xmas dysphoria, a story about a transsexual during xmas (And some other things)
The nail polish story. Depression over essentially nothing, welcome to my life.
I’ve been feeling very depressed the last two days. All due to my gender dysphoria. I think all transsexuals has at least one story, involving feeling depressed during xmas, and i’m no different. Something as little as removing my nail polish was enough to make me hate myself this time. I wish i could be beyond feeling like that for the most minor things. But i can’t. And hey, at least i’m not alone.
So what’s the story? Well, i removed my nailpolish prior to going to my parents place. And while there, i just started to feel really depressed. You know. Why on earth do i bother? I just feel that everything i do is a lie. I can’t be myself among people i’m supposed to feel comfortable around? What the hell is wrong with me?
I still don’t feel comfortable enough to go full woman yet either. I lack clothing and stuff.
And all this, in tandem with getting gifts, just makes it worse. I decided to just go home instead of staying there, so i skipped all the gifts. Didn’t open them until today actually. Got some guy clothes, of course.. I’d rather not get anything.. But that’s my problem. I feel like a fucking prick for speaking this way. And maybe i am. Probably am. But i can’t help it, and i guess my doctor’s appointment with an expert on transsexuals is some kind of defense, right?
Well, anyway. Long story short. I probably won’t celebrate xmas anymore. I mean, for one, i just can’t get my xmas spirit up anymore, and being among people in that way just isn’t working for me anymore. I can’t handle it. So it’s best that i just remove myself from it.
One piece fandom
On a happier note. I feel much better now. I think the long discussion my brother and i had about one piece did the trick. To think that i still know so much about it even to this day. Oh, and Van Auger was the character with such a funny and awesome name, that i couldn’t think of earlier. Hehe.
I’v been a fan of one piece since almost the beginning. I remember there only being about 3 manga volumes out when i finally got my hands on the first three issues, and i’ve been a fan since. Sure, i haven’t watched it in about three years now. But who can blame me? The series is going on forever. Kind of want it to end.. But you know, i’m still a fan. It’s been long overdue, and i should catch up again. I’m just not much of a wait-a-week-to-watch-next-episode kind of person. I’d rather watch in huge chunks.
Finding my inner videogamer again
I recently got done with Metroid prime. And damn is that a great game. The final boss is a lot of fun, and lets you use all the weapons and skills you’ve learned during the adventure. I know i’m probably in the minority on this, but i’ll take metroid prime over any 2d metroid, any day.
So i feel like i should move onto other games now. Feels great having gotten into the swing of playing more games. What started me and my brother’s discussion on one piece was a game called skies of arcadia. Which is what i think i’ll play soon. I’ve completed it before, and watched my brother played it to the end two times. So i’m a big fan of it. It involves sky pirates, and it’s an old school, unique RPG. So all the stars are aligned for a great experience, and it sure as hell is.
I have the gamecube port of the game.
Then i guess i will be tackling psychonauts too. My brother got it for me three days ago. Little has to be said about it, i think. I’ll just let the trailer for it do the talking for me.
And that’s about it. Kind of a lacking post, and it’s not the karma post or anything. But i guess i had to get it out of my system. Now, tomorrow, i should be cleaning my apartment, because my big sister who is visiting is going to come over tomorrow.