Archive | April 2013

Helping a friend, and fellow transsexual


An update post is coming later today, but in the meantime, I would like to urge my followers and readers to help out a friend with her name change.

Here’s her donation page:

So if you could please help, i would be most thankful and it would mean a lot to me. Thank you, thank you. (:


Old pictures, photoshopping and my boss wants me to do what??

Not sure i’ve gone into any sort of detail what i do for a living.. Or, rather, something i do.. Ok, let me start from the beginning. I’ve had anxiety issues for quite a few years, and a few months ago, i was offered to intern at a job. Completely on my own terms, and to get my accustomed to work, because i’ve been unemployed for so long. I get to pick to the times and everything, and right now, i’m up to 2 hours from Tuesday to Thursday, about to expand an hour each day.
Initially, i was asked to do it for a few months (To April), but i’ve recently got an indefinite yes, and can stay there for as long as i like.

I restore old pictures. I’d show you one, but i don’t feel comfortable taking pictures from my job, because i don’t know if i have the permission to do that. But! Today, my boss asked me if i wanted to restore a picture of his grandpa. I said yes, of course. I mean, i knew that they were impressed with my skills (I’ve been told that a few times), but not this much. I feel very honored that he thinks i’m good enough to do that for him, and it’s humbling when people appreciate the work you do. So of course i want to give back. I’ve already gotten a place to be to rid myself of this anxiety (Which is no doubt a small part of me not having a job or activity) and a huge merit bag from people in the business  The money i get from external sources (It’s kind of complicated.. It’s Sweden). But as long as the money i get is enough for me to go about my day, spend on some items i want to buy, and help me with travels and stuff, i’m fine (Which it is. Yay Sweden).

Anyhow. I also, during the moment my boss asked me to fix the picture, mentioned that i was going to do the same with a picture of my mom. I wanted to restore it, and even add color to it. So he said something i couldn’t even have dreamed of. He said that i could do that too, and that they could scan the picture for me.. You know, super expensive, professional scanners, that keep so much fucking detail, and make the picture so high res. I was so happy to hear that, because the picture i have is a smaller two inch (If even that), faded picture of my mom when she was five years old, so i’m gonna need all the initial detail that i can get. I’ll put it as the picture of this post (Which, incidentally, is something i’m gonna get better at)

So yes. Expect to see what i do for a living soon. I want to post a before and after pic of her. It’ll be a lot of fun. Which what my job is to me. Fun! I get to experiment a lot with pictures, get better at making old scratchy pictures look nice. And i’ve always thought that was really fun. From my days of watching “you suck at photoshop” to following the photoshop subreddit.

It gets better and better and has a story too it. Truly unique tutorial videos

I recommend you get a copy of adobe elements or photoshop (In whichever way you see fit) and start working your magic. It’s not the hardest thing in the world, it’s easy to learn, fun to do, and a lot of room for experimentation.
Oh, and if you don’t want to use photoshop, i recommend trying “paint dot net” or “gimp”.

1 year of my blog! Thank you, all 101 of you! <3

Today, my blog turns one year. So let’s summerise the state of my blog, and what has happened during this first year, and let’s give some thank yous to people.

  • I’ve managed to accrue 101 followers in one year. Which i think is really good.
  • I get about 20 views or more a day depending whether or not i wrote a post, and what day it is. But generally, it’s a little over 20 views daily.
  • I get about 2 likes a post. Sometimes none, sometimes 4.
  • Most comments, i get on my twitter. Which is now up to 280 followers.
  • My most viewed post has gotten over 480 views, and is about milotic as a transgender symbol. Which initially made my friend, Jocelyn, whom i talk a a lot about, angry. But i think overall, it strengthened our friendship. She came to her senses the next day.
  • I’ve gone from posting daily to writing once or twice a week.
  • I’ve gone from not having anything in terms of plans, to having an internship (Which the people at my job are very grateful for, i’ve been told), a psychiatrist  my own flat; i’ve gotten to the doorstep of meeting with an expert on transsexuals, i can now handle my anxiety much better and i’m going to get a work psychiatrist later on too. So a lot of help.
  • And i’ve started to get more into the transsexual community. Both on reddit and everywhere else.

Those are the ones i can think of right now. The major ones.
I think my blog has been very important to me, and i’m really happy that so many people would care to read what i have to say. For that, i am truly thankful.

My predictions for next year will be that i have started my transition. That’s a major one. Then i would like to go full time as a woman. I’d like to have moved out. Preferably Göteborg. The largest city in the south of Sweden (Where my big sister lives). And that’s about all i can really hope for. Who knows what life is going to bring.

Once again. Thanks to anyone who has ever read my blog, and thanks for all the twitter comments. You’re all great! ❤

Epic music. Bravely Default and many more.

Two days ago, i was recommended a soundtrack from a friend (Jocelyn. I’ve mentioned her a few times before). We were talking about epic songs and how we both love rock music. Fast forward a day later: I’m told that my appointment was canceled, and i’m bummed.. Majorly so. But in the second half of yesterday, i gave the Bravely default soundtrack a proper listen, and it helped me immensely to get over my depression (That, and talking to Jocelyn about it).

Fast forward to now. I’ve listened to one of the best song’s i’ve heard in a veeeery long time, about 30 times now. And i’m telling you. It took me 20 listens to get over the goosebumps i kept getting. That’s how good it is! I mean, i’ve listened to songs on repeat a lot in the past, but never have i really had something like this for one song. Sure, for the whole album of Dream theater’s Metropolis part 2, i had goosebumps after many repeat listens. But never for any one song.

So here i am right now, just raring to share a bunch of epic songs. So why don’t i start with the song that i keep mentioning?

I refuse to think that the creators of the Bravely Default soundtrack aren’t fans of Dream theater. At the very least, they must have been an inspiration on some level (And considering that DT is big in Japan, it wouldn’t be too hard to believe). This song illustrates that DT inspiration more than any other:

I’m guessing this next one is a 2nd to final boss. Or final boss, first form:

And that’s more like an orchestra:

And there are plenty other fantastic songs in that sountrack. I strongly recommend you check it out if you’re a fan of videogame music and rock.

So here are a few more epic songs, just to collect them:

Just about any old school nightwish song, really.

A sample from Octavarium, sporting a pretty funny, almost DCMC-esque animation:

Anyhow. I’d be here all day. But these are some of my favorites. Anyone reading this has any good epic songs they’d like to share?

postponed until.. Well, i have no idea.

I got a call early this morning, where some organizer or something told me that the doctor i was going to see today, about my transition, is sick. And she said that she’ll call back.. She also said that i could call back, so i’m guessing they’re gonna go with the ladder, because why bother, right? So i have no idea when or if i’m going to get a new time. I am once again put in limbo, and it feels horrible. Getting my excitement up for nothing. This is why i tend to take the cynical approach to things.
Oh, and top that off, i ordered tickets to Uppsala (because it’s two hours by train) that i can’t change. And the train leaves in like, 30 minutes from now. So unless a miracle happens.. But yea, they cost over 500 SEK (82 USD), so i’ve wasted(!) a bunch of money too. Great.

I just want to cry.

Tomorrow, i start my transition

Well, it’s around 9:50pm here right now, and tomorrow i start my journey to Uppsala to meet with fate. I’m finally, after so long, after so many years spent in denial, so many years spent in contemplation, so many years feeling that i don’t fit in, so many years not being me. Tomorrow starts my journey to counteract all of that. To start being myself. It won’t be easy, and i won’t just instantly start going full time (Because, you know, it’s not exactly easy with the hair i have). But i’ll reach a milestone to where that will become reality, not too far away from now.

I feel nervous, happy, anxious and ready! Tomorrow will hold a lot. It will bring a lot. I might write updates on my phone, of my journey. If only to keep my anxiousness away.
See you on the other side, everyone.

It’s time

I’m writing a short post from my phone. Just got to my parent’s place, and a mail FINALLY got to me.

I’m going to meet with an expert on transsexuals in a week from now. After all this wait, I finally have a time. 2pm 18th of April 2013. A week.
Feeling very nervous and excited. Can’t believe it’s almost here..

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