It’s my birthday. Woo! I didn’t really lay out a plan last year, of what I wanted done. Not that I’d want to. But I will say this. I honestly thought I would be further along in my transition at this point.
I don’t want next year to be as slow. I’m going to so everything in my power to speed this along.
I wanted to cram this in earlier, but i just forgot to tell. It’s the reason why i went on about self-sabotage and what not, yet i forget? I’m a very absentminded girl!
What i wanted to say is that i finally got a call from Uppsala, and i’m going there in a week! Needless to say, i’m very excited! That’s all i really had to say.. I guess i’ll do a short update as to what i’m doing.
Been playing some minecraft on the stephencraft server (As i explained earlier) and a lot more pokémon. Got out of the big city for the first time! Will probably hit the 2nd gym later (Sis… Do you even Pokémon?). That’s about it. I won’t pick up the progress on the app for a while. I am writing down a few features i’m going to add once i do get back to it, though!
When i was younger, i used to have a horrible habit of self-sabotating for myself. I would do it all the time. Missing parties that would probably have been fun, missing a meeting with a friend, etc.
Sometimes, i wonder if i ever managed to shed that habit. I mean, i don’t do it anymore as far as i know. But last time i missed an appointment with my transgender therapist, my thoughts sort of wandered to that place.. “Am i subconsciously self-sabotaging?”
I mean.. My stress and self-esteem hasn’t exactly gotten better. But at the same time, i feel that i’m not that person anymore. I’m not one to do that. After all, i’ve gotten this far in my transition. I’m mare months away from HRT. No! I’m not that person.
Maybe it’s an exercise in futility to examine yourself while you’re in the situation you’re in. No good analysis comes from doing that. Retrospect has proven to be the far better analytical tool to see what actually went on. And that’s only because you have no real investments in it anymore. It’s become a thing of the past. Which is what i want to leave you off with.
The bad you feel today is not what you’ll feel tomorrow. It might be difficult to understand it now, but time will make it apparent. And when you finally get to that point, make sure that you learn from it.
To paraphrase a much smarter person than me: The show doesn’t have to go on! It’s the last thing that must go on!
I think in the face of human rights being violated, you should probably abstain from entertainment. You have to be pretty fucked up or very ignorant to give money to a bunch of people who torture homosexuals. If i were to strip away a few middle hands and make the scenario a bit more easier to understand, i would say that you’re giving Nazis a bunch of money (because the Olympics is big business) just to see an athlete do things.
But if that doesn’t phase you, then perhaps this will:
Boycott Sochi! Don’t give your money to these horrible human beings! Make a stand against human rights violations! Show Russia that we won’t tolerate this behavior! Now is the time to do what’s right, not to be entertained!
Disclaimer: I know Russia is not the same as Nazi Germany. Although it is really close! And i know it’s not all Russians, obviously. But in chunk, and as a country, they permit the torture of homosexuals. That’s what i mean with “horrible people”.
I’ve taken a bit of a break from the podcast app i’m making (Which i might have a name for now) to catch up on podcasts, play some games and stuff. Played a bit of minecraft on the official unofficial StephenPlays server. Don’t know what that means? Check out the video:
So if you want to play some minecraft with me, you can jump in!
The other game i’m playing, and the thing that sparked this blog post, is Pokémon. I’ve played it for about 2 hours or so, and am already loving it. Being able to customize your character’s looks is huge to me, and i’ll tell you why.
Back when i was younger, i used to escape into the world of pokémon. Everyone needs a break from the monotony of life sometimes, but for me, there was more to it. The version i played the most was Pokémon crystal, which was the first game to let you play as a female character. Back then, it was just what i needed to fulfill the urges of being a woman.
Now, playing generation 6, i can say that it feels good to live in normalcy once again. That’s the feeling i get. And it was just what i needed. As of this blog post, i’m still living in a complicated limbo between going full time and staying in “guy mode”. So many you can understand that even small things such as an RPG can mean so much to a trans woman.
I just got out of the blogger’s block of, and i’m ready to write about where i’ve been.
Seriously, nothing has really happened. I’m still in male to female limbo, and have no idea what will happen next. I am quite amazed at how i’ve been handling myself though! In the past, i would just feel self-pity and waste away, but now, i just figure “Hey! What else can i do at this present moment? Might as well enjoy myself and be productive”. So i took up programming again. Been having a lot of fun making my podcast app. It’s coming along nicely actually..
Since my trans-scapades are in a halt, i guess instead of raporting on that on this post, i could show a screenshot and write a bit about my progress on the application.
Here’s a download link to the APK (Yes, it’s android only). It’s target minimum version at the moment is around 4.x+, i think. But the full version will be 3.x+
Plain and simple, it’s a podcast manager. Been doing a lot of the visual aspects of the app so far, but will be adding the meat of the program very soon. So you’ll be able to manage your podcasts as well as play them. It will have a lot more features than that, of course. But that’s the start of the alpha. My app is currently pre-alpha.
Anyhow. Now you know what i’ve been up to. In case you were curious. Going to try to keep my blogs as short as i can, because long posts can be a huge drag (And… i might have to leave very soon on my nightly stroll i always take around this time of night (9:30pm)).
By the by. I would love if anyone out there came up with a name for my application. Anyone interested in naming a podcast player for Android?
I have had the blogger’s block too. But now i’m going to do a somewhat funny thing, by breaking my blogger’s block, by writing about blogger’s block while responding to someone else’s blogger’s block..
Actually, i just wanted to write that down. I want to respond to much more than just the blogger’s block. For instance, you talked about that you should meditate. Something i can fully agree with. Have the discipline to meditate twice a day, 30 minutes each. Don’t know how to meditate? Try Transcendental Meditation! It can be difficult to find practice audio when you’re new, so naming a non-bullshit, secular-friendly version of it, can do a lot of good for people like you and i.. People who might be reading my blog or your blog.
PS: I’m glad you’re writing again! (:
Does anyone else struggle with blogging from time to time? Is blogger’s block a thing? 🙈
Well, no matter, because I think I finally nailed down the source of my blogger woes. And it probably comes as no surprise, but it turns out, the culprit was me! haha Go figure. Basically, I was taking the whole blogging thing way too seriously. I think the seriousness came from putting pressure on myself to be something I’m not. I’m not a counsellor. I’m not even an advisor, although I like to help where I can. I’m just a girl with a big sparkly heart who wants the world to feel the grace of pure, universal one-ness and love. That’s all. So, although I had well-intended intentions to lay out the details of my personal transition from Woe-Is-Me to Little-Miss-Sparkly… the truth is, it’s been a very personal journey of self reflection and…
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