First of all, sorry for the inactivity. Summer’s been rough and i haven’t been in the mood for anything, lately! But i’m back now, and hopefully, i’ll get this blog back on its feet!
The last few posts have been about me venting. I got fed up with the trans community, and i’ve been venting my frustration. So i don’t think i’ve really made cogent points as of late. Nothing but venting, as a recent post is even called. Maybe this post won’t be much different, but maybe it can at least give you an idea of where my feelings come from.
A year (or so) back, i had a big argument with someone i used to call a good friend of mine. We argued about how GTAV had trans characters that you could kill and what not. She basically thought it would further the violence against transsexuals, while i argued that i think the makers of GTAV should be able to express themselves however they want, and that it would not further the violence against transsexuals, just like how guns in games won’t make people go berserk with guns.
Now, i’m fine with someone being allowed to express their opinion on something, and two people having a disagreement, but it was one specific logical fallacy that put me over the edge. Before going into it, let me tell you my mindset at the time. I was feeling very unsure of myself, and i seeked out the trans community for validation. I was very insecure about myself, and kind of felt that i had to act within certain parameters. All just for validation (From a bunch of idiots, really).
Anyway. The logical fallacy that she used was an ad hominem. She basically told me that i don’t know the strife of transsexuals or women, because i “haven’t been a woman long enough”. You can imagine that my fragile little ego got shattered. I didn’t call her out on the fallacy, because the huge disgust i felt at myself for not being a good enough woman. That’s how she made me feel, and i haven’t really been able to put this to rest up until now.
Been spending the whole year loving Drunken Peasants. Which stars TJ (The AmazingAtheist). As a sidenote, i’m currently working on a “best of” for their one year anniversary. But that’s neither here nor there!
To make a long story short, TJ has made me accept who i am. Because he’s put it in such eloquent terms, that logic and reason are the best tools you can use, and that no one should get to dictate how you act or feel about yourself.
I am myself, i know i’m a trans woman. I don’t have to act a certain way just to get someone’s validation. Because, guess what? You’re an asshole if you don’t consider me a woman, just because i don’t fit within your parameters of what a woman is.
This is what i feel the trans community and my used-to-be-good friend did to me. But TJ – a supposed misogynist, transphobic, racist homophobe – gave me that confidence and acceptance. That confidence and acceptance that these people never gave me.
Look! I’m usually a rational person about groups and what not (At least i’d like to think that). But i obviously had too much personal feelings attached to this specific thing! I wanted to be validated so bad, that i was blind to the absence of logic and rationality. All i can say is, thanks, TJ! I’m finally able to put these thoughts to rest, after thinking about it for so long.
I was going to include this in the previous post about Jennifer Boylan, but i figured that about 400 words was enough. Besides, she deserves her own post.
So this one will just quickly go through a few others that i have added to my permanent inspirational people audio list (One that i carry on me everywhere i go, just so i can listen to them when i feel like it)
- Adam Savage – at the amazing meeting 7:
- Carl Sagan – pale blue dot excerpt:
- Christopher Hitchens – at the amazing meeting 5:
- Richard Dawkins – We are going to die:
- Jennifer Boylan – A life in two genders:
- Stephen Fry – All about i:
- Steve Jobs – Stanford Commencement speech 05:
- Feynman series – Beauty (Excerpts from an interview):
- The four horsemen – Atheism discussion:
- TJ & Paul – America. The beautiful or the shameful:
I hope to really expand on this list as i go along. Would like to see some more representation in it in the future. But it’ll take a lot for me to put something on here. It takes me wanting to hear these people over and over again. Which i do. All of these. They’ve all stirred something within me, in one way or another. From me wanting to find out more about life, to me finding out more about me.
It would be really cool if i could turn some people on to any of these people. Or to hear from someone who has any recommendations for really great speeches or monologues or dialogues. Whichever. Do you know of any i’ve missed?
In today’s post:
Serious talk about transsexuality. Frogs. AmazingAtheist gets tired at Cody Weber. Borderlands
What if i’m wrong?
Before going into the post of today, i wanted to talk a little more on my transsexuality.
What if i’m wrong? What if my feelings stems from somewhere else? What if it’s just me having bad self-esteem? What if that’s all it is? That maybe i’m just making up these feelings. My brain wants to feel that way, and i just can’t do anything about it?
Sometimes, i just wonder. I mean, it feels right to me to be a woman. I feel like myself then! Unlike what i have in any other time in my life. When, in the few instances where i’ve been able to be myself, it just feels so right. I feel like me. I don’t feel like i’m a shadow of something else. I don’t feel like i’m inside of someone’s skin.
But i rarely feel that way. I want to remedy that, and change my lifestyle and physical gender as much as possible. As time goes on, doing that is just going to get harder and harder. I’m happy that i’ve started so early in my life. But it’s going to be a tough journey. A journey i’ve only just started.
You know i haven’t been to school or anywhere when i start talking about frogs! I’ve been helping a few as of late. I tend to see them in the middle of the road or somewhere not close to a forest (For a frog), and then i help them by carrying them to a one! Idonno.. I just enjoy helping out in whichever way i can.
Something else i see while walking outside are cats! Cat after cat after cat! I have to say though! It’s very great in this time of year, when you meet so many animals. Yet another thing about fall that i love.
AmazingAtheist is getting quite annoyed at his former best friend, Cody Weber. So much so that he’s threatening Cody with telling everyone “his darkest secret”. I just wanted to point it out because i would love to hear it, and it would be satisfying to see Amazingatheist shut Cody up for being an obnoxious douche about the breakup that took place a few months ago. I mean.. Get over it, am i right?
I’ve been playing some skyrim today. Tried a few mods and what not. Nothing too special. Then i played borderlands with my brother for a while. We just killed “sledge”, which means we’re about to head to the second part of the desert area, and head into “new haven”. Which is where the game starts to get very interesting. And it is on the second playthrough.
Less than a week until my first meeting with my psychiatrist. It’ll be great, cause i need to talk about my gender issues. It’s been over a year now that i came out to my family, and i’ve done no progress in terms of accepting myself in any way. I’m just not getting support at home, and both mom and dad has made that perfectly clear. I fear that, as soon as i move out, the family’s gonna start becoming split. But, that’s just speculations on my part. I have no clue how it’ll work out.
Speaking of moving out. I checked for that school loan i applied for, and hadn’t gotten an answer yet. Should get an answer fairly soon.
This song explains the my transsexual struggles very well:
In today’s post:
Music app progress. Libertarians aren’t pragmatic. Rain means no blue berries. Sexy guy. Amazing atheist QnA and a really cool picture.
Music app update
Now skins can fully edit any iframe. Which means that if you want to have another site embedded in your theme/skin, you can do so, and even edit it. That’s normally not possible, but now it is.
Also, i double checked the legal on the program, and it seems that i can make money off of it. So that’s great! Donno if i will monetize it, but at least i know i can.
One last thing, i checked youtube functionality, and it seems i’ll have to use their API to make it compatible there. Which all well and good, and the way you should do it anyway.
Brief on libertarianism
I wrote a post today about libertarianism. Not the best one i’ve ever written, but i think it makes a pretty good point on libertarianism.
To put it short, i basically told libertarians to either make points as to how their ideology would work in practice. You know, some pragmatism. Or you could always use the option of moving to a place with no or minimum laws. You know, just a thought.
I never ended up going out to the forest to pick blue berries today. It’s been raining the whole day, you see. So i mostly just stayed inside, doing some programming and being generally lazy.
I got an answer from the place i have to turn to to get money for my studies today, and replied to them with a signature.. So now, they’re processing it. Which is great!
One thing i want to talk about is a person i’ve been chatting with lately. I mentioned him earlier, that he made me realize that i can never really be a woman. But i actually like him, despite that. I mean, it isn’t his fault that this is a simple reality. But he told me yesterday when i sat up chatting with him til 4am that he really liked chatting with me, and that he wanted to keep in contact with me. And i fully agree. I think he’s very interesting, funny and charming. He’s also pretty damn sexy, i’ll be honest.
Ionno.. I’m not going to put some random thoughts in my head as to our relationship to one another, because i haven’t really known him all that long and i…. Well.. I guess it’s ok to fantasize. Haha! xD
I’ll go out to pick some blueberries. According to the weather prognosis, it’s gonna be a fair weather tomorrow. So that’ll be great.
Then i’ll probably end up doing some programming.
Saw this really cool image today:
Amazingatheist posted a new Q and A a few minutes ago too:
Almost watched all of it. I think he’s an interesting person and kind of funny.
In today’s post:
Humor hatin’. Heat wave. Got my skirt! Louis CK. And The Stanley Parable
Quite a few things has happened today. Nothing major, just some things i want to point out.
I made a bitchy comment on something opinion-based today. I hardly ever do, but this time, it was something so atrocious that i just had to say something. I couldn’t contain myself. And i thought that i would be left alone, and no one would reply. But someone did. He tweeted with some smarmy comment on how i can’t just accept that everyone has different types of humor. Well, i can. But i didn’t this time. And i own up to that. I’m only human!
Oh, and the video was a short minecraft video (30 seconds or so), where all it was was a guy clipping to random places in some minecraft world, screaming. Just screaming. You know, what you do with babies to make them laugh. You make some random loud noise, and hope it sticks.
I guess what triggered my bitchy response was the fact that i see it get to that. I would not be surprised if something like that became something mainstream. Where people just make some noises. Where words are no longer necessary to make money. Where people will find it a legitimate brand of humor. It wouldn’t surprise me.
Speaking of someone making a video about being pissed at bad humor:
Stumbled upon an issue i’m not sure how to fix. I have no idea how i’m going to do drag and drop. There are plenty of ways i could try.. But i just don’t feel like spending so much time on something so small. But oh well… Progress is slow, but it’s going forward. Maybe i’ll do the HTML/JS/CSS part tomorrow. Should be fun! That’s the easy and substantial part of it.
Anyway. I’ve been watching some Louis CK today. He’s pretty good. Hadn’t really watched him before. It’s been a warm day, so it’s all i’ve been able to do. Really don’t like this hot weather. But oh well.
Got the skirt i bid on earlier too. It’s really nice! Perfect for hot days, that’s for sure. It’s all frilly and stuff. Love it! Oh, and it’s green too :3
And that’s it, i suppose. Warm days just take all the energy out of me.
A very funny little short game. The Stanley Parable:
This isn’t going to be a defense for Amazingatheist. Because i know that, if he wanted to, he could easily intellectually spank these people that i’m going to bring up. I’m just going to talk about my encounter with a few ultra liberals last night.
The inner Andrew Breitbart of Amazingatheist makes him want to retweet people who say, according to him, nutty things. This one time when he did it, i responded to the person he retweeted. The person he retweeted said that Amazingatheist was a disgusting misogynist “signed, a atheist woman”. So i responded with “Well, i don’t think he’s a misogynist, and i’m also a atheist woman. What now?”. So we started arguing back and forth, in what i would consider a rather calm manner.
What she was referring to was the time Amazingatheist made a comment to a redditor, where he was very harsh towards her. Even for him, it was very harsh. He was threatening her and everything. I don’t know too much about the details on it, because it just blew up the internet. But i did hear a lot of points of views back then, and Amazingatheist even said that he was sorry for doing so. So to sum it up, he was basically beign an asshole, and people were reacting, at least on an emotional level, appropriately — Even though i don’t really agree with people responding emotionally without an intellectual back-bone.
So yes! He did wrong, he said he was sorry for it. It seems genuine to me, and that’s that, right? Well, no… As anyone who’s ever had the displeasure of seeing a ultra liberal before, you’d know that they’re very easily offended, and stingy. They wouldn’t accept Amazingatheist’s apology, and continued taking to the blogs to write about how he’s a misogynist and so on.
Back to the twitter argument. I asked the, now, team of ultra liberals, why he was a misogynist. They linked to about four different posts, two of which was on freethoughtblogs (A site i am not going to visit for years to come) and two on other places (Probably affiliated with freethoughts blogs. I wouldn’t know). Both of the ones i checked pointed out the aforementioned story about the redditor.
So i told them that he’d said sorry (Which one of the articles even mentioned at the end), and that i thought that was a very big thing to do. Not many people will openly state such things. Most just roll with their arguments, even when they know they’re wrong. Just as a side note, I can see why most don’t opt to do that though. because doing so is usually greeted with scorn anyway. I aught to know. Me and TotalBuiscuit had a very nasty encounter once. But i digress.
They didn’t believe him apparently.
So now they’re basically saying that he is a misogynist because he uses ad hominem with ‘loaded words’.
Which i think is what they really want to say. “Anyone who says cunt, bitch, etc. Is a misogynist”. They seem to be under the impression that Amazingatheist hates all women, because he tends to call people names. I’ve seen his videos many times, and from what i can tell, he’s not a violent person and the only hate he has is non-discriminatory. He’s showed time and time again that he’ll hate anyone he thinks is stupid. Doesn’t matter what gender they are, ethnic group, religion, etc. But please. Find me where he hates all women. Where he actually does that, and not just jump on a smaller group, or one person, he considers stupid, that happen to be a group of women or a woman. Because that’s not all women. I know, that’s a shock to you. But it’s not.
They went on to say that he was a men’s rights activist and other strawmen. I mean, i know for a fact that he’s not, and i know that what they’re referring to is him making examples that there are qualms on both genders, and all groups of people. They’re taking that out of context, and goes on to use it against him, even if it’s not true. And for what? So they can cry and get people to feel sorry for them.
My advice to all you people who use “trigger warning” and are offended at simple words is: grow some balls and ovaries, please. It’s so pathetic to see you being outraged at simple words. Especially when most of you will turn a blind eye to someone calling a man “dick”, all while getting outraged at someone saying “cunt”.
In today’s post:
Music halt, amazingatheist and vanilla flavored words.
Not much has happened today. Was raining for the most part. Has been pretty cold for a few days too.
Been watching a lot of Amazingatheist as of late. I think he’s a good combination between funny and interesting. But yea. Training is going fairly well. Should probably get less lazy on the situps, but other than that.
For the most part though, i’ve been programming.
Music program update
Less than a minute ago, i fixed an issue that i had been sitting with the whole day. The issue is that it wouldn’t update any animations if the window wasn’t in focus. Turned out to be an allegro thing, where i had to tell it to be able to do so.. I should have gone through the function index on allegro before mixing around with peek and get message. But hey! It’s done now.
Tomorrow, i’ll be implementing timers and making the animations. Sadly, i have nothing to show at the moment. But there’s the update!
I will start looking for an apartment! Fuck yes!! Then i’ll be listening to Penn’s sundayschool. Love that podcast.
And… i think that’s all i wanted to say. A fairly vanilla day.