Happy new year everyone, and welcome to 2013. A lot of progress was made by not only me, but a lot of people i know as well. It seem to have been a successful year all around.
So, what did i accomplish this year? I started this blog around the end of April, and am now getting a regular 10 to 15 views per day. Which is pretty great, and i’m very thankful for that. To think that there are enough interesting things on here to garner even 1 view per day. I took my first steps towards gender reassignment, and am now waiting for an expert on the subject to contact me. I got a lot of twitter followers. Around 270 right now. And learned a lot about everything.
I hope to write more specific and in depth pieces in 2013 (I’ll actually write one right after this post actually) and not just focus on transsexualism. And maybe next year, i’ll be able to get 1000 views a month, instead of now where i get about 400 or more views a month. I gotta tell you, it’s fun watching those numbers get higher.
I’m happy for everyone who’s made a lot of progress this year, and let’s hope next year will be just as successful, if not more so. And a huge thank you to anyone who’s taken the time to check out my blog.
I wrote down a short list of what i wanted to write about today. The main focus will be escapism and transgenderism, but i’ll also write about feminism and thunderfoot, lying politicians, and how sleep depriving yourself leads to creativity. Perhaps some of these subjects interest you, or related to you. If so, then why not share your thoughts and reply to this post. I would love to read what other has to say.
Escapism and transgenderism
My brother and i finally picked up borderlands 2 yesterday, in a sort of mini-lan party. We sat at my place and had fun for a few hours, until he decided to leave around midnight (We are both sick and he had to work 6pm the next day). Anyway. The game is out right amazing. It’s better than the first one in every single aspect.
But i digress, what i wanted to get into was escapism. I remember when i was younger, i always used videogames to get away from reality, because i was never a fan of reality. It’s a horrible, cruel and boring place filled to the brim with morons, idiots, douchebags, dickheads, cunts, sons of bitches, regular bitches, pieces of shits and shit heads. And to top it off, i was never comfortable with myself. I could never look myself in the mirror until i got to my teens when i pretty much had to, in order to start shaving.. Ugh. Fuck me, it’s one of the most depressing things i’ve ever had to start with. But i feel that i grew a little more confident, and i started to experiment with dressing differently in the privacy of.. well.. I only had the forest to do that, since i come from a large family. I started stealing clothes from my two big sisters, just so i could try them on. I had done that previously when i was younger too, but not the extent that i did back then in my early teens. I didn’t dare to try using makeup until around 20, sadly enough. Because for the longest time, i thought there was something wrong with me.
But that’s a digression. Videogames! I don’t think i would have been able to cope with myself, had it not been for videogames. I’ve been starting to feel worse and worse about my gender problems the last couple of months (In general, i should say), and i’ve also started to play more videogames. What i think is that i’m just drawn to that. It’s a way for me to cope. I guess to my detriment in a lot of ways, seeing as i should probably try to talk about it with someone i know. But i honestly feel too afraid of myself, too depressed with myself and too hateful towards myself to get anything out of that. Hope that the experts will contact me soon.
Feminism and thunderfoot
Yesterday, i saw a video by thunderfoot where he talked about feminism again. And i want to keep this short, so i won’t go into that much detail in this post. Rather, i’ll let thunderfoot do his thing, and i’ll just add some comments about my disdain for some of the comments from the feminists in that video.
First of. I’d consider the likes of Rebecca Watson and the whole freethoughtblog mess to be radical. I don’t think they represent even a fraction of the whole feminist movement (Even though i have to say that i’m getting less and less convinced of that).
And i do realize that thunderfoot might be scewing it a little in this video, and maybe even misrepresenting the people he makes arguments against. I’m not the biggest fan of thunderfoot, but he does make an overall great point in this video..
.. Which is that feminism, the radical feminists are poisoning atheism. Most notably, the atheism plus fiasco.
And i mean, just listen to some of those stupid comments from Rebecca, where she just out right sounds like a fucking cultist. “Oh, i didn’t use to notice the misogyny and harassment going on around me, and i know a lot of women say that it doesn’t happen, but it does. Boohoo” (To paraphrase her insipid and mindless statement). All i can say to her in this instance is that the only thing that has changed for her, is that she now has a confirmation bias against all things male, and will do anything to stroke her ego and further the false notion that there is a god… I mean, patriarchy. Something that i have yet to have fully explained to me, and something that i have yet to notice.
The other comment that made me feel that this is no better than a religion (And it’s funny how they can’t even notice how similar to a religion their version of feminism is) was the comment about free speech. To paraphrase: Free speech stops where someone starts feeling offended at your comments.
I don’t even have to say why this is stupid. First of all, one of the big reasons why we even have a notion of free speech is to allow those with unpopular opinions to express themselves freely. Someone with popular opinions and PC language doesn’t need that right, because the majority will already been in that person’s side.
Second of all, do you even listen to yourself? Anything can be taken as offensive. It’s a completely subjective thing. For instance, i am offended at you being so easily offended, and i’m offended that we’re of the same species. Are those valid points to get you to shut up, and stop being such a winy little bitch? No, they’re not. Unlike you, i actually believe in free speech, and i will defend your rights to death to say those stupid things, and use my rights to mock you for saying those stupid things.
And that’s all radical feminism really deserves. Because it won’t listen to reason. But why would you expect it to? Someone who follows dogma, and believes in intangible concepts and says that you simply can’t understand them, are usually not very prone to listen to reason.
Here’s a logo i feel is more representative of the movement:
It’s also far more creative than what they went with.
This is quickly becoming a very negative post, but i don’t feel very positive, so it’s what’s gonna come out, i guess.
Let me actually be brief on this one.
The world would be a much better place if only people had the decency to not vote for someone who can’t even answer a simple yes or no question, and who goes out of their way to dodge a question. I realize this is how people are in general. I mean, i recently came in contact with some moron claiming that the second amendment protects all other amendments, and then completely dodged my question when i asked him to explain most of europe for me. So i guess i might be expecting too much of out people, when what they’re really doing is voting for someone as deceitful and dishonest as themselves.
Sleep deprivation is when your creative side wakes up
On a lighter note, i guess i could end with just telling people about something i’m sure any veterans of the internet knows about. About how sleep deprivation boosts your creativity. Well, i’ve had some issues sleeping as of late, so i’ve felt a little more creative.. Long story short, i made this (Unfinished):
A brief history of the exclamation point.
Like all characters and signs, the exclamation point is a relationship between different shapes. They’re usually pretty simple shapes. Arcs, lines, dots; to name a few.
The W for example, is a relationship of two bodybuilders. Together, they form a very strong letter that a lot of languages won’t even use. Swedish for instance. Swedish could only muster up the courage to invite its neece, the V. Who is an acrobat, often seen behind the scenes of experiments such as the Q or the O. Needless to say, V is a master of all things ring.
Anyway. I’ve digressed far enough from the initial subject of this report. The exclamation point. Now, to know where i’m coming from, i need to point out the culture of the alphabet clan. For you see, they don’t take very kindly to posers. In a way, the alphabet is the nerd of the sign kingdom. They’ll sometimes invite the numbers (dorks of the sign kingdom) to play some dungeons and dragons, but that’s about all the interaction they’ll have with anyone else. Their distant cousins of the east: Korean, Japanese, Chinese (to name a few) hardly ever gets to see them.
And i’m done. A pretty angry blog post this time, but hey. It’s just the mood i’m in. Now, i shall retreat into my fake worlds.
The nail polish story. Depression over essentially nothing, welcome to my life.
I’ve been feeling very depressed the last two days. All due to my gender dysphoria. I think all transsexuals has at least one story, involving feeling depressed during xmas, and i’m no different. Something as little as removing my nail polish was enough to make me hate myself this time. I wish i could be beyond feeling like that for the most minor things. But i can’t. And hey, at least i’m not alone.
So what’s the story? Well, i removed my nailpolish prior to going to my parents place. And while there, i just started to feel really depressed. You know. Why on earth do i bother? I just feel that everything i do is a lie. I can’t be myself among people i’m supposed to feel comfortable around? What the hell is wrong with me?
I still don’t feel comfortable enough to go full woman yet either. I lack clothing and stuff.
And all this, in tandem with getting gifts, just makes it worse. I decided to just go home instead of staying there, so i skipped all the gifts. Didn’t open them until today actually. Got some guy clothes, of course.. I’d rather not get anything.. But that’s my problem. I feel like a fucking prick for speaking this way. And maybe i am. Probably am. But i can’t help it, and i guess my doctor’s appointment with an expert on transsexuals is some kind of defense, right?
Well, anyway. Long story short. I probably won’t celebrate xmas anymore. I mean, for one, i just can’t get my xmas spirit up anymore, and being among people in that way just isn’t working for me anymore. I can’t handle it. So it’s best that i just remove myself from it.
One piece fandom
On a happier note. I feel much better now. I think the long discussion my brother and i had about one piece did the trick. To think that i still know so much about it even to this day. Oh, and Van Auger was the character with such a funny and awesome name, that i couldn’t think of earlier. Hehe.
I’v been a fan of one piece since almost the beginning. I remember there only being about 3 manga volumes out when i finally got my hands on the first three issues, and i’ve been a fan since. Sure, i haven’t watched it in about three years now. But who can blame me? The series is going on forever. Kind of want it to end.. But you know, i’m still a fan. It’s been long overdue, and i should catch up again. I’m just not much of a wait-a-week-to-watch-next-episode kind of person. I’d rather watch in huge chunks.
Finding my inner videogamer again
I recently got done with Metroid prime. And damn is that a great game. The final boss is a lot of fun, and lets you use all the weapons and skills you’ve learned during the adventure. I know i’m probably in the minority on this, but i’ll take metroid prime over any 2d metroid, any day.
So i feel like i should move onto other games now. Feels great having gotten into the swing of playing more games. What started me and my brother’s discussion on one piece was a game called skies of arcadia. Which is what i think i’ll play soon. I’ve completed it before, and watched my brother played it to the end two times. So i’m a big fan of it. It involves sky pirates, and it’s an old school, unique RPG. So all the stars are aligned for a great experience, and it sure as hell is.
I have the gamecube port of the game.
Then i guess i will be tackling psychonauts too. My brother got it for me three days ago. Little has to be said about it, i think. I’ll just let the trailer for it do the talking for me.
And that’s about it. Kind of a lacking post, and it’s not the karma post or anything. But i guess i had to get it out of my system. Now, tomorrow, i should be cleaning my apartment, because my big sister who is visiting is going to come over tomorrow.
Doomsday, still no answer from the experts, almost xmas, Karma, Let’s playing and some future plans! This, and maybe some tangents, in today’s installment of “The world didn’t burn, yaay!1one”. Actually, it’s just yet another blog post from your pal, Jenna.
21st is drawing to its end, and the world just isn’t ending. No moon looming above us
.. no fires, no bombs, no ruins, no missiles, no nothing. Not that i’m disappointed or anything. I like living. All i want to say is that people will always make doomsday, and has been since the early 1800:s. People will continue to believe in doomsdays though, because people are too lazy to look up simple facts about the history of doomsday predictions. Nostradamus-shnamus, i say.
Yes, i totally stole that from jocelyncd on deviantart. But she’s so awesome that her awesome even reached down to my little corner of the internet.
I still haven’t heard from anyone regarding my trans-issues. Last i heard was that the doctor i met earlier in this town sent a remiss or something to stockholm to get ahold of an expert there. I guess all i can do is wait. I mean, it is the holidays now and all, so it’s understandable.
Nothing really new to report on that front.
My sister’s coming over this xmas and will be sleeping at my place, so i think i’ll get a lot off my chest with her company, which is great.. And maybe i’ll even get some beauty tips and stuff. That would be great. I also i think i’ll be ordering some shoes and stuff from a trade site. I’ll show some pics:
A lot of black and stuff. But i have to say that i got lucky with the shoes. I rarely find good looking shoes that can fit my big-ass feet. I have size 40-41.
Oh yes! I got clearance a few weeks ago to post a Q&A i did with Jocelyn last fall, so expect that one someday soon.
Speaking of Jocelyn. I’ve promoted her quite a few times on here, and unless it wasn’t obvious already, i really admire her. She makes me want to try harder, and she gives me a lot of inspirations to be a better person overall. So i feel great about her.
However, she wrote earlier on one of her blog posts that she kinda-sorta-maybe believes in Karma. I wrote a PM to her to ask a little more about it, and being the great person that she is, she responded with a pretty heartfelt story about her childhood. Long story short, i’ll be writing a synopsis/article/analysis on Karma in a few days. So expect that too.
There are a few logical fallacies the other side need to address before it can be taken as fact, and i’m also going to make a case that yes, it actually has to follow logic and prove itself. Just writing it down as “It doesn’t need logic” won’t stand. But more on that later. I have some fact checks i need to do first.
Well. Aside from the Karma post and the Q&A, i’ll be posting a year round-up. With some of my favorite pictures i found this year, some of my favorite videos, and just a lot of linkage. So it should be fun to anyone.
Outside of this blog, i feel very much in the mood to start my very own let’s playing channel. I’ve been waiting long enough to do that, and i’m finally in a position where i can do that. After xmas, i will more than likely start it. Feels exciting. I have some notes i will be taking, about what not to do and all that. Quality will be a priority.
And while i’m making other things, i should probably make that video explaining “my maplestory” or whatever i should call it. I need to look at an old harddrive to see if i can get that one working first, gather some additional resources (Pictures, videos) and write a script. So that will be a lot of fun, and kind of sad too. In a melancholy way. Either way, you guys are going to get to see me, and hear me for the first time! Oh, how manly i will appear.. Oh well. I’ll manage. I’ll change a lot with pills… and.. stuff.. ramble, ramble.
So yes! Let’s playing. I’ve been wanting to do it for over a year now. The major factor to me not doing it sooner has been the fact that i’ve been living with my parents. But i’m not anymore. I’m actually about two weeks into having my own place (Feels great, by the way).
What can i say? I just love it. I love listening to retsutalk, which is the best let’s playing podcast out there. I love watching all the let’s play channels, and i just love games in general. And i hear making let’s plays of games gives you a new perspective on them too. Which should be pretty awesome!
These guys happen to be my favorites at the moment: www.youtube.com/user/SGBLikesToPlay/
As a transsexual, i’ve had to go through getting products intended for men over the years. I think one of the worst things was when i got a spiderman figure that one time as a child. I cried and locked myself into the bathroom.. Not my proudest moments, but it just hurt me. And so does getting “nivea for men” and what not, which is what i got last xmas. Made me very depressed. I basically receded into my room, feeling pissy as all hell. And i bet i’ll get a gift of that nature again this xmas. It may sound petty, and i guess it is to some extent, but it can be really hurtful, i can assure you. I don’t need a reminder of my exterior, and people’s perceived image of me.
Lastly, i’d like to link a few new things i’ve found. Most of them are xmas related. Consider it a xmas present from me to you. For being so kind to check my little blog. Thank you:
I guess that’s that. A little over 1100 words in this here blog post. Sorry for dumping so much on you guys. I promise i will update a little more frequently. It’s just that moving has been quite the project, and it’s made me a bit busy. Glad to have finally been able to get this out of my system now though.
And with that! MARRY XMAS TO YOU ALL, and a happy new year!
I must have recommended this guy sometime in the past, because i keep getting search hits for people searching for him. Not just the name though.. Which is the creepy part. Apparently, i’m part of the 0.00000000000000000001% of people who facilitates creepy internet stalkers on pseudo internet celebrities. For months now, i’ve been getting hits from search terms such as “Does Jontron have a girlfriend”, “Did Jontron finish college”, “Does Jontorn believe in any religion?”. I guess people want to know a lot about him. To the guys searching for all that, i would recommend maybe checking some of his official sites. His facebook, twitter, youtube and what not. If it’s not listed there, and if he hasn’t talked about any of that in any of the videos his been in (Gamegrumps, TGS and Jontron), chances are he doesn’t want to share that information. And i would discourage people from being too nosy. The man has a personal life, and i’m sure he values it.
Finally got done with the last bit of unpacking and stuff today. So aside from a few things i’m going to buy later, i am officially moved in now. Took me a little less than a week.
So.. What’s coming up? Honestly, right now, i don’t feel too inspired. Kind of depressed at my hair, in all honesty. It looks horrible, and i can’t make it look good no matter what i do. I’ve heard that a lot of women wear extensions, so i guess i should give that a shot. Heck, Riki Lindholm said at one point that half her hair is extensions. Which would explain why it’s so lustrous. So maybe that will be my answer, until i can do the surgery to fix my hair. I know a lot of transsexuals do that.
Feels great having my own place though. For once. A friend of mine wrote a pretty depressing page on her comic today. You know, now that i finally live at my own place, i could record a video of me talking about it instead of me writing about it. Anyway. I think i’ve written about the comic before. It’s called “Rain”, and it’s about a transsexual going through life as a school girl. It’s really good, and i recommend checking it out.
SPOILER, by the way (The page is too good not to link here):
Next week, i’m going to focus on getting some new clothes and what not. I also want to pierce my ears so i can start wearing earrings. I promised myself i would do that. I feel that i had something else to write about, but this is all i can really think about.
I guess i’ll think about starting the video making sometimes next week too. Feeling a bit excited. Oh, and it’s almost xmas too. About 9 days here in Sweden. If you’ll excuse me, i’m off to take a little walk and listen to some George Carlin.
Let’s begin with the update. Going to move this Sunday instead. Stockholm, where the previous owner of the apartment is moving to, as well as most of Sweden at the moment, has been afflicted with a horrible blizzard. Apparently, they’re having class 1 storm warnings down in stockholm. Because of that, i am not moving until this Sunday, when they say it’s going to calm down. Which kind of sucks. I was hoping to move today. But as luck would have it, she offered to pay the entire rent for december, if i came down this Sunday to help her pack the last of her things. Sure, it’s early in the morning, but i get to move in fairly early this Sunday instead. And with no rent to pay! Feels pretty awesome. Saved me about 323 USD (2400 SEK). So yes. This Sunday, i’m moving. Which feels pretty good, all things considered. Because i hate Sunday, and anything i can do to take my mind off it is good to me.
Other than that, i’ve just been tinkering around with bluetooth on my devices today. It’s pretty fun.
That little rant the title is promising
I’ve seen this in many many pieces of art and stuff i’ve seen as of late. You know, there’s this great image of Hitchens, Hawkins, Feynman, etc. But since those are all men, there’s always a portion of the comments on the image that will say “This image doesn’t represent me enough”. And that has happened so much lately, that i feel i need to say something.
I think i’ve ranted about this earlier. But i guess it bares repeating. Truth of the matter is that most scientists and outspoken atheists are men. It’s as simple as that. A lot has to do with how we raise our kids. Because of that, not a lot of women, until now at least, has perused a career in the STEM field, and they also don’t tend to be outspoken about things (Because, you know.. It’s not “lady-like”). But i think we’re seeing a change in that actually. In a few decades from now, it’s probably going to be equally distributed, not only among men and women, but all sorts of people.
Which leads me to my last point. This goes out to all of those who have made comments, and are making comments, regarding the absence of group (Especially gender) representation in art and other media: I don’t see how the world has to pander to your supposed political correctness. If anything, you’re the sexists/racists/homophobes. Because you’re the one noticing the difference between people, instead of just seeing it for what it is. A bunch of people. Humans. I mean, would i be right in saying that something has little to no representation of transsexuals? No, of course not. That would be silly. There is a time and place to check whether or not we’re discriminating against people, and art and most other media is not the time or the place.
Don’t blame the mirror, blame what’s looking back at it.