Dysphoria, small town, close-mindedness.. I’m moving!
I have it really good where i am right now. I’m close t family, i have all the help i can need from various people where i live, i have a steady income, a one year contract with my job (That i may terminate whenever i want to), and i even get some amount of help with my transsexual issues. Yet, i have this yearning to leave. To leave all that makes sense. To leave this seemingly stable life.
Seemingly, that is. I know that when all is said and done, i’m not growing as a person where i currently am. I’m not challenging myself, i’m not living to my full potential. Of course, i’m referring to my transgender issues. I’ve talked alot in the past why i feel that i just can’t be myself where i live right now. I mean, heck.. I’ve gotten all the vibes and “advises” in the world that i can’t even dress the way i want around my mom and dad. And since then, i haven’t done any strides what so ever, to improve myself as a human being.
So what would moving gain? Well, for one, i feel i don’t belong here to begin with. I live in a small town where it’s basically “Think like we do, or get out”. And that involves so many aspects of what i am! I can’t meet like-minded people, or get acceptance. Another reason to move is to grow as a person. I need to get away from everything i’ve gotten used to. From the stone that i’ve chiseled myself into.
Moving would be the major stride toward a change that i so desperately need. This situation is secure in the short run, but not in the long run. Gah.. I sure have been egotistical the past few blogs. But i just can’t express enough how saddening living here is. And i just had to vent a little.