A transsexual blog
I wrote to Jocelyn today, and i had an epiphany while writing. I don’t use this blog to write about my transgender issues anymore. I told as much to her, stating that when writing to her, i get a lot out of my system. Like me breaking the mirror, or feeling particularly dysphoric. It’s true though. I feel worse about myself than i have in quite some time. Like just this morning, when i had a shower. Sometimes, that can be a tough act to do. Especially when you’re in my position, where you can’t even look yourself in the mirror without feeling utter disappointment. That i won’t even dress the way i want to. To be who i am.
It’s not the easiest thing to write about, and it’s always nice to occupy my brain with fiction and escapism.. But i know that will just lead to even more depression. So where do i stand right now? Well, i’ve hyped a meeting i’ll get with some experts to the point where i feel that i will be let down by them.
I feel like kind of a wreck right now, to be honest. Sure, my anxiety problems has been getting much better, and i have been getting some stuff out to a person i see on a week to week basis. So things are happening. I just wish my month long wait to get an answer from the academic institute in upsala (Which is where it’s at) would come to an end. I’m so anxious to get to them and just spill my metaphorical guts at them. But.. In due time. I have to be patient.
In lighter news. Tried out the camera on my phone (filming-wise) today, and i have to say that i really like the quality. The sound seem to pick up pretty nicely too.
Oh, and google accepted a 360 panorama i took of an empty center in my town. Just follow this link Nexus 4 is one of the first google phones to have this feature built in. I must say that it ends up looking pretty good. It’s great software for sure.
I guess that’s all i really want to say right now. I had some more thoughts, but i really gotta get going. It’s almost time for my nightly midnight walks (It’s a little over 10pm at the moment).