I was crying in the middle of the day. Quite a bit too. I saw some images of my sister, with her friends. She was all dressed up, she has a boyfriend.. Everything seems to be going so well in her life.
So what did i do? I cried, because it dawned upon me that, perhaps i don’t have a life. I mean, when i do hang out with people, it’s my brother and his friends. I know that it’s up to me to make bonds with friends, and that i can’t really complain. But i guess it was a bit of an epiphany. Decided to remove my sister from my friends list on facebook though! I figured that, maybe it’s best if i keep away from things that make me feel bad. Like people talking about illnesses and stuff. I just don’t want that. My body doesn’t need it, my brain doesn’t need it (You know.. I have some issues with don’t and doesn’t in this case).
All in all, maybe deleting her will stir up some discussion later on. I mean, i’m clearly too much of a coward to engage my transsexuality in public anymore. Just because no one’s really encouraging me to be myself. I feel that i want to be, but as soon as i live here at home, that’s not going to happen.
So yea, i’m pretty depressed. I’d call it gender dysphoria and sadness combined with some other things… But you know.. Labels i probably don’t understand to begin with.
Had some issues sleeping last night too. Which kind of sucks, but i tried to keep my hopes up about it. I have an idea to do exercises that focuses on releasing stress. You know, just wiggle around and get warmed up. I know about some good exercises i learned once from a friend. Re-oxidase the muscles, and get relaxation from that. I think that could be a way out. We’ll see.
Had an argument about freedom with Emily Jillette.. This time, an actual argument, spanning a few hours. All on twitter, which kind of sucks. Hard to really get your point across there. I feel that i should be less open about what i’ve learned from it, and that there’s some nativity on my part (After all, i do know that i have a tendency to always want to be on someone’s good side). But i learned that i should think even more about not making it heated. I hate heating arguments up. It just gets confusing, and it’s not productive in the slightest. Then i learned that i should probably respect countries more, and think less globally. Because i did learn much earlier that you should respect people’s decissions to run the country the way they want.. I mean.. Who am i to tell someone that your way is wrong. Even if i can compare with the way my country is being run, and get good points out of that.. I still think that you should consider the country’s way of doing things. The people over there..
That being said, i remain unconvinced that her point of view is something to strive for. I mean, i get her point, that she wants freedom.. But i think you’re a bit too extreme. I mean.. Where do you draw the line, and how should it all work, when you don’t have a government? The government shouldn’t be allowed to do anything that is against your freedom, etc.. I guess you can’t expect someone to write down how it all should work on twitter though. But i think she summed it up best yesterday when she basically said that she doesn’t need a plan.. How can she expect anyone to jump on board the “no-government enforcement train”, when you have no idea where the rail even is.
But you know.. All in all, at least she can admit that maybe she’s wrong. Which i find to be very admirable. It’s a lot more than what you can say about creationists, who will say that just as a formality at best, and simply claim to be right about everything, at worst.
She may be a little too stuck up in her own view.. Although, i have to admit that i could be wrong on that. After all, i suppose you shouldn’t confuse passion with lunatic. Even if they go hand in hand a lot of the time.
Sunday tomorrow. I hate sundays! Keep in mind, that i don’t listen to Penn’s sunday school on sundays, but rather, on mondays when the recording’s up. So there’s very little to do on sundays. I want my 3DS and games, i want to know if i will get into the school i applied to, and i want some hope.. I want things to do.. It’s coming. Life will not always be this way.
Seems that i went over the 800 mark on this one. Had a lot to say. Not sure if it’ll offend someone. Probably will. People get offended at everything these days. Not that i mind. I’m not like one of those douches who will put “trigger warning” next to the title. Because.. Really.. You might as well do that on everything then!!
One last thing.. I saw that wordpress has a section where it shows popular tags. Might as well use that to see if any of them fit into what i have talked about here: http://en.wordpress.com/#!/read/topics/ Since
Couldn’t really think of a video to link this time. So here’s a response from Mario to PETA.
Today’s mostly been about talking and moving my stuff back to my place. So yes! I am back from my brother’s place! It was great staying there, and i might even go back as early as next monday. We’ll have to see. Totally gonna bring my fan then though! I love having that thing on a hot summer day. Although, it is very rainy right now.
My own 3ds.. A pink 3ds.. You know, i love pink, but i just don’t own many pink stuff. I’m more of a fan of keeping it light on the pink. I love having it as a secondary color, but sometimes, a primary color.
The two games (Because Darrin was kind enough to include that too) that i got were: Mario kart 7 and super mario 3d land.
I’ve always been a fan of the mario kart series, and i consider when the series on a handheld, to be when it’s at its best. Mario kart super circuit for the GBA was amazing! It was so packed with content, and it was very addictive with getting better score on tracks. It’s also the only game in the series to make it possible to deploy blue and red shells as homing mines. It also had coins, just like the SNES game before it. Which would increase your score. So get coins and get a good time. Very fun!
Then there’s the DS one. Mario Kart DS, i consider the strongest in the series. It did everything right, in my opinion. Jam packed with content, very fun gameplay, crisp graphics, etc.. Then i also love the rest of the games.. However.. 7 is the only one i have yet to play. It will be awesome to finally get to play it! Once again, thank you so much, Darrin!! ^w^
My brother’s been playing a game called “Machinarium” as of late. It’s a quirky little point and click adventure game, where you’re on a post-apocalyptic world with only robots.. Sounds pretty serious, but it’s played very lightly. The robot you’re controlling is very cute, all the animations and the design of everything is really funny, cute and quirky. So i downloaded the OST for it. Cause the music is good, apparently.
And that’s about it, i guess. Feeling a bit tired right now. Think i will be able to get a good nights sleep tonight. Tomorrow, it’ll rain the whole day, it seems. Which is great! But if it’s just cloudy, or whatever, i think i will take a walk in the field. Hopefully, they haven’t been there and harvested whatever they have there, already. Cause i recon the ground will become less pleasant to walk on then.. As it becomes full of humus and shit, for a new round of.. things.. to grow. I might walk in another field if that is the case though. So many cool places you can walk here. One of the benefits of living in a rural area.
Sadly, i’m not going to get closer to my 3ds tomorrow, as it’s the weekend.. I hate that nothing’s moving on weekends. I guess i’ll talk about my ideal government tomorrow instead, as this post is already closing in on 600 words. I like to keep it around 400 to 600. Going beyond 1000 is too much, and around 250 is too little.
Not sure if i showed this one or not, but JonTron made a video about a very strange movie:
About that.. argument — if you will — with Emily Jillette (Penn Jillette’s wife). I told her i was for universal healthcare, she told me she’s against it. I’m for it because it helps the vast majority, it stops people from dying because they couldn’t afford healthcare and it keeps people from being in debt for the rest of their life, for something they have no control over (Accidents, decieses, etc). All we require to fix it, is to make a tax for it. A smaller tax, really. I mean, even someone with minimum wage in Sweden, could easily spare that money.
So that’s my view on it. Her view is that it infringes on her freedom. Freedom to not pay. She thinks it’s wrong for the government to take her money, without her consent, and that it limits freedom. She’s a lot about freedom, apparently. And people being in debt for the rest of their lives, is freedom? People being crippled by an injury they couldn’t afford to have fixed in time, is freedom? Personally, and maybe i am wrong here, i think people’s freedom to not be in debt for the rest of their lives and be crippled, far outweighs your freedom to not be forced to pay.
I have to say though. I am not sure if it’s worth really going any further in the discussion with her, because i don’t think that thinking it through is of any concern to her (” I don’t have all the answers. Don’t have to. Freedom can include things that don’t work.”). Basically saying that she don’t care, so long as we’re free to do whatever we want (Like Penn often says.. The nut point of view. If i have to say anything good though, at least she’s consistent in what she believes, and at least she’s clear on it. And that’s always something to respect, in my opinion).
I’ve found myself doing that quite a bit, where i just brush off people because i don’t think i can change their minds. But at least i can tell my point of view, which is all i really aim to do. I prefer to keep debates verbally. But you know, i should probably try to get better at that (Still haven’t read the comment on the vegan thing..)
Other than thinking of this most of the day. My teeth have been acting up quite a bit as of late. I need to get that checked. Listened to the 99th episode of “All gen gamers” podcast today. Been listening to them since day 1. So almost 100 now! Which is about 2 years of podcasting (Weekly podcast).
Apparently, my mom and my brother have been talking about my situation, and have decided that they should help me find my own apartment. Which is a huge thing for me! I love the idea. I need to apply for something called “sos” and i will get some money from the government by getting an apartment when you’re unemployed as well.. I’m not 100% how it all works, so i will be updating on this as it becomes more of a reality. But yea, maybe i’ll get to move!!
The 3ds situation is still on wait until tomorrow, when i should get an answer whether or not the money has been transferred…..
BREAKING!!: It appears as though Jenna HAS gotten the money.. Let’s see.. Yes! I have confirmed that the money is safe in the bag, and she’s now going to order it online! Fuck yeah!!
So next week, i will be the proud owner of my very own pink 3ds! Soo happy! Thanks again, Darrin!
Tomorrow, i should try to get my thoughts out on how i see the government, and where i would like it to go. You know, maybe give some insights on how i view countries, etc.. my politics.
I’ve also decided that i should probably do more editing on my posts, to get my thoughts out in a better way. But we’ll see when that happens. I’ll be going home tomorrow as well.. Kind of sucks to leave, but hey.. There’s always another day.
Later last night, a new “Meet the” episode came out:
I just love Valve and their humor! Anyway!! Off to the store to buy some stuff!!
Today’s been ok, i suppose. Still feeling stressed for no reason. Which really sucks. I don’t know what to do about it. Get something to do, is a good thing. Get my mind off of it. So writing about it won’t really help then.
The 3ds status! I got a message today, and the transaction from my paypal to my bank account was invalid, as i had suspected. I made a new attempt today, with new information, and hopefully, this should work!
So i got into a twitter-argument with Penn Jillette’s wife now about universal healthcare. I’m not going to say much more about it yet though. But yea.
Anyway.. I’m not in the best of moods right now. Not really sad or anything, really. Just not in the mood for much. Tooth aching a lot, which sucks!
Tyson linked this video earlier, and… I just don’t know. It’s strange:
I’ve decied that i will do the training and the blogging earlier now. So it’s about 8pm right now, and i’m about done with everything. As soon as i’m done with this, i will go to the store to buy some things.
Had a terrible sleep last night (Or rather, no sleep). Slept around 8am to 3pm. But hey.. It’s better than no sleep at all. I’ve finally started telling myself to relax too. I think i just never had a break for the “I wanna do this”, and thus, have become burnt out. Since i really don’t have anything i absolutely have to do until much later, i should probably take it easy this summer. Just relax and get my mojo back. I think that sounds like a good plan. Come to think of it.. I think all these courses i’ve taken with the employment offices has contributed to the mindset where i think finding a job is the most important thing ever.. But then again.. everything influences a person.
Been listening to a lot of Penn Radio. It’s something that’s easy to listen to, and is a lot of fun!
And yea.. I guess that’s that! Take it easy this summer!
Here’s a fantastic song from game of thrones. Still haven’t seen it:
Decided to just call it “HAFH”. Home away from home episode 2, part 1. It’s nice just sitting here. Been feeling a little stressed today too. Again, no good reason. But eh.. It’s pretty chill right now. I love the rain that you can hear from the outside, and i was thinking of relaxing with some miles davis after this post. So i can’t complain.
I’ve been trying to fix my brother’s steam today. Steam on his computer isn’t working. It says that it needs internet. Which obviously, we have here. It’s not the network (Although i decided to try out different fixes on it just in case), because it works on my computer. I’ve tried to reinstall, restart computer, uninstall, in many different combinations. As well as deleting the “blob” file. It stopps as “updating”, and tells me we need network. I also tried closing services from a list valve posted. And stopped firewalls, etc.. Nothing’s working! I guess we’ll have to reinstall windows.. *Sigh*.
If anyone reading this would like to help, please leave a comment.
I haven’t checked my 3ds money yet.. Guess i should, just in case it’s here early. Nope, nothing yet. Well, i should have it tomorrow at night, or at latest, sometimes this Wednesday.
Today’s Penn’s sunday school was amazing. Really manic-depressive. Penn talking about how his dad, mom and sister would have been proud now that he’s getting a star in Hollywood.
Tomorrow, i’ll be making dinner for my brother (He works nights all the time), which i think he’ll enjoy. He hardly ever eats proper meals anymore. So maybe i’ll get to be a little useful too. After that.. I guess try out some other routs to take, now that i’m sleeping in the middle of town. And that’s about it.
Adam Savage at TAM 2009. Not sure if i’ve heard this one yet, or not. But we’ll see.
I’m a huge fan of Adam! So i’m sure i’ll like it.
Last day sleeping in my bed… for a while. It’ll be great! I love sleeping in that comfy sofa he has there, and it’s always nice getting some true peace there too. Although i don’t feel that stressed out at the moment.
Today’s been a good day, overall. Found a new path in some fields inside of a forest today. Totally gonna take that one as much as i can. The thing is that, i crave difference. I want things to be somewhat different, and not be stuck in this limbo of samey samey.. So a really nice path through a field is always welcome!
I chatted quite a bit with Darrin (Retrocalypse) today on facebook. We talked a little about games, and a little about theology/religion, philosophy, etc. I really enjoyed hearing his story about religion and all that. Not going to say much about that though! But it was a lot of fun talking to him. He’s clearly done a lot of thinking about it in his life. Then he told me about how he lost 200 of his DS games over a year ago. You know.. I can’t believe i missed that update. I feel kind of bad for missing it, because i always talked about him as the DS guy on the internet. But he told me that he was kind of happy, really. Because he now only buys things that he plays. Which is still a lot of games, of course. As it is for anyone who loves games!
But yea.. Getting to know new, interesting people, starting to feel a bit better.. Rain tomorrow! Things are going better. Looking up, so to speak. Just as a reminder. I don’t like summer at all. I think it’s the worst season there is. Autumn comes after it though, which is my favorite one.
Tomorrow, i’ll be listening to Penn’s sunday school! Looove that podcast! Then i’ll be moving my stuff into my brother’s place for the week, and we might find something to do. So it should be fun! Another “Home away from home” series! I loved doing that. While i’m there, i should focus a little on revamping my froyojojo blog too. So i can finally start backing up useful apps and stuff that i use. I should check if there’s any news on the money for the 3ds too. Although i don’t really think it’ll get there until 2 days from now. And if i have the time and inspiration, i might draw my avatar in “ADVENTURE TIME” format! Which i thought would be fun. Got the inspiration when i saw this one.
Can’t say enough good things about Miles Davis. Wonderful song: