Day 129: Probing the depths of my mind
In today’s post:
I feel that i used to be a much stronger person. Maybe it’s because i also used to suppress my emotions, and think very strange thoughts about them. I guess the time it changes was when i broke up with someone i thought was the love of my life. I think i realized at that point that i wasn’t being entirely honest with myself, and that i in turn, lied to her.
One lie that persisted the entire relationship was about me sending her a response letter. You see, she really fancied the idea of exchanging “snail-mail” (Not email) to one another. She really loved the idea of that. And surely, she begun by sending me a letter (Which i still hold on to to this day. Although i do have something planned for it once i move out of my parents place), and.. well.. instead of telling her about the feelings i had regarding the reality of our more and more intimate long distance relationship, i just told her i had sent one.
I don’t know why i began thinking of this. I guess the insane pressure i’ve been feeling the last two days from school must have triggered something in me. Maybe i’ve realized something. It’s funny, because i listened to a podcast called “Making it” on the nerdist network, and they talked about something akin to that. “It’s impossible to see the problem when you’re on that track”.
Maybe i’ll get more answers once i get to talk to the psychiatrist in about 8 days. It’ll be very interesting.
School went slightly better today than tomorrow. Got some more info on what to do, and i’m basically all set for a run down of the theory on the chapters we’re reading now. So that’s always great. Then we get to do the test whenever we want as well, which is also a luxury.
I’ve learned that, no matter how much i think i understand things, i don’t, really. Not until i’ve actually practiced it and been out there. So that’s a valuable lesson.
Anyway.. Played the last part of the borderlands Jacob’s cove DLC, and it was really fun! Great fun blasting zombies and what not.
Will probably relax for a bit, and read up a little on the chapters. Might play some borderlands as well. There were apparently more DLCs for it. So we’ll see.
Someone took a bunch of Louis CK clips and made a short 10 minute documentary: