Day 131: I’m a princess! Also, some serious talk
In today’s post:
Serious talk about transsexuality. Frogs. AmazingAtheist gets tired at Cody Weber. Borderlands
What if i’m wrong?
Before going into the post of today, i wanted to talk a little more on my transsexuality.
What if i’m wrong? What if my feelings stems from somewhere else? What if it’s just me having bad self-esteem? What if that’s all it is? That maybe i’m just making up these feelings. My brain wants to feel that way, and i just can’t do anything about it?
Sometimes, i just wonder. I mean, it feels right to me to be a woman. I feel like myself then! Unlike what i have in any other time in my life. When, in the few instances where i’ve been able to be myself, it just feels so right. I feel like me. I don’t feel like i’m a shadow of something else. I don’t feel like i’m inside of someone’s skin.
But i rarely feel that way. I want to remedy that, and change my lifestyle and physical gender as much as possible. As time goes on, doing that is just going to get harder and harder. I’m happy that i’ve started so early in my life. But it’s going to be a tough journey. A journey i’ve only just started.
You know i haven’t been to school or anywhere when i start talking about frogs! I’ve been helping a few as of late. I tend to see them in the middle of the road or somewhere not close to a forest (For a frog), and then i help them by carrying them to a one! Idonno.. I just enjoy helping out in whichever way i can.
Something else i see while walking outside are cats! Cat after cat after cat! I have to say though! It’s very great in this time of year, when you meet so many animals. Yet another thing about fall that i love.
AmazingAtheist is getting quite annoyed at his former best friend, Cody Weber. So much so that he’s threatening Cody with telling everyone “his darkest secret”. I just wanted to point it out because i would love to hear it, and it would be satisfying to see Amazingatheist shut Cody up for being an obnoxious douche about the breakup that took place a few months ago. I mean.. Get over it, am i right?
I’ve been playing some skyrim today. Tried a few mods and what not. Nothing too special. Then i played borderlands with my brother for a while. We just killed “sledge”, which means we’re about to head to the second part of the desert area, and head into “new haven”. Which is where the game starts to get very interesting. And it is on the second playthrough.
Less than a week until my first meeting with my psychiatrist. It’ll be great, cause i need to talk about my gender issues. It’s been over a year now that i came out to my family, and i’ve done no progress in terms of accepting myself in any way. I’m just not getting support at home, and both mom and dad has made that perfectly clear. I fear that, as soon as i move out, the family’s gonna start becoming split. But, that’s just speculations on my part. I have no clue how it’ll work out.
Speaking of moving out. I checked for that school loan i applied for, and hadn’t gotten an answer yet. Should get an answer fairly soon.
This song explains the my transsexual struggles very well: