Some quick info and blog stuff
I’ve been feeling very bloggy as of late. I just want to write, and i feel that i have enough to say to make this a somewhat sizable post.
First things first, i’d like all my transgendered followers to link me to their wordpress, twitter or anywhere else, because i would like to follow you. You know, to get to know some more sisters and brothers in arms out there. Second of all. And if you’re not transgender, you could link me your blog anywhere, and i’ll check it out. I’d like to get more active and stuff, so i’ll probably end up following everyone.
Observing bigotry. Observer not being observant. Blind observer.
Anyhow. What’s up with the Observer? Apparently, according to a blog post i read this morning, and according to a few people i tweeted, the observer (Which is a supposed left-wing high ranking magazine in England) had commissioned a feminist bigot who felt it necessary to spew her bigotry all over the place, in the form of an article. It apparently had some really vile and nasty stuff in there about how transsexuals are just.. How did she phrase it, “men in bad wigs” or something to that effect. That’s the only thing i remember hearing though. Though, if the people who got riled up about this feminist is anything to go by, that was small stuff.
Like i said, i didn’t really read it, and i only have other people’s blog posts to go by, so this won’t end up a very informative post about that thing, but i got a bit emotional about a supposed left-wing paper writing bigoted stuff, and felt that i should share my opinion anyway. Good thing is that they apologized for commissioning such a bigot. And the bad thing is that a lot of leftists agreed with the bigotry.
I guess i could sit here all day and tell the bigots that their bigotry is no better than that of a Nazi . In fact, i’d argue that they’re more ignorant than Nazis. I mean, it should be more expected of people in this day and age to be more well versed in history, and especially the history of human bigotry. Didn’t have as much information about that stuff back in the days of the Nazis.
But anyway. They’re just gonna say that “it’s not the same”, just like Nazis do, like racists do, like homophobes do, etc. The thing about the bigoted is that logic just doesn’t work on them.
So… TL;DR: BLUBLU BLA BLA BLA! DUR!1one
Small life updates
On an unrelated note. I’ve been playing a lot of borderlands 2 with my brother as of late. We’re about done with “true vaulthunter” mode now. I don’t know, it’s just been so much fun. I can’t get enough of it. On a side, i have been completing all the normal difficulty missions (To get an achievement, and to learn as much as i can about borderlands lore). Not much else to say about it. I might write a review later, and talk a little about a certain plot hole. It’ll be my final borderlands 2 post. Out of.. What.. 7 or so now?
This is what initially sparked me to make a new post. I’m down to my last pill. The last sleeping/anti-depressant pill. After this, my body’s gonna have to get used to getting sleepy of its own. Which i think it’s more than ready to do. So it’ll be exciting for sure. I’ve been taking them for about 90 days now, so i have to say that it’ll be nice to try without now.
Speaking of depression. Still no word from the Swedish medical academy, and no word from the people here either. So no updates on my transgender issues so far. One thing though.. I still don’t think my aunt knows about my issues, so when she’s coming along to a visits about my anxiety with the doctor here, i guess she’s just gonna have to know. She’s been a lot of help to me, so i hope it won’t bother her too much. Kinda need her help, so… Yea..
That’s about it for now, everyone. I hope to hear from some people, and maybe get to follow some too.
Been playing borderlands 2 the last week or so, and i can finally say that i’ll be taking a break from that game. For my short review, i guess i could say that the game is far better than the first one, and exceeded the hype by a million or more. Seriously, the only critique i have is that it could be longer (Even though it’s still a long game, and longer than the first) and that the ending could wrap things up in a better way. But that’s about it. It’s fun from start to end, and i urge any FPS/RPG fan to play it. It’s the definitive title of that sub genre.
I played with my big brother the first playthrough, and we got so many laughs from the dialog (Handsome Jack being the best deliverer of funny lines) and characters. Played as a siren. Then the second playthrough was alone, as a mechromancer. Nothing like i thought it would be. That character class is actually more fun than the siren. The whole anarchy stacks system (Which was my main skill tree) reminds me of the warrior class in titan quest, where you’re encouraged to go up to your enemies close range.. Anyway. A lot of fun! I’ll resume my borderlands 2’ing as soon as i can get my brother here again for the second difficulty level.
Fever and teeth issues
As for everything else in life. I’ve been fighting through a fever all this time playing borderlands 2; same with my brother, he also had a fever. But things are starting to look better now, i think i’m through with the fever now, and the coughing has subsided ever so slightly. I should be feeling fine in a few days.
Also, i got time with a dentist this Monday (As in, Tomorrow) to check on my teeth. They’ve been hurting like a mother hobbard as of late, and have been in a really bad shape for over two years or so now.
For instance, two of them have shattered. So that should tell anyone with teeth woes a lot about the pain that comes from time to time. Oh well, at least i’ll know what needs to be done tomorrow, after the check. Which is all i’m going in for. We do have universal healthcare in Sweden, and we’re pretty awesome about everything health related, but we’re still lagging behind in social toothcare, in that, there is none.
My trans-issues.. Still haven’t gotten an answer. I might have gotten one, only, it’s still at my parent’s place. I might walk to my parents (Which is on the other side of town, a 50 minute walk) tomorrow after i’m done at the dentist, and we’ll see then. My aunt called in to the doctors place to see if they couldn’t extend my “sick leave” (Not that it’s really a leave.. But in Sweden, i have a lot of reasons to be considered on “Sick leave”) and maybe hook me up with a few more pills for sleeping.. Not sure if i’ll need it though, so we’ll have to see. But mostly, i’ll want to be considered on sick leave so i can get a job part time or something like that. More as it develops.
As for trans stuff in general. I haven’t been too keen on it as of late. I feel very demoralized and just scared of dressing myself as of late (The last two weeks or so), and i haven’t been able to look myself in the mirror either. Thankfully, borderlands 2 has helped distracted me from this really sad state of mind i find myself in.. But i feel something’s gotta give. I just feel so lost..
Some meta stuff. My blog has been getting alot of views lately. A lot of them are searching through google, and some are jontron fans asking about his personal life. Jocelyn on deviantart just started a new chapter of her web comic, so that’s awesome. I should do a proper write up on her content for this blog. She’s kind of a big deal to this blog. So maybe expect that?
On the subject of blogs. I still haven’t started the karma post, and really, i have’t written anything, due to my borderlands 2 playing. But i do have one called “in defense of piracy: A response to allgengamers” in the pipeline. So there’s that.
And that’s gonna conclude this post. First real one of January. Shit! The one year mark is only a few months away. Can’t believe i’ve been blogging for almost a year now. I suspect i’ll be saying that a lot now. Haha!
Trying to think if there’s anything more.. Nope. Buy borderlands 2, read “Rain”, stay strong, and be awesome.
In today’s post:
Change.. Eating healthy. Lots of weird views? And how hot can it get?
Days go by, and nothing ever seems to change. That’s a lie though. Things do change. It’s just that, it’s going very slow. I just want to take the step where i get my own place. That big step, which is going to make everything so much better. I won’t have to feel that i’m walking in place, doing nothing.
But that is for another today. Today, i haven’t done much, other than eating very unhealthily. But hey, there are days when you do that too. I just know that while i’m living here, there’s no way i’m going to get back into shape. There are just too many temptations and what not.
So, with those two stories, i’m gonna end it off right here. Oh, and i got around 73 views yesterday on my blog, for some weird reason. All from the US, going to different entries. Seems like a bot to me, since i didn’t really get many likes and w hat not. But then again, what do i know. It seems weird that it would be a bot, but it does make sense.
Nothing planned. My brother and i are going to play borderlands 2 next week, and have a LAN. I hope my brain is ready for that.
In today’s post:
Lots of transgender news!! Feeling pretty happy today. Hunt for calm songs. Beautiful aurora.
I went to the psychiatrist today, and it was great. Got to cry some more, and talk about my situation and what not. She told me about transgender and Sweden. Apparently, most of it is social, so i probably won’t end up paying much in my transition. Which is fantastic news. I also learned that about 60 people per year undergo transitions in Sweden. Which explains why it’s basically free. Because hardly anyone has the issues in Sweden.
So yes! Long story short! She was going to contact experts on both anxiety and transgender. Turns out that i won’t have to travel too far to meet one for transgendered people either. Which is great. It turns out that they’re about the biggest experts there are. Apparently, to qualify, they need to have expertise in things like law, psychiatry, etc. Quite a large subset of skills needed. All i can really say is that i’m terribly excited for it. I can not wait to meet him or her!!
As soon as she’s done with that, i’ll get a paper in the mail about times and what not, and she’ll also call me on the phone. When she does, i will ask more questions about how i should approach this. Sooo exciting though! Been feeling kind of happy for most of the day. You know.. Life is starting to smile on me for once. Things are going to get better after all. I remember when i started this blog about 152 days ago. I didn’t even know i was suffering from anxiety, i didn’t really seek much help from anyone, everything felt hopeless, nothing was getting done… I think writing this blog has helped quite a bit. Along with family of course, and some friends. ^w^
Last night, when i was out on a midnight stroll, i saw a very bright aurora. As if the night was smiling upon my fortunes.
So yea.. That’s about it i guess. Gonna head out on a walk now to calm my nerves.
My brother will probably get his new computer, which means i’ll get his old one, which means i’ll have to transfer a bunch of stuff from my computer to that new one, before i give my old computer to my mom.
Borderlands 2 also comes out tomorrow for steam in Sweden! So me and my brother’s gonna play that!
Currently hunting for a lot of calm songs. So since i listened to “within a deep forest”, it’s only natural to seek out more from that same artist. Here’s one from Knytt stories:
In today’s post:
Late post. I might be a lesbian. Borderlands 2 soon!!!
Actually.. More like, yesterday. I’m writing this blog in the morning after, because i was so damn tired yesterday. Spent most of the day just walking. It was great though.
So.. I think i might be a straight up lesbian. I had an epiphany yesterday. I probably don’t like penises, sadly. Either way, i think i’ll be able to not focus so much on sex anymore.
I wonder.. Will i have an epiphany about my gender at some point too? I feel that i’ve already had that though. I’ve come to the conclusion that i’m a woman. But you know. I’m not an expert on the subject, and i feel that i need to keep an open mind about it either way.
Borderlands 2 was released to the greedy yanks yesterday on console or whatever. Apparently, borderlands 2 has a huge minecraft easter egg. So that’s pretty funny. But that’s about all i know! I don’t want to spoil any more than that.
Me and my brother’s gonna play it this friday when it’s released on steam! Oooh, i can not wait! Apparently, the characters from the first game’s gonna be in it too? I don’t know, i just like lilith more than i like maya, when it comes to the sirens. Which was my favorite class in the last game.
Either way! It’ll be awesome! I think i need to complete the second playthrough of the first game today or tomorrow though.
I still haven’t gone down to the employment offices. But it’ll come, i guess. Since i have to to be able to get my own place.
Borderlands 2 will come on this Friday on steam!!
In today’s post:
A game called journey. Employment office part 2. Jogging today, all days. Borderlands 1-2 briefly. Things to do. And steam’s “big picture”.
I still haven’t called the school to make it official, i haven’t sent in my broken computer part and i haven’t gone down to the employment offices to re-enroll. I guess it could wait until next week. Maybe.
I played borderlands 1 on my brother’s big TV he has at his house today. It’s pretty great! He can’t have the graphics settings on highest like i can on my big PC, but it looks awesome either way. The game is just amazing. It just occurred to me and my brother that we’ll start borderlands 2 one day after i have been to the expert (Which is what i’ll call her, because i can’t spell psychiatrist, and i hate looking it up), who told me she would see what she can do about the pills for my anxiety. So that’ll be interesting. I mean, if i can go on for at least a month without having this irrational shit stress, i’ll be more than happy.
I watched my brother play a game called Journey today! And damn does that game look good in uncompressed HD graphics. And they spent so much time making the environment so fucking beautiful! The game is amazing, and i can’t believe it exists. The amount of polish that game had is astounding. To me, putting a lot of focus on environment and making something really aesthetically pleasing, should be a standard practice.
Journey… I couldn’t recommend it more. Buy it now. It’s on the PS3 only (sadly).
So yea.. I’ll be staying with my brother until at least this friday. So that’ll be fun, i think!
Oh, and before i forget. I’ve decided to start jogging. So far, i’ve done it today and yesterday.
I guess i’ll just be a lazy twonk, and then see if i can’t get the computer part sent to be repaired.
Steam’s “big picture”
So i’m guessing this was their “hardware plans”? A little disappointing in that respect. Although it is a good idea, and a step in the right direction.
In today’s post:
WordPress issues update. A lot of vague transsexual meanderings. Really boring day. Psychiatrist soon. And a new borderlands 2 trailer.
WordPress issues status
It seems the issue has to do with the cache and/or cookies (Quite possibly one of my extensions in chrome), because it works just fine when i go into incognito mode, which “leaves no trace behind”. Meaning that extensions don’t work, and nothing on the client side is saved. So yea.. I’ll see if i will just flush the cache and cookies tomorrow.
I’ve started to wear bras everyday now, cause i’m getting tired of not dressing the way i’d like. So i guess it’s a good compromise.. Really wish i could just cut the bullshit and start being myself though. But as explained before, i can’t yet.
Been thinking a lot about my transsexuality today. I mean, i feel very sure about myself, and it’s what i want to do. I want to do the surgery and the transition, and become more physically female. I feel that would reflect me better and i think in the long run, it would make me feel better about myself, to put it bluntly.
As soon as i get my own place, my physical health will be the first order of business. I want to be more fit. But i’m sure that’ll come with basically getting my life back.
Lastly, i’ve been chatting with a friend of mine, who’s also starting her transition from male to female. We discussed a few things. One of which being the song i linked a few days ago. Skin, by Machinae supremacy. Another being the LGBT community. Personally, i have some issues identifying with it, due to me not being a team type of person.
I feel like i could go into more detail and that i want to say more, but my words escape me at the moment, and i feel that i couldn’t be quite as poignant as i’d like to be.
Other than just thinking about it, i’ve been.. Not doing much! I wanted to play some borderlands, but my brother was busy the whole day apparently. Oh yea! I did play some minecraft tekkit mod on a server. Wasn’t all that fun though. But hey..
That’s basically it. A very boring weekend, thus far.
No plans for tomorrow. Although, on Monday, it’s back to school again. Oh boy. One thing i’m really looking forward to though, is Wednesday. I’l finally get to talk about my transsexuality with someone! Can’t wait! Oh, and Tuesday seems to be some field tripish day? I’m not sure.
Another great borderlands 2 trailer: