I’ve been pondering “Girl gamers” as of late. Specifically, the Ubisoft spokeswoman who spoke at last years E3 (I Think it was the 2012 one). You could google it if you want the details, but basically, she was lambasted by a bunch of people, for just being a facade, a poser, a brainiac in a dress! Whatever you choose to call it! She replied to the weird criticism (Which was because she was a woman, let’s not pretend here.. But i have a point, so give me a few more sentences) by stating that she had gamed, saved more princesses, killed more monsters and saved more kingdoms than them (The ones critizing her). She said that she had been doing it before they were even born! And she had. She could prove all of it! And i thought it was the coolest reponse ever! Not only did she not play the victim card (Which is easy to do, and kind of a weakling’s way out when it comes to just words), but she told those bastards! If only i could remember her name..
But anyway! I was thinking about why she got the backlash to begin with. And her being a woman is certainly a part of it. But i think the root of it is that she is a woman, and women, traditionally doesn’t play games! It’s an instant disqualifyer in the minds of people such as that, i think! And any jock type guy, or little kid seems to land in a similar category!
What i’m getting at is that i think geeks just want others to suffer like they did. All old school geeks grew up getting bullied for liking Zelda, Mario, Sonic, Pacman, etc! And i’m among them! I remember having to be quiet about what i liked. Anyone even mentioning anything remotely geeky (Minus sports geeking.. That was ok) was subject to teasing or more commonly, bullying!
What i’m saying is that, there’s no wonder geeks are so sensitive! They want to rat out any poser. Any jock or girl, who used to bully them, who know, all of a sudden, think it’s cool! All the hell the geeks went through, just to have their hobby hijacked by jocks and girls! Fucking shit!!
That’s my opinion on what i think is part of, if not the root of the reason why geeks track down on girl gamers so much! Of course, they’re stupid morons when they think they’re in any authority to quiz women on games, as some sort of test. It’s pedantic nonsense.. But at least i’ve shared a little as to why i think they do it!
They’re just not happy about how things ended up!
EDIT: I should note that i think the term “girl gamer” is stupid! As far as i’m concerned, you’re a gamer.. Gender has nothing to do with it! So don’t be a dumb shit, like the girl portrayed here:
I’ve been neglecting this blog for a while now. It’s just that, as of late, i’ve been able to talk about myself more with others. So the blog just gets a little less useful then. But i’ve been doing some stuff that i wanted to share on here, so here goes!
I got a new dress a few days ago.. Or rather, i got my first dress! And i feel so proud of myself, to have been able to go to a store to buy my clothes for once. Before, i always went online, or to second hand shops (Which i don’t consider the same). So now i’ve finally taken that step, where i’m comfortable buying stuff for myself. ^w^
I remember promising myself back when i was a about 12, that i would not buy any boys clothes ever! That i would buy women’s clothing only. My mom always got me the guys clothes that i have now (Me having a big family and all), so i had the luxery of waiting this long. Gotta say though. It feels great wearing a summer dress during summer! Makes you enjoy summer more, to be honest!
Here’s a picture:
I fear a little for my friend. We were having another argument, about videogames as art. And long story short. Of course videogames can be art, i could have expressed myself better, and my argument was only that videogames should become universally considered art. Much like when the watchmen made comics into high art by creating the “visual novel” genre.
But anyway. The argument wasn’t that important. A very silly argument, really. All i really have to say about it is that she shouldn’t get stressed over it. I fear that she has very severe stress issues, and she’s not seeing anyone about it.. So what can i do? She won’t talk to me right now, and quite frankly, i’m just sick of it. Because it comes across as very disrespectful.
So i finally decided to try and look for love. I’ve gotten a lot of answers and PMs from guys. And i don’t know.. A lot of really nice, cute and handsome men on there. I think i kind of like OkCupid! Only issue i have is that you can’t really officially state that you’re a transsexual. It’s either male or female. Which kind of sucks. But oh well. I’ll try it for a few weeks and see what kind of people i’ll be able to meet.
Was postponed. Sadly. By about 2 weeks. So that means i’ll have to wait even longer..
On a positive note, i’ve decided to go full femme when going down to Uppsala next time, to meet with the transsexual experts. So that’ll be fun! (:
In today’s post:
Transsexual thoughts. Lots of writing. Music program updates. And augmented reality concept short.
My transsexual dilemma
I feel a bit torn.. Like i explained in a earlier post, i feel that i will split this family. I either want to be open to everyone in my family (And everyone on earth), which includes their friends and everything, or distance myself from my family as a whole. Which includes instances of me being alone with them somewhere. I really hate having to hide my transsexuality. Which i am pretty much forced to do now. So it’s a hard thing for me to deal with. It could also be that i’m over thinking things, and making myself into a victim. I should be very wary of the possibility that that is what i’m doing.
Still, i can’t help but to wonder exactly how many around my family’s going to be able to accept me for who i am, and what my closest family members will say to me, in regards to everyone else in the family.
Reason why i’m thinking so much about this right now, is because my mom is having a party at home. And we’re like, 30 or more here. So it’s quite big. A lot of family, friends and friends of friends. And to wrap up my thoughts on my transsexuality on this matter (Which is weird to do when you’ve started a new paragraph, but oh well), i’m just wondering if i’m going to get a lot of people in my family, telling me that they’re ashamed, and that they want me to hide it from others. Because if i get that, then so be it. I’ll simply have to distance myself. I’m not going to hide forever.
Been sitting in my room for the most part, contemplating about my situation. I don’t really feel like socializing when i don’t really know what people really think of me. Not that many out there (In the house right now) really know about my transsexuality, but i feel like i don’t want to get used to being with them, if they’re just going to dismiss me later.. Maybe it’s wrong of me to think like that though. Another thing i think could be a factor is gender dysphoria. I really don’t like how other women get to dress up, and i don’t. I think i wrote more about exactly what situation i’m in, but basically, i’m just respecting the wish of my mom who asked me not to dress up around dad. Which i will do while i live at them. Plain and simple.
Anyway.. Huge digression there. Kind of disjointed. But oh well. Been writing a lot today. With this entry, it’s three posts in one day. Damn.. My fingers are burning! Other than that.. I’ve pretty much just been sitting here, being depressed for the most part.
Music program update
Did a little more on the music program too. Now i have some kind of framework, and i can actually start making the full interface for it with HTML/JS/CSS. Fun times to be had with that. Finally some graphical stuff, as opposed to fixing linking issues and what not. Nothing new to really show yet though. But i will have something in due time, i’m sure.
Well, it’s sunday.. And people are going to be party sick tomorrow. So i guess i will just relax. Seems like a good idea. Oh, and on monday, i’ll have the 100th daily entry! I should do something special about that. Compile some pictures and videos, i think.
In today’s post! Vegans, programming, plants in Sweden, some girly stuff, and politics and philosophy forums!
I had a conversation on twitter with a Vegan about animals and meat earlier. It was interesting. I thought about writing up on why i eat meat, and why i have no problems with the whole industry. But to summarize it, i simply don’t look at other animals the same i do humans. They’re very different in terms of ethnics, in my opinion. Now, obviously, i don’t want to mistreat them for no reason, but i think letting them live in abject luxury, letting them live longer, letting them succeed evolutionary, in exchange for us killing them prematurely to eat their meat, is ok to do.
If you put that next to a human, and say that “What if it was a human”, you could make a lot of arguments, but one i think is pretty big is that humans have different needs. Most animals are ok with just being fed, getting to walk freely in a larger area, being sheltered. And we give them that. But i’m always open to change this idea, if evidence against it is presented.
But i digress
I did some programming today. Not too much though, because i don’t want to burn myself again. Don’t think i spent too much time on it though.
Anyway. It was fun! I was thinking of making a music program powered by webkit (Which is what google Chrome uses as well). So far, i haven’t even gotten GTK+ (Which is the platform my program will run on) to work properly. Although, i suppose i didn’t do a proper test to see if it did. Will do more tomorrow if i get in the mood.
Looking for info
I’ve been looking around a little on the web, as of late. One is a forum where you can discuss philosophy, politics and all that; another is a place where plant life of Sweden is indexed. Cause i want to know more about plants here. If push comes to shove though, i might as well just dig it up myself.
Then the other thing is a forum where you can discuss politics, philosophy, etc. Cause i really enjoy doing that, and gods know that this town doesn’t have such a forum. So the internet is the only place i can go for that.
Hopeful about tomorrow, when i’ll get a time with someone to talk about welfare.
Sun finally decided to show up too. After more than 48 hours of absence. My brother seems rather stressed out about his job. He says that all he does is waking up, eating, going to work, sleeping, and that’s it. He’s down in the rot, so to speak. But maybe i’ll sleep at his place next week, and i can make dinner for him, like last time.
I’ve been thinking about about getting new clothes, and some more makeup too. I want some pink nail polish, and i need to buy some more red too. Even small vials lasts pretty long for me. So it’s not too much of a cost. Then i still need to buy a night gown too. I just sleep better with one.
When i get my own place, i will get something to comb my hair with too. I don’t have a brush.. Then i’m totally gonna buy some more things just to make me feel more like me. I’ve missed doing that, and i feel that i really need it. But you know. They’re not major costs. Any of it. Just something i feel i need. Will totally take some pics later.
I’ll call them!! I’ll make sure to set as many alarms as i can. I need to wake up for it! But i think i will wake up. Oooh, it’s gonna be sooo much fun! I can’t wait til i have the time.
Other than that, i suppose i’ll continue with the program some.
I saw this really cool Kinect invention earlier:
Calling America is a song by ELO. When thinking of the title of this post, i thought it was appropriate. Because the song makes me feel pretty good, and the call i made today made me feel pretty good too.
Yes! I did it! Around 8:30am to 9:30am this Thursday, i need to make a call to that exact number, to get a time with a representative/officer.. Whatever it’s called in English. Someone who can arrange something for me.
Feels pretty good… Ok, that’s a lie. Feels very good!
I can’t wait for the day when i finally get to stretch my wings again, collect my thoughts, and start doing something with life. And this is a good step towards that. I feel like i’m getting my life back. Like i’m becoming a human again.
I wrote a post earlier:
It’s about some common arguments i’ve heard against equal marriage rights. What i didn’t really go in depth on in there, was my position. Personally, i think that it should be a contract between consenting adults. 2 or more. That’s what marriage should be. I am not convinced that there’s a need for government to be involved in terms of that.
Oh, and by the way. All my longer write-ups are going to get their own post now. I figured that was the better way to do it, rather than adding it to my day entry.
I finally took some steps towards making a website today. The one i’ve been talking about. That was going to be a tumblog. But i’m not sure i should do it. I mean, i want to make lists of things i use (If only, for my own use) in terms of computing and what not, and just write about tech there. Not going to make that this blog though. My general thoughts on life and such fits right in, but i think this is a little too techie for this blog. Not sure if i should just use a template on tumblr, instead of making my own.
Still raining. The sun glimpsed on us for a few minutes, from the clear gray sky, but other than that, constant rain. Still loving it, because a lot of the humidity has gone away due to it not having been warm for a day. But this is only a temporary thing, sadly. Although, i guess it’ll be a little nice to have some sun too.
I’m not sure what i’ll do tomorrow. Kind of amped for this Thursday. Maybe i’ll just enjoy myself for a while. Oh, and i should get my big PC (That broke down a few months ago or so) fixed. Have it sent in. Should be free, since i still have the guarantee.
A guy talking to his 12-year old self. Need i say more? It’s very good!
Oh, and here’s the song too:
I decided that i would take a two day break from training. I didn’t do any of the excercises yesterday, and none today. I fealt that i just had to take a break from it. That being said. Tomorrow, before taking my first walk, i should do some training. Do it in the afternoon instead.
I finally got a letter from the school. Well, that’s good, right? I didn’t get a no, but i got a reserve spot.. Which makes me wonder how fucking good grades some other people must have had. Or maybe it was just randomly selected, and i happened to be unlucky.. Or maybe they had merits that put them higher up. Either way.. It didn’t make me feel very good. Sure, it’s around spot 15 on one that i applied for, and strangely enough, 18 and 19 on another.. So i haaaveee…. twooo… spoooots? I have no clue. But why am i not shocked? Not a single human in Sweden seem to understand simple database software. So who knows.
Not feeling too optimistic towards it.
I could get it tomorrow. Tomorrow could be it!!
Other than all that.. i’ve mostly just been sitting on my ass, tweaking my windows. Tried to make a music experience that i would want, but alas, not a single music program works the way i want it to. Then i added some bar with a program called launchy. Which i will try to use when searching computer for things. Then i looked through the chome webstore a little. Ended up not getting anything. And lastly, i got an android notifier so i will know when my battery is low, when i get a message, and when i get calls on my phone. Seems silly to you? Well, i’d like to have a popup on my computer that shows me these things, because i apparently aren’t at home when things happens on it, and i tend to not check my phone very often. This way, i will be able to keep good track of it!
Oh, yea! And it’s my sister’s birthday today. Good for her.
Tomorrow, i should snail-mail my agree papers to the school. That i agree on the reserve positions. Considering that there are more people who search for more than one course, and that some could jump out anyway, i guess i still do have a chance. But i’m not keeping my hopes up. They got much lower now. But hey! At least i haven’t cried today!
A really cool image from Kuha Karuhas Pavilion in the Khao Sam Roi Yot national park, Thailand:
I was crying in the middle of the day. Quite a bit too. I saw some images of my sister, with her friends. She was all dressed up, she has a boyfriend.. Everything seems to be going so well in her life.
So what did i do? I cried, because it dawned upon me that, perhaps i don’t have a life. I mean, when i do hang out with people, it’s my brother and his friends. I know that it’s up to me to make bonds with friends, and that i can’t really complain. But i guess it was a bit of an epiphany. Decided to remove my sister from my friends list on facebook though! I figured that, maybe it’s best if i keep away from things that make me feel bad. Like people talking about illnesses and stuff. I just don’t want that. My body doesn’t need it, my brain doesn’t need it (You know.. I have some issues with don’t and doesn’t in this case).
All in all, maybe deleting her will stir up some discussion later on. I mean, i’m clearly too much of a coward to engage my transsexuality in public anymore. Just because no one’s really encouraging me to be myself. I feel that i want to be, but as soon as i live here at home, that’s not going to happen.
So yea, i’m pretty depressed. I’d call it gender dysphoria and sadness combined with some other things… But you know.. Labels i probably don’t understand to begin with.
Had some issues sleeping last night too. Which kind of sucks, but i tried to keep my hopes up about it. I have an idea to do exercises that focuses on releasing stress. You know, just wiggle around and get warmed up. I know about some good exercises i learned once from a friend. Re-oxidase the muscles, and get relaxation from that. I think that could be a way out. We’ll see.
Had an argument about freedom with Emily Jillette.. This time, an actual argument, spanning a few hours. All on twitter, which kind of sucks. Hard to really get your point across there. I feel that i should be less open about what i’ve learned from it, and that there’s some nativity on my part (After all, i do know that i have a tendency to always want to be on someone’s good side). But i learned that i should think even more about not making it heated. I hate heating arguments up. It just gets confusing, and it’s not productive in the slightest. Then i learned that i should probably respect countries more, and think less globally. Because i did learn much earlier that you should respect people’s decissions to run the country the way they want.. I mean.. Who am i to tell someone that your way is wrong. Even if i can compare with the way my country is being run, and get good points out of that.. I still think that you should consider the country’s way of doing things. The people over there..
That being said, i remain unconvinced that her point of view is something to strive for. I mean, i get her point, that she wants freedom.. But i think you’re a bit too extreme. I mean.. Where do you draw the line, and how should it all work, when you don’t have a government? The government shouldn’t be allowed to do anything that is against your freedom, etc.. I guess you can’t expect someone to write down how it all should work on twitter though. But i think she summed it up best yesterday when she basically said that she doesn’t need a plan.. How can she expect anyone to jump on board the “no-government enforcement train”, when you have no idea where the rail even is.
But you know.. All in all, at least she can admit that maybe she’s wrong. Which i find to be very admirable. It’s a lot more than what you can say about creationists, who will say that just as a formality at best, and simply claim to be right about everything, at worst.
She may be a little too stuck up in her own view.. Although, i have to admit that i could be wrong on that. After all, i suppose you shouldn’t confuse passion with lunatic. Even if they go hand in hand a lot of the time.
Sunday tomorrow. I hate sundays! Keep in mind, that i don’t listen to Penn’s sunday school on sundays, but rather, on mondays when the recording’s up. So there’s very little to do on sundays. I want my 3DS and games, i want to know if i will get into the school i applied to, and i want some hope.. I want things to do.. It’s coming. Life will not always be this way.
Seems that i went over the 800 mark on this one. Had a lot to say. Not sure if it’ll offend someone. Probably will. People get offended at everything these days. Not that i mind. I’m not like one of those douches who will put “trigger warning” next to the title. Because.. Really.. You might as well do that on everything then!!
One last thing.. I saw that wordpress has a section where it shows popular tags. Might as well use that to see if any of them fit into what i have talked about here: http://en.wordpress.com/#!/read/topics/ Since
Couldn’t really think of a video to link this time. So here’s a response from Mario to PETA.