Short post today! First of, i started following my big sister on wordpress! One of my siblings finally started something creative on the web for once. Everyone else kind of avoids it!
And yes! I got a new dress! Like i’ve said before. This might seem like a small thing. But for me, it’s a step towards my normalcy (I’ll explain that in more detail later). It’s a frilly dress that’s more lightweight than the other one i got. No straps (Only my bra straps).. And it’s awesome! So yay me!
Been pondering a lot of things as of late. During the dull moments of the Howard Stern show, i almost always phase out their banter about some boring celebrities or boobies, to ponder about things. And sometimes, i sit in complete stillness too!
I’m melting down yet another chat i had with my brother, regarding feminism! TJ made a video about some list that a supposed feminist had written.
TJ’s video is as (un)eloquent as ever, and it’s obvious that he’s just taking the shit out of that guy. But who can blame him.. The list is so silly, that i don’t know what to say. Is the guy in question a troll? Is he for real? Is he even a feminist? How many feminists actually think this way?
The last question, i don’t even understand that i have to ask. Because with all other groups, you get a pretty good grasp of what the consensus within it is! But not with this.
AwesomeRants made a video a few months ago about feminism, where she basically said that it’s a moot term at this point. Because no one seems to know what it even means anymore!
I agree with her. But i would like to add, after a lot of thinking about it. I think feminism is in a crossroad, where it is changing a lot.
I mean, this very aggressive stance to redefine atheism and all of these feminists you find everywhere, who basically espouse the dreary things that this list maker pukes out!
I don’t know. The more i see, the more i’m convinced that they’re indoctrinated! Someone should not be able to proudly say “I went to this feminism study for a week, and it changed my perception of everything!” or “I didn’t know how marginalized and discriminated against i was, until i found feminism”. I mean, it sounds an awful lot like indoctrination! I’m sorry. I just feel that way!
But maybe i’m wrong in my perception of feminism! Maybe i’m just not seeing it! Maybe a naked woman is wrong, and is furthering the objectification of women in society at large! Maybe their conviction holds true, and i’m just a grumpy, dumb conservative.
I’d like to be proven wrong! Show me what feminism is!
2nd trip to the doctors, shoe-misadventures, dysphoria and telling off a prick alleged transsexual
(Featured picture is of the clinic i go to)
I’ve been trying to write a post as of late, but i’ve been feeling very apathetic as of late. So it’s been difficult to write anything. First things first. I’m glad to say that i finally went back for another meeting with the doctors, about my trans issues. This was about two weeks ago now, so i feel a bit guilty not having written it down. I tried to, earlier, but i just wasn’t happy with what i wrote. Too disjointed and “obligatory postie”.
Shoe-misadventures & Dysphoria
I had fun, and i was glad. It was a very relaxed meeting with a curator type person, who just wanted to know more about my situation and my life. So nothing big this time!
But anyway! That was then, and now is now. My day started pretty good. Had a pretty bad night of constant fatigue (Which is part of anxiety disorder) — I love how just writing about it makes me fatigued. Truly, it’s all in my mind. If only i could just tell my brain to stop being that way! It’s nothing i can’t handle though!
Before going on, i have to point out that my shoes are literally falling apart. So i decided last night that i would have to head to the shoe store, the following day. Which is today. After i had done some chores at home, i finally went out, hopped on my bike, and drove down to town to get some new shoes.
Since it’s Sunday today, hardly any stores were opened (I live in a small town). So i went into one of the only stores that were opened at that time (Around 3pm). Big mistake. I mean.. I have huge difficulties shopping for clothes, being semi-out as a transsexual, presenting male. But to be told they only sold women’s shoes, as if there was nothing there for me to get, was just too much for me. And i feel so horrible on so many levels about feeling this way. None of those levels of feeling-badness involves them as people though. They don’t know, obviously.
But it does make me feel horrible taking it so badly, even though i know why i feel horrible about it. Still, it makes me feel childish, stupid, sick, like crying, depressed and most of all, frustrated! The frustration is the worst thing right now. I can handle the depression somewhat, but the frustration it brings me is unbearable. I feel that it’s only because i am in the way of myself too. Boundaries that i’ve set up for myself, all to not have to confront my parents and have my fragile state of mind shattered.. Today, i feel that i should stop doing that, and start being myself. But it’s not for the best, it’s just a feeling.
Telling off an alleged transsexual
I read an anonymous alleged transsexual write about his/her issues yesterday, and he/she wrote about how in some ways, he/she was happy to not have been born a girl, cause the patriarchy and all that. And i want to say to that person that even if i was born in a country where a female was expected to be raped by the time they get to the age of 13, i would still pick being born a girl. It never even crossed my mind, to be happy about the convinces or the certain privileges of presenting/being male (Not that i subscribe to the school of thought that says that males are more privileged. I’m just saying that even if that were the case).