got a new dress a few days ago.. Or rather, i got my first dress! And i feel so proud of myself, to have been able to go to a store to buy my clothes for once. Before, i always went online, or to second hand shops (Which i don’t consider the same). So now i’ve finally taken that step, where i’m comfortable buying stuff for myself. ^w^
I remember promising myself back when i was a about 12, that i would not buy any boys clothes ever! That i would buy women’s clothing only. My mom always got me the guys clothes that i have now (Me having a big family and all), so i had the luxery of waiting this long. Gotta say though. It feels great wearing a summer dress during summer! Makes you enjoy summer more, to be honest!
Here’s a picture:
I fear a little for my friend. We were having another argument, about videogames as art. And long story short. Of course videogames can be art, i could have expressed myself better, and my argument was only that videogames should become universally considered art. Much like when the watchmen made comics into high art by creating the “visual novel” genre.
But anyway. The argument wasn’t that important. A very silly argument, really. All i really have to say about it is that she shouldn’t get stressed over it. I fear that she has very severe stress issues, and she’s not seeing anyone about it.. So what can i do? She won’t talk to me right now, and quite frankly, i’m just sick of it. Because it comes across as very disrespectful.
So i finally decided to try and look for love. I’ve gotten a lot of answers and PMs from guys. And i don’t know.. A lot of really nice, cute and handsome men on there. I think i kind of like OkCupid! Only issue i have is that you can’t really officially state that you’re a transsexual. It’s either male or female. Which kind of sucks. But oh well. I’ll try it for a few weeks and see what kind of people i’ll be able to meet.
Was postponed. Sadly. By about 2 weeks. So that means i’ll have to wait even longer..
On a positive note, i’ve decided to go full femme when going down to Uppsala next time, to meet with the transsexual experts. So that’ll be fun! (:
An update post is coming later today, but in the meantime, I would like to urge my followers and readers to help out a friend with her name change.
Here’s her donation page: http://www.gofundme.com/1t9t40
So if you could please help, i would be most thankful and it would mean a lot to me. Thank you, thank you. (:
Today, my blog turns one year. So let’s summerise the state of my blog, and what has happened during this first year, and let’s give some thank yous to people.
- I’ve managed to accrue 101 followers in one year. Which i think is really good.
- I get about 20 views or more a day depending whether or not i wrote a post, and what day it is. But generally, it’s a little over 20 views daily.
- I get about 2 likes a post. Sometimes none, sometimes 4.
- Most comments, i get on my twitter. Which is now up to 280 followers.
- My most viewed post has gotten over 480 views, and is about milotic as a transgender symbol. Which initially made my friend, Jocelyn, whom i talk a a lot about, angry. But i think overall, it strengthened our friendship. She came to her senses the next day.
- I’ve gone from posting daily to writing once or twice a week.
- I’ve gone from not having anything in terms of plans, to having an internship (Which the people at my job are very grateful for, i’ve been told), a psychiatrist my own flat; i’ve gotten to the doorstep of meeting with an expert on transsexuals, i can now handle my anxiety much better and i’m going to get a work psychiatrist later on too. So a lot of help.
- And i’ve started to get more into the transsexual community. Both on reddit and everywhere else.
Those are the ones i can think of right now. The major ones.
I think my blog has been very important to me, and i’m really happy that so many people would care to read what i have to say. For that, i am truly thankful.
My predictions for next year will be that i have started my transition. That’s a major one. Then i would like to go full time as a woman. I’d like to have moved out. Preferably Göteborg. The largest city in the south of Sweden (Where my big sister lives). And that’s about all i can really hope for. Who knows what life is going to bring.
Once again. Thanks to anyone who has ever read my blog, and thanks for all the twitter comments. You’re all great! ❤
Well, it’s around 9:50pm here right now, and tomorrow i start my journey to Uppsala to meet with fate. I’m finally, after so long, after so many years spent in denial, so many years spent in contemplation, so many years feeling that i don’t fit in, so many years not being me. Tomorrow starts my journey to counteract all of that. To start being myself. It won’t be easy, and i won’t just instantly start going full time (Because, you know, it’s not exactly easy with the hair i have). But i’ll reach a milestone to where that will become reality, not too far away from now.
I feel nervous, happy, anxious and ready! Tomorrow will hold a lot. It will bring a lot. I might write updates on my phone, of my journey. If only to keep my anxiousness away.
See you on the other side, everyone.