Day 98: Not a part of the family

In today’s post:
Transsexual thoughts. Lots of writing. Music program updates. And augmented reality concept short.

My transsexual dilemma

I feel a bit torn.. Like i explained in a earlier post, i feel that i will split this family. I either want to be open to everyone in my family (And everyone on earth), which includes their friends and everything, or distance myself from my family as a whole. Which includes instances of me being alone with them somewhere. I really hate having to hide my transsexuality. Which i am pretty much forced to do now. So it’s a hard thing for me to deal with. It could also be that i’m over thinking things, and making myself into a victim. I should be very wary of the possibility that that is what i’m doing.
Still, i can’t help but to wonder exactly how many around my family’s going to be able to accept me for who i am, and what my closest family members will say to me, in regards to everyone else in the family.

Toda…. er….

Reason why i’m thinking so much about this right now, is because my mom is having a party at home. And we’re like, 30 or more here. So it’s quite big. A lot of family, friends and friends of friends. And to wrap up my thoughts on my transsexuality on this matter (Which is weird to do when you’ve started a new paragraph, but oh well), i’m just wondering if i’m going to get a lot of people in my family, telling me that they’re ashamed, and that they want me to hide it from others. Because if i get that, then so be it. I’ll simply have to distance myself. I’m not going to hide forever.

Today

Been sitting in my room for the most part, contemplating about my situation. I don’t really feel like socializing when i don’t really know what people really think of me. Not that many out there (In the house right now) really know about my transsexuality, but i feel like i don’t want to get used to being with them, if they’re just going to dismiss me later.. Maybe it’s wrong of me to think like that though. Another thing i think could be a factor is gender dysphoria. I really don’t like how other women get to dress up, and i don’t. I think i wrote more about exactly what situation i’m in, but basically, i’m just respecting the wish of my mom who asked me not to dress up around dad. Which i will do while i live at them. Plain and simple.

Anyway.. Huge digression there. Kind of disjointed. But oh well. Been writing a lot today. With this entry, it’s three posts in one day. Damn.. My fingers are burning! Other than that.. I’ve pretty much just been sitting here, being depressed for the most part.

Music program update

Did a little more on the music program too. Now i have some kind of framework, and i can actually start making the full interface for it with HTML/JS/CSS. Fun times to be had with that. Finally some graphical stuff, as opposed to fixing linking issues and what not. Nothing new to really show yet though. But i will have something in due time, i’m sure.

Tomorrow

Well, it’s sunday.. And people are going to be party sick tomorrow. So i guess i will just relax. Seems like a good idea. Oh, and on monday, i’ll have the 100th daily entry! I should do something special about that. Compile some pictures and videos, i think.

Today’s Image/Video

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

About Get a Grip

Code monkey. Opinionated.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Candy Kowal

A person who likes to feel feminine and girly at times!

A Dose of Buckley

Angry humour from an angry man.

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

SJWebster.net – Indie Comics, Art & Video Games

Life of a Swedish male to female transsexual. Follow me as i go through my transformation.

Cait

My Island in Me

Life of a Swedish male to female transsexual. Follow me as i go through my transformation.

Ashlee's Blog

Just About Lots Of Things

INTO MIND

personal style, minimalism & the perfect wardrobe

genderqueer.me

transgender & nonbinary resources

sethsnap

Photographs from my world.

regan5

Tristen's Gender Journal

Maja Photography

World through the camera lens.

Thunderf00t

Science and Education FTW!

My Darkest Hour

My journey out of darkness and my struggle into light

Clare Flourish

Moving through the world, making myself memorable

Personal Nexus

Travel & Technology

%d bloggers like this: