First of all, sorry for the inactivity. Summer’s been rough and i haven’t been in the mood for anything, lately! But i’m back now, and hopefully, i’ll get this blog back on its feet!
The last few posts have been about me venting. I got fed up with the trans community, and i’ve been venting my frustration. So i don’t think i’ve really made cogent points as of late. Nothing but venting, as a recent post is even called. Maybe this post won’t be much different, but maybe it can at least give you an idea of where my feelings come from.
A year (or so) back, i had a big argument with someone i used to call a good friend of mine. We argued about how GTAV had trans characters that you could kill and what not. She basically thought it would further the violence against transsexuals, while i argued that i think the makers of GTAV should be able to express themselves however they want, and that it would not further the violence against transsexuals, just like how guns in games won’t make people go berserk with guns.
Now, i’m fine with someone being allowed to express their opinion on something, and two people having a disagreement, but it was one specific logical fallacy that put me over the edge. Before going into it, let me tell you my mindset at the time. I was feeling very unsure of myself, and i seeked out the trans community for validation. I was very insecure about myself, and kind of felt that i had to act within certain parameters. All just for validation (From a bunch of idiots, really).
Anyway. The logical fallacy that she used was an ad hominem. She basically told me that i don’t know the strife of transsexuals or women, because i “haven’t been a woman long enough”. You can imagine that my fragile little ego got shattered. I didn’t call her out on the fallacy, because the huge disgust i felt at myself for not being a good enough woman. That’s how she made me feel, and i haven’t really been able to put this to rest up until now.
Been spending the whole year loving Drunken Peasants. Which stars TJ (The AmazingAtheist). As a sidenote, i’m currently working on a “best of” for their one year anniversary. But that’s neither here nor there!
To make a long story short, TJ has made me accept who i am. Because he’s put it in such eloquent terms, that logic and reason are the best tools you can use, and that no one should get to dictate how you act or feel about yourself.
I am myself, i know i’m a trans woman. I don’t have to act a certain way just to get someone’s validation. Because, guess what? You’re an asshole if you don’t consider me a woman, just because i don’t fit within your parameters of what a woman is.
This is what i feel the trans community and my used-to-be-good friend did to me. But TJ – a supposed misogynist, transphobic, racist homophobe – gave me that confidence and acceptance. That confidence and acceptance that these people never gave me.
Look! I’m usually a rational person about groups and what not (At least i’d like to think that). But i obviously had too much personal feelings attached to this specific thing! I wanted to be validated so bad, that i was blind to the absence of logic and rationality. All i can say is, thanks, TJ! I’m finally able to put these thoughts to rest, after thinking about it for so long.
Yesterday’s Skepchick fiasco got me thinking about the skeptic and new atheist community. I believe that skepchick isn’t insignificant when it comes to these movements, because i see far too many respectable and big atheists pay attention, and even supporting them. Ms.Skepchick herself, Rebecca Watson, is even in the same podcast as Steven Novella. Things like “The atheist elevator” incident, had most of the community strongly in support of Rebecca Watson.
So she’s no slouch. Here we have a little girl who has ties to pretty big people, and is a large part of the skeptics and new atheist communities.
What i was thinking of is why, when people at SkepchickCON espouses such radical ideas (Like that the male brain is like the female brain, but damaged by testosterone), is there no one in that community lashing out? I mean, you’re supposed to be skeptical, but as soon as it’s someone in your group/team, you don’t care.
Which is the problem, i think. Teams. We’re not very keen on attacking people in our own group. Because it’ll cause fragmentation, and possibly even split the group, which makes it weaker. We see this in politics too. To give an example: Obama’s policies are identical to Bush’s in almost every way, but because Obama is a democrat, the democrats won’t attack him. At least not with the same fearocity.
I just think it’s rather amusing that a group of people who pride themselves on being intellectual, skeptical, free thinking and enlightened; act this way. They’re still a subject of group mentality, and they can’t seem to break free from it, or even acknowledge it.
As a disclaimer, i guess i should point out that religious fundamentalism has been a much larger detriment to the world than feminist extremism, of course (Which i suppose is “skeptic extremism” at this point). But the things the two groups preach are equally as wrong. When a religious fundamentalist say that being gay is wrong, that’s no better than a feminist extremist saying that being a man is wrong. Which they do say..
And this only points to the extreme end of Feminism (Skepchick, in this case). Which i suspect isn’t representative of actual feminism, which focuses on helping women and actual women’s issues.
It’s been about 15 days now, i think, of exercising. I’ve taken the step where i stop eating snacks, sweets (Started that yesterday), i’ve done specific exercises for 14 days, and today.. i started something the doctor also recommended i’d do. Walk briskly and/or start jogging. So the first time on the track, so to speak. It’s actually a forest close to where i live, you can take a rout there. It’s fairly long. I think a little over a Swedish mile. I’m used to walking, so i was able to take a longer walk.
My feet felt pain from the walk, and i worked up quite the sweat. Was a pretty beautiful weather too. Saw two rabbits at the end of the rout.. You know.. I never really thought about how huge they are. But they were deathly afraid of me, so i was too late to get a picture. There was also a bunch of water in some places. You know. From the rainy weather, combined with people taking heavy vehicles into the forest. So i got a little wet.
Lastly, on my 200 word training section, i also upped the ante on my regular exercises. So now i have to do a few more. 6 more “Framåt stretching”, 5 more toe-ups and 5 more sit-ups.
So while out and about on my walk in the forest, i listened to Penn’s Sunday school. It’s my favorite podcast that only comes once a week (sadly). And.. It’s hard for me to really describe it, but i just love Penn. I love all the stories he has, i love how much he enjoys life, i agree on most of the things he believes in (Politically, religiously, etc), i love when he’s serious, i love when he’s goofy, i love the shows he puts out, i love his unique perspective on life. I just love him.
I will totally re-listen to all the Penn Radio podcasts he has. It’s been ages since i listened to them last (A little over a year and a few months), and i simply can not get enough of him. I’m sure there are a lot of them i have forgotten though. But yea, it is what i’ll do.
In case you’re interested, i highly recommend Penn’s Sunday school. Latest episode was about how James Randi shaped Penn into what he is today, TAM and squid sperm.. Which is another aspect of him i really like. It’s about the only show out there, where they can talk about how funny monkeys are, and have interviews with the likes of Richard Dawkins. Wonderful times to be had, for sure.
Other than that.. I had a strange night, where i woke up suddenly, feeling pretty anxious.. Well, it is what i told myself. I am prepared for the feelings that i will have! It is part of facing the fears and “evils” of getting a normal life again.
During the day, i played some Roller coaster tycoon again. Such a fun game. Didn’t think i would have the urge to play it today, but i did, and i had fun! Then i played some call of duty with my little brother. It was fun, but i think the game is wearing thin on me now. I donno.. There’s just not much to it after a while, i feel. Oh well. Mindless fun, non the less. We should play border tomorrow. I had some mild feelings of discomfort due to my condition, but overall, it went good. Better than yesterday, when the discomfort was a little worse. But.. Like i’ve said.. It’ll get better.
Tomorrow.. I guess will be much of the same, minus the dog that came for a visit today.
My moms brother’s dog, Zorro.
Apparently, it was going to rain tomorrow, so we’ll see if it’ll be a walk in the forest, or if i’ll have to take my brisk walk elsewhere. Then i’ll start with Penn Radio again. A lot of stuff to listen to for the coming months. Awesome!
A pretty funny video with “Somegraybloke” i watched earlier:
I had some issues sleeping last night. Fell asleep around 6am-7am.. Consulted with mom earlier about it, and she thinks its underlying stress.. And yea.. I was programming for the entire day, so maybe it was related to “walking into the wall” and stress on that level? Subconscious stuff. So you know. That sucks. But i think it feels better now. Just did a little programming today. Maybe sat for a total of 2 hours or so. Tried to figure out why the same notifications would display more than once over and over.. And i just can’t figure it out. It’s as if the value i have to keep a check on it just resets itself. But it doesn’t.. Gah! Very confusing to say the least.
Anyway.. I had a fairly good day regardless. Had a lot of exercise and stuff. Feeling really sweaty now though. Which sucks. I should have showered today, but i never did. Bleh.. I did arrange some future stuff with my brother though. So we might do something this weekend, maybe.
Played some wordfued with mom today as well. We’ve been playing that a lot lately. It’s a lot of fun though. Although she totally stole a row i was gonna put, and got 130+ points from it. So i’m about 200 points away from her now.
Don’t really have much to talk about today. Been playing quite a bit of dungeon village. My town is lv 4 now. On year 9. Apparently, the game ends at year 18 or so. I love the different puns of the adventurers. Donkey Hotty, Seffi Roff, Clown Stripe, etc.. A lot of humor in it.
I was thinking of that atheist picture i showed a few days ago. And it occurred to me that the people who said that it lacked women are judging and viewing art through a very narrow lens. A lens where everything has to agree with their rigid standards. You know. Things can’t just be art, it has to be politically correct first. Meeting those requirements is more important than to express yourself through the medium. The artist obviously has a lot of love for the people in the picture, and he/she wanted to express it through art. And then you come around, telling him/her that “oh, you should have had this in the picture”. Yes.. I can look at artwork and think that it would have been cooler if something that i like was added to it, but i think i have yet to really type that out, or say it out loud. Because it’s silly, and it’s basically me saying that what the artist feels should cater more towards what i feel. Seems a little selfish when you look at it that way, don’t you think?
But oh well.. It’s not like anything i say can change the mind of someone in that mindset. I just wanted to bring it up again because i just hate people acting that way.
I think that’s about it. Tomorrow.. I’m not sure. I feel that i’m walking in limbo until i get an answer from the school. But i’ve already talked so much about those feelings. Maybe i’ll feel some amount of stress over working a little. But hey! At least it’s not over social interaction.
Saw this video yesterday:
I just love Gamester81.
I feel a little better today. Although, i still have a fever and i’m still feeling pretty pissy. I’m writing this early because i was thinking of laying down for a while.
All i’ve really done today is resting. So nothing really exciting. Except.. of course.. The doctor’s appointment. Didn’t feel like going what so ever, as i’m feeling very ill, and it’s a long way to that place. But i did, of course, and i don’t regret doing so. I told him about the situation, and he told me that it could be fixed with some specific and proper exercise. He thought the swollen leg was due to fluids. The leg is about 2cm (give or take) wider than the other. So quite a difference.
But yea. Long story short. I got some exercise he recommended i should do, and got a new time in two months, to see if there’s any progress. I really liked the guy, he was pretty awesome. Very forward and doesn’t hide anything. So yea. Should be interesting to see, and i will be doing quite a bit of exercise this summer.
Saw this really bad-ass picture a few moments ago. A lot of really awesome people. Penn, Bill, Hawkins, Carlin, Sagan, Hitchens, Darwin, Dawkins, Tyson, Kaku.. Didn’t recognize two of them. But whatever. It’s a pretty awesome one. Way to go.
Saw this link on reddit earlier this morning: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/uessk/can_you_oneup_me_in_most_offensive_joke_you_know/
All i wanted to do was to add to it a little. One that my little brother knows (For some reason), that we all find very offensive, is a slavery joke. It goes like this: “Two white guys were watching two black guys carrying a TV. One of the white guys asked the other white guy ‘Is that yours?’, and the other white guy said ‘No! Mine’s at home, cleaning my shoes'”. Very offensive, but funny non the less. Keep in mind that i think you can laugh at tragic things.. Is that wrong of me? Maybe. But i can make jokes at hitler, the titanic, Kim jong ill, etc.. Just as, and sometimes, even more tragic…
But maybe i’m just making lame excuses and am just a horrible person for laughing at that awfully offensive joke. I apologize.
Lastly, i wanted to write a little about vegans. A twitter friend asked me why i was torn on the issue of pets, and i’m going to try my best at explaining why here now.
For the “Pets should be allowed” side of the argument, i can say that there are a lot of pets out there that belong to a species that simply can not live inside of nature anymore. Should we stop breeding them and just let them go extinct? Or put the last remaining ones at zoos? I just don’t know about that.
Then i have to ask. Why is nature such a better place to be? Before we were able to live in urban environments with socialism and what not, we lived very short lives. All thanks to the way we live now, we live much longer and far more comfortable, where we concern ourselves with marriage and other, in all honesty, trivial things. And i personally think most pets in families has it good. They’re well fed, get a roof over their head, get affection.
But at the same time, i can see the other side of the argument. They should live in their natural environment. Who are we to take them from there? That seems pretty mean. They can live and develop like normal living beings there, and not evolve into things like pugs, that are totally dependent on humans to live. We’re the ones who made them like this. Which is a bit sick.
All that being said, i have to say that i’m leaning more towards the side of having pets. I’m just not convinced that they’re “having a bad time” (So to speak), overall.
I am open to more arguments on that and would like to read up more if someone would recommend some good source, though. In the end, i don’t feel that vegan issues are all that big on my priority list. Maybe that makes me immoral or something like that, but i am a selfish person just like most of us stupid fucks.
And i guess that’s that. I am by no means an expert at anything. It is my opinion, based on what i’ve observed, what little i’ve studied and how i perceive it.
Saw a pretty great video about atheism earlier:
Just got done drinking some “hot” (Lukewarm) coco. Sat on twitter for a bit, talked about god ‘n’ stuff. A pretty interesting thought went through my head, about belief and comfort. I am currently going through a very depressing time, and i think a lot about the future. I have no friends i feel i can really turn to in that way.. You know, when you need a shoulder to cry on. Only a few in my family, i feel i can do that on. Which is still good, and i’m happy to have such a great family. Most people don’t get to be in my position.
That being said.. I feel that i should become more open, and invite myself to others. To want to be social with people. It’s not that i have issues befriending people, or that i don’t like talking about stuff with them. But i have for the longest time relegated myself to a place of loneliness, which ultimatly has lead me to the place where i am right now. Depression, sadness and stress. A rough time to say the least.
But do i need to believe in some invisible force in nature to drag myself out of this? No, i don’t. I think doing that is a weaklings out of it. And i mean that in the sense that, if you do that instead of going to other people, you effectively chose to shut yourself out from the love of other people. I doubt very strongly that you can feel the love i can, if you’re someone who insist that you get love from a man in the sky. So you’re a weakling for shutting them off. But that’s just my opinion.
I could go on, but i think that’s the core of what i want to say on the subject at the moment.
I will aim to get more friends. People i can laugh and cry with. And i will. I feel like i have, at some point a few days ago, come out of an intervention, and am now reinventing my whole life. And i think the worst is over. Now i just have some stress i need to get through, and i should be fine. Like the song goes.. “I’ll get by with a little help of my friends”.
Anyhow! Dang, i rambled quite a bit about that. Felt pretty gewd though.. Been a fairly standard sunday, all things considered. No one’s doing anything, as per usual. Decided to have a walk, and it ended up much longer than i would have hoped. I must have been walking for 2 hours or more. Took some pics i wanna share though. Uploading them to dropbox now. It’s how i transfer files from my ipod.. For the most part, at least.
Anyway. I feel fairly up and down at the moment. Kind of up right now. Sister just came for a visit, so i’ll say hi to her. Pretty dang tired after that long walk though. So i think it’s time to wrap this up.
I’ll leave you with Thor breaking some uncomfortable news. Gotta see the avengers soon.