Finding the answers – part 2 – Luigi’s meditation

–Day 2

I like traveling, seeing new places, meeting new people; I love laughing, watching stand ups, sketch shows, and comedy.
I need to indulge in these urges more often. I think my negative thoughts about my future is because I’m staying in the same place. Knowing what I know all the time… I’d like yo call it “bondsjuka” (farmer sickness).

Had a talk with a head doctor at the clinic I’m staying in. He changed my status from a 3 to the lowest (I think). So I’ll get to go out for the first time today.

I kind of like having these inhibitions. It forces me to take the stress head on, rather than running from it.

Everyone at this clinic is nice. Very good people.

Been meditating a lot.

Just had dinner. It’s funny, as a rule, on this clinic doesn’t allow chargers (because, I guess some people used them to take their lives?), but they allow tooth picks.. Sharp, stabby toothpicks.
I have to ask them to open a door where “valuables” are to charge things. My 3ds is currently being charged in that room.
Been playing some Luigi’s mansion 2. Really fun so far.
Ah… If only i was allowed yo have my chatger. But oh well.. Rules is rules. It’s for the safety of those who would get the idea of killing themselves with my charger, so it’s more than understandable.

I have to ask the person I’m taking a walk with, what my current status on this clinic is (you know.. I was talking about “from a 3” earlier)

It feels really nice not having to care anymore. I need to carry this attitude further in my life. Live for the moment, just have fun and relax.

I guess I should think more about what makes me stressed out.
Trudging the same spot over and over again…
I get stressed when conversing with people..

Let’s talk about that. I seem to be unable to get my brain to stay at a consistent level. It’s either max or min.. How do I rectify this? Well.. Brining it to light is one step. And maybe I need to practice calmness in the presence of others. Maybe then my anxiousness would subside a lot, and I won’t have to always worry about waiting..?

But how do I do that? It really does boil down to me having to be myself. So I guess that, once I get back from this place, I need to dress better. Get some unisex clothes (because I love that) and wear some dresses, god damn.

When I get home, I’m going to do a lot of clean up. Gonna remove a few people I’m following on WordPress, a lot of people I’m following on twitter.. Mainly because I want my timeline to cater to what I want to hear. Which is not a bunch of atheists talking about how god isn’t real.
I’m going to start vlogging. It’s about time I fulfill that promise I made myself, so very long ago.
There are many other things I will do once I get home too.. Speaking of. I left my computer on. Bloody hell! (Although, that thing is on all the time anyway, so whatever)

I am me.. I like to identify as a woman, but one major thing I need to stop doing is to try to live by someone else’s standard of what a woman is. It’s time I start being me!

Another good thing this trip is doing for me is to take me off sugar. I’ll admit, I’ve been eating far too much of it.

Met a really nice guy who I share a lot in common with. We talked about science, series, life and the world. You know, all those overearnest things anyone in our age is more than happy to discuss.
Hard to think I met someone younger than me. And like with most, someone with more severe problems than mine.
His issue is that he’s got aspergers and he thinks he needs ADHD medicine. Only problem is that people with aspergers aren’t treated seriously. I hope it’ll go well for him.

There’s a plum tree outside of the clinic. Tasted a plum… Not prime for eating yet. Not ripe.. Let’s just say.. Some of the higher up ones seem eatable though.

Aside from the personal, there are some very interesting people here. Been chatting it up with a few. Someone has back problems, and is running a risk of getting paralyzed. Alot of them who are around my age has severe depression, and has attempted suicide.
Again. I submit that my issues are minor. I wonder if I’m telling myself that just to get happier with my own condition?
Either way, it always feels good to know that I’m not alone in this.

I got a fantastic view from my room. The picture I took doesn’t do it justice, but at least it’s a memento.
The whole city is in my view. Reminds me about back in the day when I lived in a town called “kramfors”. Had a similar view there. That was the first and only time I had seen the full moon light up an entire lake, at midnight. Completely white.. I hope I will get to see that some day again. Maybe not tonight, or even in this town. But one day.

Going to play some Luigi’s mansion 2 before bed. Amazing game. Such a pure gaming experience.

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About Get a Grip

Code monkey. Opinionated.

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