Archive | August 2012

Day 132: WordPress problems

In today’s Post:
WordPress issues persist. Craving videogames. Idea for a picture. New Borderlands 2 trailer

WordPress issues

This is the second day in a row now, where i’ve been forced to use the “quick post” on the wordpress dashborad when making new posts. I don’t know why, but the regular tab view just isn’t showing anything, and the big text editor doesn’t work unless it’s editing something. I hope they’ll fix this soon, cause it’s kind of annoying, and i can’t see the stats of my blog anymore.

Today

Tried some skyrim mods, and tried to get into that game again. But i feel that it’s going to take a few years before i can get into it again. I mean, i did get in 130+ hours on it, so it’s understandable that i’ve grown tired of it. But yea..

Been craving borderlands too. My brother hasn’t been able to play any today due to early work hours. But we’re gonna play tomorrow. So that’ll be fun!
Speaking of borderlands! I saw a great trailer for borderlands 2 today! I can’t wait! They seem to have addressed all the issues with the original.

I remember having some weird dream where i stayed at a stranger’s house.. sadly, most of it escapes me, but i remember that it was very strange, and it might have involved kissing a girl.

I’ve been thinking a lot about making a picture.. It’s not just any picture, but one that will hopefully span a year or so. I want a collection of everyone i like, in one way or another. Be it a musician, a scientist, an artist, etc. I was thinking of incorprating some signature characters and objects of those characters too. Like with Nick Drake, i’ll add five leaves blowing to the left (Five leaves left) as a metaphor, and “Hazy Jane” sitting on a fence next to him, to symbolize some of his best songs. Or with Lars Winnerbäck, i was thinking of having “Ms difficult” and “queen of hearts” next to him. Etc..
It seems like a fun idea, and if i can just figure out what style i’ll use. we’ll see.

Tomorrow

No plans!

Today’s Image/Video

The borderlands 2 trailer i saw:

Day 131: I’m a princess! Also, some serious talk

In today’s post:
Serious talk about transsexuality. Frogs. AmazingAtheist gets tired at Cody Weber. Borderlands

What if i’m wrong?

Before going into the post of today, i wanted to talk a little more on my transsexuality.

What if i’m wrong? What if my feelings stems from somewhere else? What if it’s just me having bad self-esteem? What if that’s all it is? That maybe i’m just making up these feelings. My brain wants to feel that way, and i just can’t do anything about it?

Sometimes, i just wonder. I mean, it feels right to me to be a woman. I feel like myself then! Unlike what i have in any other time in my life. When, in the few instances where i’ve been able to be myself, it just feels so right. I feel like me. I don’t feel like i’m a shadow of something else. I don’t feel like i’m inside of someone’s skin.
But i rarely feel that way. I want to remedy that, and change my lifestyle and physical gender as much as possible. As time goes on, doing that is just going to get harder and harder. I’m happy that i’ve started so early in my life. But it’s going to be a tough journey. A journey i’ve only just started.

Today

You know i haven’t been to school or anywhere when i start talking about frogs! I’ve been helping a few as of late. I tend to see them in the middle of the road or somewhere not close to a forest (For a frog), and then i help them by carrying them to a one! Idonno.. I just enjoy helping out in whichever way i can.
Something else i see while walking outside are cats! Cat after cat after cat! I have to say though! It’s very great in this time of year, when you meet so many animals. Yet another thing about fall that i love.

AmazingAtheist is getting quite annoyed at his former best friend, Cody Weber. So much so that he’s threatening Cody with telling everyone “his darkest secret”. I just wanted to point it out because i would love to hear it, and it would be satisfying to see Amazingatheist shut Cody up for being an obnoxious douche about the breakup that took place a few months ago. I mean.. Get over it, am i right?

I’ve been playing some skyrim today. Tried a few mods and what not. Nothing too special. Then i played borderlands with my brother for a while. We just killed “sledge”, which means we’re about to head to the second part of the desert area, and head into “new haven”. Which is where the game starts to get very interesting. And it is on the second playthrough.

Tomorrow

Less than a week until my first meeting with my psychiatrist. It’ll be great, cause i need to talk about my gender issues. It’s been over a year now that i came out to my family, and i’ve done no progress in terms of accepting myself in any way. I’m just not getting support at home, and both mom and dad has made that perfectly clear. I fear that, as soon as i move out, the family’s gonna start becoming split. But, that’s just speculations on my part. I have no clue how it’ll work out.

Speaking of moving out. I checked for that school loan i applied for, and hadn’t gotten an answer yet. Should get an answer fairly soon.

Today’s Image/Video

This song explains the my transsexual struggles very well:

Day 130: Porn harms?

In today’s post:
A rant on the anti-porn crowd. Chill day talk. New blog record! And bird brains

Porn is bad?

I accidentally got into a discussion about porn on some idiot’s video on youtube today. And it’s the same arguments you get from all anti-porn people! “Think of the children”, “look at this brand of porn? That means all porn is bad”, “I’m going to pass laws based on my opinion, even though them eating shit for sexual pleasure has nothing to do with anything, and is only bothering to me if i look it up”, etc..

He also seem to think children are stupid, and will instantly have their lives ruined the moment they see a boob or penis. It’s the human body! Just showing a vagina or whatever, won’t do much. As for the porn videos and images themselves, if you’re so deathly afraid of your kids watching porn on the internet, filter it out (It’s easy to do), talk to the kid, regulate the kid’s internet usage; actually do some fucking parenting, you fucking asshole!!!

This is the world we live in now, where people think that the government should be the parent of the child, by censoring and making everything on earth child friendly, for everyone! That’s what they want! And it’s really stupid.

This notion that porn harms, is stupid. I mean, when a person gets to a mature age, and starts getting sexual urges (Which is natural by the way. Hold on.. let me type that out again, in flashy letters, so that it can be understood.. I mean, if there’s anything people need to get, it is this: Sexual urges is natural!!!), they’re gonna want to see or experience all things sexual. At least most people are. Some are asexual. So people gravitating towards that, is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s bad not to.

One more thing. Child porn isn’t all porn! Let me repeat. Child porn, is not, all, porn! And if you want to argue bestiality, then sure. Let’s! I’m on the fence on it, myself. Because there are cases where, if i think objectively, there’s no harm in it. As for any other weird fetish. Like eating shit, BDSM, etc. There’s no harm in that. If people want to do it, and they’re not directly harming you, then what’s the big deal? Regulating people form being able to do that is just you going “Eeeewwww! I dotn liek this! So i must ban it!”, and it makes you sound like a moron!

Today

I decided to start taking brisk walks today. Where i walk really fast and work up a sweat. I want to get in shape, so that’s what i’m gonna do.

No school today, thankfully. Didn’t do any school work either. So i had a chill day today!

Played borderlands with my brother again. We’re doing the “new game+” thing, where you restart the game, but with all your skills and equipment, and more dangerous enemies.

A blog note

I’ve wanted to point this out for a long time now.

My first attempt at a daily blog has most certainly been broken now. I think that one got to around 120ish. It was on blogger. So yea! That’s always great!

Tomorrow

Will do some school work. Read up on the theoretical and then do the test, i suppose.

Today’s Image/Video

Saw this very interesting video this morning. It’s about bird brains, and the mystery of language and vocal formulation.

Day 129: Probing the depths of my mind

In today’s post:
asd

Some anecdotes

I feel that i used to be a much stronger person. Maybe it’s because i also used to suppress my emotions, and think very strange thoughts about them. I guess the time it changes was when i broke up with someone i thought was the love of my life. I think i realized at that point that i wasn’t being entirely honest with myself, and that i in turn, lied to her.
One lie that persisted the entire relationship was about me sending her a response letter. You see, she really fancied the idea of exchanging “snail-mail” (Not email) to one another. She really loved the idea of that. And surely, she begun by sending me a letter (Which i still hold on to to this day. Although i do have something planned for it once i move out of my parents place), and.. well.. instead of telling her about the feelings i had regarding the reality of our more and more intimate long distance relationship, i just told her i had sent one.

I don’t know why i began thinking of this. I guess the insane pressure i’ve been feeling the last two days from school must have triggered something in me. Maybe i’ve realized something. It’s funny, because i listened to a podcast called “Making it” on the nerdist network, and they talked about something akin to that. “It’s impossible to see the problem when you’re on that track”.

Maybe i’ll get more answers once i get to talk to the psychiatrist in about 8 days. It’ll be very interesting.

Today

School went slightly better today than tomorrow. Got some more info on what to do, and i’m basically all set for a run down of  the theory on the chapters we’re reading now. So that’s always great. Then we get to do the test whenever we want as well, which is also a luxury.

I’ve learned that, no matter how much i think i understand things, i don’t, really. Not until i’ve actually practiced it and been out there. So that’s a valuable lesson.

Anyway.. Played the last part of the borderlands Jacob’s cove DLC, and it was really fun! Great fun blasting zombies and what not.

Tomorrow

Will probably relax for a bit, and read up a little on the chapters. Might play some borderlands as well. There were apparently more DLCs for it. So we’ll see.

Today’s Image/Video

Someone took a bunch of Louis CK clips and made a short 10 minute documentary:

Day 128: First day of school

In today’s post:
Detailing the first school  day, after more than 3 years of unemployment and stress disorder. A little more borderlands.

Today

It was the first day of school today, and i am just beat! Had to wake up in some ungodly hour (6am or so), and ended up only getting two hours of sleep.
But yea. The trip there was fairly long too. Keep in mind that i started at 10am, and got to the town the school’s in, at about 8:40am. To sum up the first day, i’d say it was hellish, or nightmarish. It’s obvious that i’m not used to interacting with many people or doing anything, really. It was kind of an eye-opener, how much i need this, to get away from this old way of being. Anxiety disorder.. Horrible.

But yea.. Things are going forward though! I love getting to a new town and all that. It’s a shame i can’t really be myself in my current state though! I feel so bogged down by it. Had to run to the toilet more than ten times before the day was done. To cry, two of the times.. It’s very hard for me, obviously. I’m just not used to it.

I was very relieved when the day was over though. Went to look around more in town, and ate some pizza. Then i took the train home. Tomorrow will be better, i feel.

When i got home, i told my family about my day, and we just ended up talking for a while. My brother and i talked a little about Borderlands too. We ended up playing multiplayer in the Jacob’s cove DLC for a few hours. Which is a good ending to the dawning of a new me.

All in all, i feel that unless i actually confront with my fears, and that which makes me feel very uncomfortable and all that, nothing’s gonna get better. So it’ll be a tough couple of weeks.

Tomorrow

Last day of school for the week. Turns out that it’s mostly homework for about 6 weeks or so. So it’s a soft start, thankfully.

Today’s Image/Video

Day 127: Borderlands 2 & and school in less than 12 hours!!!

In today’s post:
Some borderlands talk. Autumn is.. has come! And School!!!!

Borderlands and borderlands 2

I completed borderlands today! What can i say.. Very anti-climactic. I feel like i should sum it up.

The bad

  • Very short
  • Too easy
  • Not enough variety
  • World feels too cramped
  • Every main quest NPC should have had voice acting at all time, and not just partially as they did
  • Should have had more bosses
  • Could have been tweaked to make items, stats (Like resistances, etc) and gold more useful
  • Weak story

The good

  • Weapon feel is fantastic and very satisfying
  • A unique experience. Role playing first person shooter
  • A lot of weapon verity
  • Very stylized and great look
  • Funny NPCs
  • Fun and creative bosses, even though most were very easy to take out

All in all, the good far outweighs the bad. It’s a very fun experience, and i recommend anyone check it out. Especially now that the second game in the series is coming.

Today

Today’s been a great day. Full blown autumn in Sweden now, and i love it! Spent the first part of the day completing borderlands, and the second half resting and planning for the trip to school tomorrow. Since it’s in another town. Apparently, i’ll have some time to look around too! And best of all, it’s a town close to the sea! I haven’t been to the sea in years, so that alone is gonna be pretty great! Then to meet new people and what not.

Tomorrow

Schooool! In less than 12 hours now! I can not believe it! Not enough can be said about how big this is for me!

Today’s Image/Video

Borderlands 2 trailer:

Day 126: RIP Neil Armstrong, first man on the moon

In today’s post:
Neil Armstrong is dead. Borderlands. Almost time for school. Bird fishing.

Armstrong is dead

Before i go on about my daily blog, i just wanted to take a moment to address the death of a very influential man.

Neil Armstrong. You were an inspiration to a generation, and you did something historical that people will remember for ages to come.

Source: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/neil-armstrong-man-moon-dead/story?id=12325140

Rest in piece.

Today

On that depressing note.. Today’s been an ok day, as per usual. Been playing a lot of borderlands once again. Very fun, but easy game. Sure, i’ve died quite a bit, but i still feel that it’s on the easy side. I think i might be closing in on the end too, which feels a bit weird. I mean, already.

Other than that, i’ve done little else. Been feeling a bit worse today, sadly. But i’m sure i’ll work out in the end.

Tomorrow

A lot of preparations for Monday. Feeling very nervous! But it’s a good thing.

Today’s Image/Video

An oldie, but a goodie:

Candy Kowal

A person who likes to feel feminine and girly at times!

A Dose of Buckley

Angry humour from an angry man.

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

SJWebster.net – Indie Comics, Art & Video Games

Life of a Swedish male to female transsexual. Follow me as i go through my transformation.

Cait

My Island in Me

Life of a Swedish male to female transsexual. Follow me as i go through my transformation.

Ashlee's Blog

Just About Lots Of Things

INTO MIND

personal style, minimalism & the perfect wardrobe

Neutrois Nonsense

an intimate exploration of identity and finding life wisdom beyond the gender binary

sethsnap

Photographs from my world.

regan5

Tristen's Gender Journal

Maja Photography

World through the camera lens.

Thunderf00t

Science and Education FTW!

My Darkest Hour

My journey out of darkness and my struggle into light

Clare Flourish

Moving through the world, making myself memorable

Personal Nexus

Travel & Technology