For a number of years now, i’ve felt less and less inclined to change genders. I don’t know when i decided to put this little deadline on myself, but i decided that this year’s Autumn was the deadline for my decision. The deadline for when i’ve got to take the road most commonly traveled. The deadline for when i have to move on.
I’m not trans! I’m someone who doesn’t really care about gender identity. Not in myself; not in others (On account on me being a bisexual). Now, i could be one of those who feel like this needs a label, but i’d rather just let people perceive me as they wish, because to me, it doesn’t matter. And since it doesn’t matter, why put a label on it? Why should i be concerned about that?
Sex is a binary. You either have a dick or a vagina. But gender is a matter of many things. We’re all on different levels of masculinity and femininity, so it becomes a gradient. A gradient where you don’t mind appearing as a manly viking, but also don’t mind appearing as a girly girl.
I guess what i’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter to me, so therefor, i’ll just default to the one i have now, so i don’t have to mess around with the many hardships that HRT, speech therapy and SRS brings. And it feels liberating to write this down. I used to think that my anxiety was linked to gender dysphoria, yet i’ve gone around presenting male all this time, and the anxiety has gone down! Of course, that could be a hidden statistic for all i know. Far be it from me to speak authoritatively on psychology and neurology. So like with everything in my life, i have doubts. I always doubt. But that doubt is down to the same level i have of my doubts that i’m just a brain in a jar in a simulation.
In conclusion, i would advice anyone to just do yourself. Right now, i think the way i’m doing me is a winning formula. I’m feeling better, i’m doing KBT, i’m doing all my hobbies, i laugh, i spend time with friends, and most of all, i’m presenting male. And all of it feels good to me. I feel right.
Of course, you can always develop as a human being and life is a constant self-discovery quest.