I’m not afraid
I’ve been feeling pretty bad as of late. It’s a mix between the usual anxiety and the fact that days are getting much shorter (Seriously, I live two to four hours by by car from the arctic circle). But as any expert or amateur on anxiety will tell you. “Anxiety is your body’s way of telling that you need to change something in your life”. So naturally, under such huge amounts of it, I’ve been thinking of ways out.
So while I was out walking, I started thinking about what I should do.. I thought about the fact that I might not get a renewed contract at my work place next year (next October), that my hair is falling off, that I’m fat, and that living here is going to make me fade away into nothing. I figured I had to do something. Because I want to make something out of my life. I want to be somebody. I want to live as myself in a place I feel comfortable.
But.. There’s always a but. I have my comfort zone. I have a work here, I have relatives who helps me a lot. So how I could just pack and leave? I’d better not think of the what ifs. Because that’s not going to help me one bit. But there is a rational part of that. I have the support structure here. Over in some other place, I won’t. So it’s an undertaking. Or is it?
I figured, I need to get a perspective. I need to briefly get out of my comfort zone and weigh my options.
And what better way to do that than to visit my big sister down in Göteborg. Perhaps by doing that, I could get some perspective.
This song pretty much helped me come to this conclusion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRHAnHdfk6k&app=desktop