A light for transsexuals

Just got done reading a response i got from Jocelyn, regarding the last thing i reblogged. I didn’t exactly say much about the post, other than that it’s poignant and presents a great reality to all transsexuals: Just because you’re done with all the surgeries and you take hormones, doesn’t mean all your problems are over.
And i do think that, and i was personally very glad to read that post. Just to, on a viseral level, understand it better.. And it’s true.. Life is a journey, and you’re never done getting to know yourself, and you’re never done with the struggles until the last breath leaves your once lifeful body.
Or maybe i’m just making up excuses, now that i’ve totally gotten “Told'”. You decide.

Either way. Jocelyn said that it seemed to her to be a self fulfilling prophecy, and that, as your mind wanders into dark territory  and negativity is the only thing left, you stop caring as much (Subconciouslly) about passing. In other words.. One blow to your soul could incapacitate you, and set you on a path of self-destruction.

Ok, i just got the greenlight from Jocelyn to post it, so here it is:

See, I’m not entirely sure she’s interpreting her situation correctly. But let me just make sure I am interpreting this right.

What it seems like she’s saying, is that passability just kind of stops as you get older. And I don’t really agree with that at all. Because I know transwomen in the forties, fifties, and sixties, and they tend to pass better than most of the younger girls. They just have a more natural look to them, which they had grow into. They might not be “beautiful” in that societal view of beauty that so many girls want, but they pass exceptionally well. The hormones, if you’re on the right dose, should prevent the ravages of testosterone.

So, what it sounds like is actually happening here, is that people are starting to clock her from overexposure. It’s not that she’s passing less as she gets older. It’s that people around her who see her so often are simply beginning to see things that they wouldn’t have in those first meetings. Sometimes, people have a bad hair day or a bad makeup day. It might be really subtle, and they might still pass technically, but that imperfection can clue outsiders in to something they wouldn’t have otherwise picked up on. If her voice cracks, or she wears something that’s a little less feminine than usual (or something), people pick up on that. They may not know what it means right off, but because they’re seeing her everyday, they get to see all of the ups and downs, and it becomes very telling.

I still don’t believe it to be INEVITABLE though. In fact, I think the other person who told her about this so-called “inevitably” cursed her to an extent. Not in the voodoo sense, of course, but whether she believed it or not at the time, it planted this seed of doubt into her subconscious. And maybe over time, she actually put just a little effort into passing. Not enough to notice she’s doing it (after all, in her eyes, she passes really well), but enough to make her slightlymore readable. As a result, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I can almost guarantee that this wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t hear that.

This is why I try to keep extremely optimistic about my transition. Whatever ups and downs I face, I know I’ve overcome it all with effort and persistence (and the attitude that comes with optimism in and of itself). And I know that I can go do it all someday. I’m never going to back down. I have bad days sometimes – we all do – but I always get back up and return to my optimistic self. Confident, optimistic transwomen pass 99% of the time no matter how they look. Transwomen who do nothing but complain about how bad they look and how they don’t pass – quite seriously – never put the effort in. And they don’t pass, because they defeat themselves. They look at other women and say, “I’ll never look like that” and give up (and then wonder why they don’t pass).

So a positive attitude, and keeping negative thoughts out of your head is absolutely essential. I’m not talking about blind optimism either. Recognize that bad things happen, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. ANYTHING can be overcome. Some people may require more work than others, but if someone WANTS to pass, they CAN pass. No one – not a soul on this earth – is incapable of passing. And I sincerely believe that, and I cannot be told otherwise.

So her post got me thinking initially, and now this has gotten me thinking even more. So for me personally, it’s been a great experience, getting so many ideas from different sources in one day. And as i said, i don’t think the post was a bad one. Her experience is her experience, and it brings up a good question. But Jocelyn’s light on the matter puts it pretty clearly. Don’t let it get to you.
You need to stay strong, and try to be positive. Believe that you can do it. Cause you can do it (To quote Bob Ross).
A lot of what makes someone’s person isn’t the appearance, as much as it is someone’s confidence.

So yes.. I hope i haven’t been too contradictory here, and that i am making sense at all. And i hope this has been a lesson to a lot of transsexuals, or at least spurred some thought in you. And hopefully even left you feeling stronger and more secure with yourself.

Anyhow. Sorry for being so preachy as of late. And before you stop reading, i’d like to recommend some sources i’ve been using for a while. The transsexual subreddit on reddit is wonderful. Full of trans news and understanding individuals. And the femalefashionadvice subreddit is a great place too. A few trans women there, and lots of fabulous gals.

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About Get a Grip

Code monkey. Opinionated.

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