Day 9: Silence and the spirit
Last night, i felt as if i was going to die. I just didn’t know what to do. That’s how stressed i was. Felt my body protesting my mind’s fear, by almost shutting down. Is what it felt like at least.
But i think i’ve figured it out, and i feel kind of excited to try out something.. And i know this will sound stupid, but i lack willpower. As soon as i feel even a little like “Oh, i can’t sleep” — Even the tiniest bit of it — i wake up and use the computer.. Oh, gee.. Wonder if that could have anything to do with it. You know, this irrational fear of the silence, and not having a distraction. INstead of dealing with the issues, i distract myself to forget about them instead…
No, i think it’s best if i shut down my PC instead, and enjoy the silence that comes from the night.. A silence i have long since forgotten.
Anyway! So i feel like maybe with this.. Maybe if i have some willpower to change this around, to become more energetic and stressfree, i can also become happier.. Needless to say, i suppose! xD
So i feel like i have some fighting spirit right now. Feels kind of good. Reason why i’m writing this now, and not later like i usually do, is because i aim to just sit around, relaxing all day today. So nothing’ll happen. Just a report on my mental health. It may be hard at first, and it may not even work all the time.. But i must try it, because i know in the long run, it will be for the better. To not be bound by weird rituals that served to distract me from myself.
I’ll be mostly watching slimkirby’s mario party LPs.. Those are long, with a commentary from a man whose voice is easy to listen to.