I’m the worst person i know
Emo title. But i think it’s fitting. Because i am a bad person. I should probably just come to terms with it, and proceed to killing puppies.. I’m joking about the puppies.
As a followup to the previous post, it seems that all i caused for my friend was stress. She apparently had a panic attack or something. Which isn’t surprising. Because just look at who she’s talking with. I’m a transsexual who’s the least genuine and most stressed out person ever. I haven’t made an honest effort to dress as myself in public, for a long time. Just because of some irrational fear that things are just gonna get more complicated.. Just because both mom and dad seem to not want it. I mean, how weak can you be, right? Well, not much weaker than me, apparently.
Then the stress that i must exude at every single meeting, offline or online. I don’t know.. I shouldn’t say “I don’t know all the time”, but i don’t know about people. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s me. That i am the one who is expecting too much, putting too much pressure and being the asshole. Maybe everything i’ve ever done towards someone, that they didn’t like, has been my fault. Maybe that’s true.
I might have to come to terms that i’m bad, like i said at the beginning of this post. And i owe it all to my disingenuous sense of being. Just the fact that i’m moping and moaning about this just makes it all worse too. Just thought i’d add that.