Archive | April 2014

I used to be an airbender

I wanted to take some time to tell a little anecdote about my childhood.
Back when i was around 8-9 years old, i believed that i could control the wind! This story came to me when i was retweeting Marco_io9 on twitter. He wrote a book geared towards people who are questioning their faith in god. Which made me think about myself, cause i’m egocentric that way. I thought about how i never had to grow up with a god in my life, as my family had been atheist for a few generations.

Anyhow, i thought about how i never believed in a god, but that i did believe in a bunch of other things throughout my life. I think i must have tested all types of theories in my life. I tried to believe in the usual stuff that you believe in as a child. Like the tooth story (Although, in Sweden, i don’t think the tooth fairy is the prevailing lie. But we do have a variation of it), the easter bunny and Santa. I eventually grew to understand that none of this was real, as most people do. But once i was done with those at around 7, i started trying out other things. Like, i used to make potions out of mud (Didn’t drink it) that i thought would give me special powers if i smelled the ooze from the cauldron (The puddle), and the power i believed i got was the power to control wind!

And that got me thinking about the lesson i want to impart from all this. At that point, i learned about confirmation bias. Because i would only remember it when the wind did what i wanted it to do. And that fantasy worked for a few months until i had to confront myself with that notion, and i eventually found out that the wind didn’t give two shits about how i wanted it to move.
So i learned about confirmation biased. But that didn’t remove anything bad from my life. In fact, it just made me that more appreciative of the wind. For being this powerful and non-caring force in the world. To this day, i carry a love for the wind, all because of what it taught me!


Getting out to meet people

Figured other closeted transsexuals or crossdressers would like to read this!

Candy Kowal

Sometimes I wish I could go to a LGBT conference and experience those glorious  days of acting and being feminine, in a public setting, for a extended period of time.

Like a lot of us out there,  I am in the closet, and just can’t pack up my pretty things and fly away to another city.

Those of you who can, you should do so, for a lot of us live to read about your experiences and better understand how to do things we can in a more local setting.

Within the past year, I have read those experiences and have built up the confidence in myself and my wardrobe  to get out and about and meet those locals who have that chance.

That first time out and about, was eased by what I have read, the friendships I nurtured in social media sites, and practicing common techniques in feminization.


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Good news!

Yesterday, i got a call back (Already) from the clinic, and it turns out that they still want me to come! I can’t believe how lucky i am! This time, i’ve made sure that no more mistakes or misunderstandings occur! I’ll make sure that the people there understand it too! Where i’m coming from with my situation. After all, I’m partially there to tell them about myself!

There is hope. Just not a lot of it!

I just got done with a call to the clinic i’m in contact with (About my trans issues). A very sobby call. How come? Why am i so sad?
Last month, after i was done with that meeting with my doctor, i thought i made sure that later April would be the next time. And since i didn’t write the date down on my phone, i guess that i must have assumed that they would be sending a letter with the next time on it. I say “i guess” because i don’t know. My memory of a week back is hazy, let alone a month back. And i really hate having to do this, but i’m gonna blame my mental illness for once! For those who don’t know, anxiety has a lot of horrible side effects. One of which being that your memory starts sucking.

You know what? I suck! The only one losing on this is me, and the only one who cares about these excuses is me.
The person i talked to was a secretary (Or something of that effect) who would relay my message to my doctors. Last time, they gave me a warning that one more missed time would lead to the cancellation of the whole process. So that is what i’m expecting. I don’t know if they’ll reconsider or not. Honestly, i don’t think they will! Why would they? I’m a mess! Maybe it would be better if i stopped pestering people with my problems all together, and take matters in my own hands.

Whatever. I don’t know what the point of this post was. I just wanted to vent a little i suppose.

In which I grudgingly concede that I am not the best at misandry

“they became what they beheld”

Another angry woman

If misandry were real, I’d like to think I were its queen. I feel like I’ve contributed well to the cause of misandry, from advocating for the important cause of killing all men to being that girl who just won’t bone you. I’m such a prolific misandrist, I should run accredited training courses.

But for all of my credentials, I have come to realise that I am small fry compared to a certain group. It pains me to know that no matter how much misandry I undertake, there will always be these people being better at misandry than me. And as a misandrist, it almost kills me to say that those people are men.

Yes, men. Men are brilliant fucking misandrists. Have you ever read something written by men, about men? These dudes fucking hate men with a burning passion I have never quite managed to muster. They think men…

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Candy Kowal

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