Finding the answers – part 4 – thinking of stress

–Day 4

10pm
Currently outside, snitching some WiFi from some place.
Had a good sleep last night. I feel that I’ve learned a lot about my sleep while staying here. For one, I will stop eating breakfast directly after lunch, I will take a nightly walk about an hour earlier than before.

11pm
.. And I will not be sleeping with the TV on anymore. The computer will be turned off at night.

2:30pm
Exploring the outskirts of town now. Found a nice bench — on a forest path — to sit on.
Been thinking about my stress. I need to be able to tell myself that it’s all OK, and that nothing’s bad is gonna happen. I also don’t need to go anywhere. I am here now, and that’s that.
Yet, this eerie feeling is looming over me. A feeling of helplessness and fear. I should request to talk to someone once I get home, maybe.

I’ve lived like this for so long, that it becomes a big difficulty to just be happy. How I wish things could be easier.
Perhaps it all comes from a feeling of failure? I think everything’s gonna go to shit, just because I failed to be sociable, that one time today. I wrote down that I need to be able to handle downfalls better.

3:15pm
I’m going to socialize as soon as i get back, to see if I’ll feel better.

3:45pm
It seems to have helped. Currently trying to meditate.

4:39pm
I checked out what asmr is earlier. They talked about it on gamegrumps, of all things.
It’s when someone moves close in on the mic and talks in a very soft and quiet voice. Basically Bob Ross. Who, by the way, I should check out later. I wanna watch some videos where he paints. Only watched one in the past. I loved it!

Oh, and meditation is helping, but it’s slow. I can remain focus for about a minute, and I can remain in a session for about 15 minutes.

5:27pm
People often complain about hospital and school food.. I’m not one of them. I think it tastes awesome, to put it in general and blunt terms.

So now it’s time go outside, then Luigi’s mansion, then some video(s) and maybe some meditating.
I still need to address the big elephant in the room. My transsexuality.
I need to make an executive (I’m fancy with my fancy words) decision about me dressing the way I want. It will be done tonight.

5:50pm
Outside walking again. Based on a few signs I’ve seen here and there, people in this town seem very proud about their dialect/slang. You’ll see things like “körv”. If I find a sign or something that says “oshan” or something, I will take a picture.

7:17pm
I love puzzles. I wrote it down on my list. Totally buying some 1,000s and 2,000s, to start off.

10pm
Finished Luigi’s mansion 2. What an excellent game. From start to finish. I loved exploring the very detailed areas in the game. Always played with the 3d on. The Luigi’s mansion games were made for 3d at the very start. And it showed. Gah… I’ll miss my time in that game.
Been thinking of doing some gem and boo hunting though. Maybe 100% it. I probably will.

The meditation session about my transsexuality got put on hold due to fitting my time with the lunch and “walk” times (they force you stay inside after 7pm).

Tomorrow, I will explore the harbor some more. Gotta love that nice sea breeze.
A new episode of Sjin’s “feed the world” series got released too. So I’ll probably take my pills, watch his video, browse some reddit and twitter, and then fall asleep.

I haven’t been on Facebook in days now. And I won’t be visiting it until o get home either.

A nurse/doctor told me that wanting to go home is a good sign of recovery. Feels good.

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About Get a Grip

Code monkey. Opinionated.

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