Day 103: Flirty transsexual
In today’s post:
Morality debate. Harry Potter is a cash-grab? Transsexual problems. Doubting school. Meandering bullshit. And HarryPartridge
Yesterday, i got myself into quite a bit of discussion. It was pretty nice for the most part, although i will tell about the bad parts later on in this post.
But first up! Morality. My vegan twitter friend, me, and some other cool guy i recently followed got into a discussion about morality. I learned a lot about morality and how him as a vegan looks at it. I looked up what it meant and everything. If i understood things right, the argument he made was that morality is objective. Basically that there are absolute morals. But from what i found, morals basically means, a perception of what’s right and wrong, based on social groups, society, religion, etc. Which makes it completely subjective, and kind of meaningless. To give an example, Hitler was being moral, according to him and the contemporary culture in which he lived in. But to my morals, he was very wrong. Dead wrong, in fact.
Not that this was a part of the argument, but maybe there is a study where you try to find the best morals. Which would maximize human happiness, and minimize humans suffering. But i know very little of the study of morality. All i’m saying is that my vegan twitter friend was in the wrong on this one.
Arguing about Harry Potter
Another argument i had earlier was with some random guy on skype (Of all places). We got into a discussion about Harry Potter. I told him i thought the series was really good, and then he went on to say that it’s not art, and how Rolling only went into it for the money. I asked him to explain himself, and somehow, it got into a nasty situation, which eventually lead to me asking him to justify the position. So he went on a very long winded explanation as to why it’s not art and how it was only made for commercial purposes. He stated that it was very text-book heavy, and that, to him, was proof enough of his claims. He also made some other points which were equally as invalid (at least if you ask me), and before i could refute them, he went on to tell me how i’m basically stupid for not being able to see it the way he does, and that i don’t know anything about what i’m saying (He would make really arrogant comments the whole for the discussion, by the way).
So it went into more nastiness, and nothing productive was done. All because he can’t take criticism. I’ve dealt with his kind before, and they’re all the same, really. They get butthurt when they talk with someone of a different view, and then go on to blame you for being this and that, and not knowing this or that.
I got annoyed with him, and actually laughed a few times. So i let my emotions take over for a while. Which i don’t like. It’s also very possible that he simply doesn’t understand English as well as he’d like to think. Because a lot of the time, he didn’t seem to grasp what i was saying. Which how the conversation ended. He made a strawman against me, telling me to answer something based on the strawman. I told him that he was making a strawman, and he told me that i was “playing tricks” and “plotting things” against him. Which, at that moment, made me realize that i was talking to what’s basically a fundamentalist, and that i’m wasting my time. Because fundamentalists say the same thing to atheists when you try to explain to them why their initial questions are wrong to begin with.
But that’s just life. Some people will be butthurt over small things, and arguments will erupt over it.
The last chat i got into yesterday was probably the more pleasant one (First half of it, that is). This time, it was via twitter DM, with a charming, smart and handsome guy. We had a lot of fun with flirting and what not, until my transsexuality came into the discussion. This wasn’t the first time i had gotten sad about a man’s view change about me, because of that knowledge being “spilled”, so to speak. It’s not saddening because of the man, it’s saddening because it’s always made me feel that i’m not a woman. But this time, it really struck home.
Because i will never be a woman to most people. Nor will i be a man, not that i care about that. But my point is that, i will always be someone whom people will not know how to act around. Because gender is so ingrained in people’s way of speaking and acting among one another, and since i have nothing, it’ll just be awkward, and i think it’ll be expected of me not to flirt with anyone, because it’s just awkward.
I don’t know. Maybe i’m making no sense at all, or just bloating up something that isn’t an issue. But i’m very depressed by this fact. And really, i shouldn’t drag this guy into anything anymore. I shouldn’t flirt with anyone. It was very stupid of me to think for a second that a man would be able to look past this one fact, that make so many people uncomfortable.
I’m a very stupid person.
The first school doubts
So i applied for a loan and grant from the government run buisness “CSN” now, and hoping for an answer sometime next week. I also took the time to check the schedule of the class i’m attending… and it made me doubtful. It made me feel that perhaps it isn’t something i should study up on.
My schedule “Computer networking”.
- IT Essentials – Whatever that means. Probably the equipment you use when dealing with IT. Like computer software and hardware, as well as hardware outside of a computer. Like cords and adapters.
- Computer net 1 – basics – How computers connect to each other i guess. IP addresses, sockets, mac addresses, routers, etc.
- Computer net 2 – Routing basics – Maybe more practical, dealing with cords, routers and what not.
- Computer net 3 – Switching basics – How switches work? It all sounds very basic so far, not gonna lie.
- Computer net 4 – WAN intro – Wireless network, i guess. Omni/unidirectional antennas, etc.
- Learning while working – Internship, it seems. Already, on year one.
- Installation in broadband networks – These last ones make me very skeptical.. I mean. So my job will be to install broadband in places? Do you have to wear a blue overall then? And to what kind of people? I honestly don’t care about helping individuals. If it’s companies, sure, but everyday people, i just fucking despise at the moment. #Hyperbole
Well, it’s not like i have much of a choice now though. Although, reading it through, it does seem kind of interesting, except for the last part. I just have some natural doubts for it.
My day has been depressing. I haven’t done much. Talked with my brother a little, and just loitered. I feel pretty useless right now. I feel like a waste of human flesh and i just want to wane away.
Chatting a little with that guy i talked about earlier. Probably for the last time, i recon.
Anyhow.. I have a feeling that i need to stop worrying about what’s on my mind. My transsexuality. But if i ignore it, i just end up more depressed in the long run. Which is an issue. The day when i go see a professional is closing in rapidly though. I think vacation time’s over the moment i start school, which will be an ample time to find someone to talk to about it.
I’m not sure. Relax a bit, i suppose. Maybe do some programming if i feel like it. We’ll see.
I’m probably late to the game, but this guy makes some great animation. This one’s about skyrim: