A brief transgender story of mine, and some preaching.. again.

I’m currently, and have been for the past few months, been getting pay checks from auntie Sammie (The Swedish equivalent of uncle Sam, as of right now). But let me back up a little first. About a year ago, i started this blog, in an attempt to reach out to like-minded individuals, and to express myself (Cause i wasn’t getting much of that at home). It was also the start of me wanting to get better. For a few months prior to starting the blog, i had really been feeling really really down.. For you see, i came out to my parents in around August of 1½ years from now. I finally came out as a transsexual. With mixed results. I mean, on one hand, i feel that most people in my family accepts it. But not dad.. And mom seem a bit embarssed about it (Seeing as she told me not to dress up the way i wanted in front of her friends).

So instead of what i was hoping for. That is, to dress the way i want, and to finally express myself the way i wanted, i slowly faded into myself again.. Now, in retrospect, i feel that a huge stone was at least lifted from my shoulders because i told them all. So that’s gone at least. But i got no real support, i feel.. And in all honesty, i haven’t really recovered from then. I hardly ever go out in public dressed the way i want. Mainly because of my hair (It just isn’t fooling anyone), but also because i lack the encouragement. A lot of other transsexuals had far more encouragement in their surroundings, so for them, it was much easier… But anyway. I’ve digressed long enough.

So i thought long and hard, and after a lot of dysphoria and depression later, i finally started to reach out in another way. I decided to put my transsexual issues, not on the backburner, but not as the main goal. I decided to get the help for my depression and anxiety (Which was no doubt caused by me being made to feel ashamed of myself, rather than anything else.. But also because of other things, which i’ll explain at a later date), while also talking about my trans issues.. Long story short, i’ve moved out of my parents place, i have a steady income, i work at a photo restoration buisness as an intern of sorts, and i’m a month shy of finally finally being able to meet an expert on transsexuals. Which means that i’ll finally get to start my transition.

The reason why i’m telling everyone this is because of other people around me. I’ve had to slaughter a lot of lazy snorlaxes to get where i am. Both within myself, but also people around me who i feel was just bringing me down. Some people stomp and stomp in the same place for years and years (I was like that for a while, prior to coming out) and never get ANYWHERE! And it makes me fucking sick. Because here i am, from a point of which i thought there was no escape from, still with a lot of issues i need to solve, and yet, so many other people aren’t willing to do anything! The thing is that you can climb out of the pit that you’ve dug for yourself. But the first and most frightening step is to admit it to yourself that you need help, and that you have to climb..

I don’t know if i’m even making sense. I just feel that, if i can make it better for myself, then so can anyone. At least the people who are stuck in a rot, living at their parents place and feeling anxious all the time. Or people living for a wage packet. You can make life better for yourself.  The only question is: do you even want a better life?

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About Get a Grip

Code monkey. Opinionated.

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  1. Dysphoria and girl characters | Jenna Is Me - April 7, 2013

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