Tag Archive | friend

Helping another friend

I’ve written about a transsexual friend of mine on her before, and linked to her transition donation fund. And now i wanna do that with another friend, who recently made it known that she needs some help.

I might not agree with some of the actions she’s taken with transition. But i do understand that desperate times require desperate measures. So i want to lend a hand as best i can, because she’s a good person. Sadly, i don’t have any money, and won’t have for who knows how long. But maybe anyone reading this does. If so, i would like you to help her monetarily. Heck, send her a PM of well wishes if you have the time to spare.

Here’s her page: http://www.gofundme.com/2cg8rw

Transition is a bitch! Let’s make it a little less bitchy for one individual.


Jenna and friends. Spoiler. It ends poorly!

I decided to end a friendship i had. Because i can’t be dealing with conflicting thougthts on whether or not i’m a friend to her. And that’s all i really need to say. I guess to point out an example. The recent thing that tipped me over the edge was a very trivial argument we had. I think i talked about this earlier, so i won’t go into detail. But it ended with her starting to ignore me.. For days. And during those days, i was questioning and wondering about friendship. ANd i feel that, if i have to do that, then is she really a friend? If that is on my mind so often with her, then what am i doing? I obviously have issues accepting her as a friend, and if years of chatting and what not isn’t enough, then what is? I have to come to a point where i tell myself that it’s not worth it. Someone i’m very skeptical about, whether or not she is a friend, is she really a friend?

It’s obvious that she is doing things to me to question it in the first place. But my skeptical view point — Or maybe cynical — of our friendship really can’t be just because of her. It’s on me as much, if not more. You know. Maybe someone me and her just aren’t meant to be friends. Maybe we’re just not compatible.

I’m the worst person i know

Emo title. But i think it’s fitting. Because i am a bad person. I should probably just come to terms with it, and proceed to killing puppies.. I’m joking about the puppies.

As a followup to the previous post, it seems that all i caused for my friend was stress. She apparently had a panic attack or something. Which isn’t surprising. Because just look at who she’s talking with. I’m a transsexual who’s the least genuine and most stressed out person ever. I haven’t made an honest effort to dress as myself in public, for a long time. Just because of some irrational fear that things are just gonna get more complicated.. Just because both mom and dad seem to not want it. I mean, how weak can you be, right? Well, not much weaker than me, apparently.

Then the stress that i must exude at every single meeting, offline or online. I don’t know.. I shouldn’t say “I don’t know all the time”, but i don’t know about people. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s me. That i am the one who is expecting too much, putting too much pressure and being the asshole. Maybe everything i’ve ever done towards someone, that they didn’t like, has been my fault. Maybe that’s true.

I might have to come to terms that i’m bad, like i said at the beginning of this post. And i owe it all to my disingenuous sense of being. Just the fact that i’m moping and moaning about this just makes it all worse too. Just thought i’d add that.

Disappointment in a friend

Woke up a few hours ago. I stopped lying down like a lazy shit, and came to my senses just now. I’ve been a bit annoyed, frustrated and incredibly disappointed for the later part of yesterday, and all of today. The reason is because me and a friend of mine were having an argument over something. It’s kind of a silly topic, but i think that what she did was far from it, and incredibly disrespectful. Of course, she won’t see it that way. Because to her, i just want to be right all the time.

We were talking about Nintendo putting ads on the footage of the games that they own. Which includes any non-partnered let’s play channel. A let’s play is when someone plays a game through, and adds his or her commentary to it. By all accounts, they don’t own the rights to the footage, unless they’re a partner.

So with that said. We were arguing whether or not this is ok. I said that i didn’t really mind Nintendo doing it. Only that i thought it was a really stupid decision. Because the short term profit is not with the bad reputation that they’re getting because of it. But sure.. My argument isn’t that they’re wrong to do so. Just the thought behind it. Because i can’t imagine this turning out in their favor.
She argued that people shouldn’t put their ads on footage they don’t own, period! And that anyone who does is no better than an art thief, and that they should get a real job.
Now, i should argued her argument directly, but at this point, i was kind of angry at her. Because i know how big of a fan of gamegrumps she is, and they, if anyone, is making a living off of doing it. I think it’s worth noting that she took this angry i had for her, as me caring about Nintendo putting ads on their videos.. But no. I was angry at you, rest assured. Because you’re sounding like a total hypocrite at this point in the argument.

So instead of arguing that, which i should have, i suppose, i decided to talk about the partner channels. If only, to prove a point to her. Because the partner channels are completely unaffected by companies putting ads on their videos. Just because the partner channels on youtube owns the rights to the footage. They’ve bought it!
Keep in mind that, at this point, she isn’t responding. I tell her about how gamegrumps is making a living off of “stealing” (As she puts it) and by not having a real job (As she also put it).
There, i proved my point, i thought. Maybe she’ll understand that it isn’t as clear as she had previously put it. At this point, the argument has nothing to do with Nintendo, and all to do with her two points here. I wrote a lot about it.. Because quite frankly, she’s being a hypocrite.

Time goes.. 5 minutes.. another 5 minutes.. yet another 5.. and 5 more. Eventually, she finally responds, and this is the part of the argument that i have a problem with! She tells me that i obviously do care a lot about Nintendo putting ads on the videos (No.. I’m not. I care about you saying what you said, obviously), and that i just want to be right. And because of this, she won’t argue with me any further.
I can take not wanting to argue anymore. That’s fine. But to write me off as though i just want to be right is just disrespectful. Why won’t you defend your position? I mean, i obviously want to talk about how it’s not as clear cut as “them stealing footage”, and that a “real job” isn’t quite that easily defined. I mean, i had an actual argument about this with a friend later that night. I told him about this thing that bothered me. And it was really constructive and it actually lead somewhere. And i think we both learned from each other..
But you! You just want to write it off as me just wanting to be right. How low do you think of me? You think i argue just to be right, is that it?

Words can’t even describe how disappointed this makes me. And how hurtful it was to me. Maybe i’m looking through this in the wrong way though. Perhaps i’ve misjudged, misinterpreted and misrepresented in this post. But this is my side of the story at least.


(Audio) Friend rant. Something a little different

Going to let most of my audio do the talking. Yes! Finally an audio recording. Now you can all hear how terrible i am, and how i sound like a moron.. Yay

You can listen to it here:

It’s raw and uncut for now. If i do more audio ones, i’ll probably end up editing them. But this is it for now.

Helping out friends

I see a lot of transsexuals on the internet having to resort to donations for their transition fund, and i just feel bad for them. Me as someone from a highly socialized country probably won’t have to deal with insane costs (I probably will have to pay for various things, just not for things that costs a lot), so i can instead help others who are going through their transitions.

Anyway! I mostly wanted to post this to highlight a friend of mine, and an important part of this blog, who is going through transition right now, and needs money:

Here’s what she wrote:

I still feel awkward about doing this, but I’ve just added a Donate button to my DA main page.  I want make abundantly clear that you are, of course, not obligated to donate anything.  There will be NO hard feelings and I’m NOT going to hate you forever if you don’t.  Many of us our facing the same messed up economy, so really, I understand if you can’t.  It’s really okay.

But there have been people in the past who actually asked if they could donate to me, which is one of the big reasons that changed my mind.  The fact is though, I am hurting financially.  So, I did ultimately to go through with this because I’m nearly four months on hormones, and I’m still not confident enough to go full-time.  I lack access to a number of expensive elements of transition that I simply can’t afford, and I can’t seem to save up for.  It’s very discouraging, to put it lightly.

Additionally, I will probably use the money, to help in marketing Rain.  That means a couple things.  For one, I’ve recently learned that the reason Rain – Volume 1 is not yet available on Amazon (which was extremely poorly communicated to me), is that I needs an ISBN.  I can actually get one for free, but Lulu will essentially own it if I do that.  However, if I purchase my own ISBN (which will run me a couple hundred bucks), I can have my book (still legally owned by me) distributed by Amazon and Lulu and sold by any book store I can get it to.  And I’m going to need to repeat this process for EACH volume.

It also allows me create products to sell.  As many of you have expressed interest in t-shirts or posters or keychains, I want to be able to offer that in the future.  Furthermore, it will allow me to update my comic drawing equipment and software.  For instance, my tablet is mighty old now, and some days, it’s not very responsive.  I want to be prepared to replace it if need be, so I don’t need to slow down making pages.

I have the donation pool set up through GoFundMe ([link]), which if you’re not aware, is basically a site kind of like Kickstarter (except I like their system better Kickstarter).  You do NOT need to be a member in order to donate though.  You can simply do so as you wish.

So once again, I want to make clear that there is no obligation.   If you decide to donate – no matter the amount – then thank you very much; you have no idea what it means to me.  If you decide not to donate, that’s fine too.  I understand, and there will be no hard feelings.

Whether you decide to donate or not, thank you for reading this all the way through.  I promise not to make to big a deal out of this.

And here’s the source to that post, and a link to her donation page

Thanks to anyone willing to help.

Candy Kowal

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