The road most commonly traveled

For a number of years now, i’ve felt less and less inclined to change genders. I don’t know when i decided to put this little deadline on myself, but i decided that this year’s Autumn was the deadline for my decision. The deadline for when i’ve got to take the road most commonly traveled. The deadline for when i have to move on.

I’m not trans! I’m someone who doesn’t really care about gender identity. Not in myself; not in others (On account on me being a bisexual). Now, i could be one of those who feel like this needs a label, but i’d rather just let people perceive me as they wish, because to me, it doesn’t matter. And since it doesn’t matter, why put a label on it? Why should i be concerned about that?

Sex is a binary. You either have a dick or a vagina. But gender is a matter of many things. We’re all on different levels of masculinity and femininity, so it becomes a gradient. A gradient where you don’t mind appearing as a manly viking, but also don’t mind appearing as a girly girl.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter to me, so therefor, i’ll just default to the one i have now, so i don’t have to mess around with the many hardships that HRT, speech therapy and SRS brings. And it feels liberating to write this down. I used to think that my anxiety was linked to gender dysphoria, yet i’ve gone around presenting male all this time, and the anxiety has gone down! Of course, that could be a hidden statistic for all i know. Far be it from me to speak authoritatively on psychology and neurology. So like with everything in my life, i have doubts. I always doubt. But that doubt is down to the same level i have of my doubts that i’m just a brain in a jar in a simulation.

In conclusion, i would advice anyone to just do yourself. Right now, i think the way i’m doing me is a winning formula. I’m feeling better, i’m doing KBT, i’m doing all my hobbies, i laugh, i spend time with friends, and most of all, i’m presenting male. And all of it feels good to me. I feel right.
Of course, you can always develop as a human being and life is a constant self-discovery quest.

The Rape Triangle has a Slippery Slope

This is the Rape Triangle by 11th Principle: Consent, and I’m here to bitch about it:
14705811_1126782280708564_64174307146184280_n.png
First step of the triangle:
  • Rape jokes are just jokes. Get over it!
  • Homophobia, transphobia, sexist attitudes, disclosure of private details has nothing to do with rape.
  • Blaming a victim isn’t isolated to rape. Non-consensual photography isn’t even illegal, and shouldn’t be. If you’re in public, you can’t expect privacy.
  • Unwanted touch that’s not sexual is by definition not rape. And it can also be many things.
  • Trump’s locker room talk is just what insecure morons do. What do you want? Abolish insecurity or just make sure that insecure morons aren’t allowed to talk about their insecure nonsense? Also, i find it extremely funny that this list brings up the Trump locker room thing AND the “disclosure of private details” in the same place! It’s just hilarious! I guess it’s ok to disclose it if it’s Trump.
 
Ok. Next step in the triangle:
  • Cat calls don’t reinforce rape. It’s just something rude people do. But furthermore, there are women who like that sort of shit. I don’t, but thank god i’m not all that attractive. And most Feminists aren’t either, so you don’t have to worry about it either.
  • Dick pics themselves aren’t bad. They can be if they’re unsolicited. But once again, they don’t reinforce some nebulous rape “culture”. I’ve gotten dick pics, and not even once did i feel threatened. And aren’t you referencing Anthony Wiener here? So i’ll have to amend my previous statement. I guess disclosing personal details is ok if it’s a man.
  • Whoever made this stupid thing doesn’t know what revenge porn is.
  • Groping if it’s non-consensual should be illegal, and is very wrong to do.
  • Up-skirt pics that are non-consensual are just creepy and weird. But it doesn’t reinforce some rape “culture”.
  • Threats and stalking aren’t even necessarily sexual.
 
Third step:
I know a guy who was dosed by someone, and my first reaction wasn’t that he deserved it. Surprisingly, without being told, everyone he knew was against it!
Is raping someone under 18 approved by society? I mean, let’s remove the fact that there are some cases that are mitigating and the few cases where a group actually didn’t care (Like a religious sect). Is our culture by and large for it? I would say no. Fuck no!
Groping is here twice. What the fuck! Who wrote this?
Safe word violations? How often does that happen? I’m not into BDSM, but from what i hear in that community, they’re very anal about doing things correctly. So when this happens, it’s a rapist, but once again, how is that cultural?
Sexual coercion is wrong, for sure. But how often does that happen? You’re the one making the claim, so you’re the one who should have some fucking statistics to back them up. But since we’re making unfounded claims, i’m going to make one of my own! I have a sneaking suspicion that the people who agree with this would say most things in our culture is sexual coercion (Like ads and movies and art).
Covert condom removal? Seems very specific? How often does a woman even do that to a man? Or vice versa (which is probably the case as well).
Rape is rape, but it’s pretty much hated by everyone. Well, when i checked, only 0.000002% of people ever rape (Some statistics from Swedish sources).
Incest can be consensual. And it’s not even violent all the time. I agree that it’s creepy and weird, but it doesn’t belong here.
Battery and murder can be sexual, but how often are they even sexual? So i’ll have to ask for the tenth time. How does this reinforce rape?
 
A culture would be if the culture approves of something. The culture doesn’t by in large approve of creepy behavior towards women, let alone rape! All you’re doing when you’re attributing all of this to rape is undermining actual rape.
 
You claim that this is systemic, but it strikes me that something that’s systemic should probably not be against the law. Systemic would imply that it’s legal to murder. Which it’s not.
 
As for your claim that the bottom ones reinforce the upper ones. All you’ve done here is list a bunch of unrelated things and put them in a triangle. Nowhere have you shown a correlation between telling jokes about rape, and murder. Show me that correlation! Show me the chain that leads to it.
 
In conclusion, this is just pseudo-scientific as hell! You can’t just slap shit in a triangle and call it a theory.

I’m priviliged

I’m a very privileged person!
 
I’m diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and panic attack disorder! I live in a country where i’m greatly compensated for my mental illnesses, and i’m given more opportunities than most people on the planet! I’ve been given an opportunity to learn how to handle it, and all the help i could possibly want!
 
I’m a bisexual! The country i live in, and my family, is very accepting of it!
 
I’m poor! More than one occasion, i’ve had to live with basically no money. But my family is very good at helping when i’m the most desperate! And here i am, writing this on a top of the line computer that has three screens and one TV plugged into it, an internet connection that’s top of the line! Three phones, a laptop.. The list goes on! Despite my relative poor income, i’ve been very lucky in getting stuff i want! To be able to live as a techie!
 
I’ve got a physical handicap! My knees are extremely weak, and my kneecaps get disjointed very easily! So i have a problem when it comes to moving around! But i’m lucky to have had multiple bikes in my adult life, and a country that makes the infrastructure such, that i’m able to move around with very little issue!
 
My point is that, i would feel extremely horrible if i ever told someone else that they have privilege, just because they’re not handicapped in any way, or they have a sexuality that i don’t have! There are so many ingredients that go into making a person! Looking at the package without finding out what’s inside is something only a fool does! So i wholeheartedly reject any and all post-modern political dogma!

In which i teach Jennifer Boylan about arguments

About a week ago, i asked someone to simply elaborate on why she would vote for Hillary. And without even arguing against voting such a way, i’m going to demostrate how one Hillary supporter completely fell appart at even the slightest scrutiny of her position!

This is Jennifer Boylan! And i asked her this (A greater context of the conversation):

“Is there literature available that divulges your reasons for supporting Clinton?” Twitter ~JennaGrip

This is a reasonable question, seeing as she had just tweeted her implicit support of Hillary. All i wanted to know was what her reasons for supporting Hillary in the election.
And this was her response and my response to that

“As opposed to Trump? The only literature I have is this piece of paper declaring me sane.” Twitter ~JennyBoylan

“So no real arguments then? Just your typical “lesser of two evils”?” Twitter ~JennaGrip

Which isn’t an argument for something! Simply stating that you hate one candidate isn’t the same as arguing for another! So it’s not an actual argument.

“You’ll find this shocking, but I don’t try to change people’s politics with tweets.” Twitter ~JennaBoylan

Immediately, she goes into defensive mode! Remember, all i wanted was to read something by her, wherein she defends voting for Hillary.

And i’ll have to add to this, that you shouldn’t actually go into trying to change people’s politics ever! Not in Twitter, not on Facebook, not on Instagram, not in an actual argument, not in a lecture! Not ever!
Change in people’s politics comes naturally through argumentation! I realize you don’t do that kind of stuff, but that’s the truth.

But more to the point, i didn’t even ask for that! I know, shocking, right?

That’s why I initially asked. You don’t seem to want to convince anyone anywhere. Twitter ~JennaGrip

The first sentence of my response is dead on, but the second one misread what she actually said. I even said “Convince”. As if she said “I don’t try to change people’s mind on Clinton”. But really, i was just disappointed that she wouldn’t make such an effort anywhere. Even though she does write for various different sites.

Whatever I’m trying to say, I prove it through the fact of my life. My writing’s not bad either. Twitter ~JennyBoylan

Your lived experience means absolutely nothing when it comes to argumentation! Should we automatically take Pat Robertson seriously because of his advanced age? Or maybe good ol’ George H.W? Or maybe we should discount age altogether, huh?

Your writing’s not bad either? Are you saying my writing isn’t bad? Did you mean “My writing’s not bad, either”?
You know, perhaps your writing is better than mine, but since we’re doing adhoms, can i tell you where you got that attitude? By surrounding yourself with Yes Men! Maybe you’ve kept hearing this line of compliments a little too long!

Here’s another thing on this whole “Aheim Bettar ett languich den ju!”. This isn’t my first language. Or second. It’s my third language. So if it’s not up to your highfalutin standard, i’m deeply sorry, oh, wise sage!

Or maybe i misunderstood what you said! After all, i’m just some English is my third language fuck!

Oh, you sweet thing! Twitter ~JennaGrip

This is where any hope of a real conversation ended for me, and i went into troll mode! She was already there, but now i followed suit!

If you want to read the rest, you can check the Greater context, and make up your own mind about this whole mess! I’m just glad to finally have written this, so i can put it behind me!

In summary, i’m very sad about it! Because i used to have a lot of respect for her, but after her horrible handling of even the slightest questioning, i myself have to question her handling of her questioning.

As a funny little extra, i thought it was amusing that, during this back and forth, one of her little sycophants tweeted me this:

Idea that tweeters seeking convincing actually seek to be convinced is hilarious. Twitter Elisa

Yeah, i guess you can assume that about people. Yup! Everyone else is close minded! Not you, though!

Sarcasm aside, i actually do hear people out. Don’t believe me? Then let’s debate, @TrulyTG

A Ramble On Gender Identity.

This is going to be unedited and very rambly. So don’t say i didn’t warn you!

When i was younger, my oldest sister would tell me the name i would have gotten if i was born a girl.
That memory lingers with me to this day.

I woke up this morning with a strange feeling of disattachment to my own body. I look myself in the miror, but i don’t quite see what i wish was there. It couldn’t be my body, because i remember when i started developing a sixpack back when i was much more fit, i was mortified. Somehow, being more fat makes me feel a little better, because it does mask those features. It’s not what i want.
And i’m not too happy about other more male features with myself either… Some of the time. A lot of the time, i can stomach all of it except explicitly being called a man or dude or whatever. That just sits wrong with me all the time. But so does being called a woman when i’m obviously presenting male.

I have had to learn the whole nature aspect of the difference between men and women. Whereas it came naturally to everyone around me, i just couldn’t for the life of me understand why everyone made such a big deal about someone being a girl or a boy. I understand it on an intellectual level now, but being bi, i still don’t make the difference between men and women. For me, it just doesn’t matter. But i do understand the difference, and it’s something that’s good to be aware of. Men tend to be more aggressive and women tend to be more nurturing. The differences that can be attributed generally to men and women are there. It’s nature! Anyone can look up the differences of brain anatomy, secondary sexual features and gender dimorphism.

I’m ok with being a man in society, because i definetely don’t feel the massive gender dysphoria that a lot of transsexuals feel. In fact, i question whether or not i even have it. Am i just gender confused? Am i trans?

One thing that’s holding me back is the frame i have to work with! I’m not so sure i would look so good as a woman. I mean, i enjoy the girlier things in life like makeup, skirts, nailpolish and stuff. But yeah..

Suffice it to say, i’m conflicted. Because i feel that i should just move on and live my life as it is, but on the other hand, these feelings keep plauging me. I can live this way fairly easily, but part of me doesn’t want to. I feel really good when i get to express myself this other way, but more than i’m happy to admit, i feel weird about it.

For several reasons, i decided to stop with my “investigation” (As they call it) in the transsexual clinic, because it just wasn’t worth it. The bad outweighed the good. What does that say about me? I’ve already admitted to myself that i don’t feel too strongly about it, but that there is some feeling there! So it would go without saying that my other priorities, which would have been impossible or more difficult to do if i had continued with the investigation, would take precedence.

Some of my friends have told me to try hormones for a few months to see how i feel after that. Or to just live as a woman for a while. But getting the hormones is a difficult task. Because either i have to go through the system where i get a million dumb questions just so that they can be sure that i’m of sound mind, or i get them illegally. But illegally would mean that i had to trust the person selling it, i would have to messure the effect myself, i would have to be careful about the dosage, etc.

I’m not sad about this at all. It just puts me in a very contemplative mood! Because i don’t really know what to make of these feelings!

Hierarchy of disagreement

I came across this in my facebook timeline recently, and i figured i would do an exercise where i try to replicate what the author had in mind for each of these segments.

“Communism will end most sexism because when we’re not competing with eachother over resources and everything is 100% fair, women don’t get left out in the dust with lower wages because they hold positions on jobs that are lower paying. Everyone gets their share, and that share is as big as the other’s.”

“That is, assuming communism even works. It’s proven that it doesn’t give those results (Soviet union, Cuba, North Korea, etc), and at best, it has yet to be proven.
In that case, i would think human nature dictates that we are competitive as well as compasionate. So a purely communistic society could never work, because it removes the competition completely, and no one is rewarded for harder work. I think a mix of socialism and capitalism is more in line with human nature. I base this on evolutionary theory (Survival of the fitest) and human psycology. Furthermore, i would like to point out that we’re not equal. We have different set of skills and those skills are valued differently depending on what time we’re living in (Blacksmithing was once a very valued skill, and coding is a valued skill in today’s society) and in what country we live in!”

“Communism will end most sexism because when we’re not competing with eachother over resources and everything is 100% fair, women don’t get left out in the dust with lower wages because they hold positions on jobs that are lower paying. Everyone gets their share, and that share is as big as the other’s.”

“Women would still face sexism in the workforce. The pay was never a question, but it’s how women are treated (And men, too) in places where their gender isn’t, traditionally (Where they’re new). People need to be able to get to workplaces they want to be, and not be prohibited by their gender, or be made to feel uncomfortable because “their kind” are usually not the demographic. Source http://www.thenewpotato.com/2014/03/14/john-jannuzzi-on-bbq-and-being-a-straight-man-in-fashion/”

“Communism will end most sexism because when we’re not competing with eachother over resources and everything is 100% fair, women don’t get left out in the dust with lower wages because they hold positions on jobs that are lower paying. Everyone gets their share, and that share is as big as the other’s.”

“There’s nothing in capitalism that excludes equal treatment of people in the workforce (And equal pay). I think going about it with “if everyone gets equal pay, that ends the wage issue”, is akin to saying that killing every elephant would end the unethical treatment of elephants. It’s technically true, but it introduces a plethora of new issues. What i’m saying is that you don’t have to use drastic methods.”

“Communism will end most sexism because when we’re not competing with eachother over resources and everything is 100% fair, women don’t get left out in the dust with lower wages because they hold positions on jobs that are lower paying. Everyone gets their share, and that share is as big as the other’s.”

“Yet Capitalist systems around the world has made women more liberated than ever.”

“Communism will end most sexism because when we’re not competing with eachother over resources and everything is 100% fair, women don’t get left out in the dust with lower wages because they hold positions on jobs that are lower paying. Everyone gets their share, and that share is as big as the other’s.”

“Sexism!? That word gets thrown around a little too much these days. It makes you seem like you’re very partial and brainwashed, to me!”

“Communism will end most sexism because when we’re not competing with eachother over resources and everything is 100% fair, women don’t get left out in the dust with lower wages because they hold positions on jobs that are lower paying. Everyone gets their share, and that share is as big as the other’s.”

“Who are you, anyway? Just a fucking Stalin worshipper. Why don’t you pray to Stalin some more instead of wasting everyone’s time?”

“Communism will end most sexism because when we’re not competing with eachother over resources and everything is 100% fair, women don’t get left out in the dust with lower wages because they hold positions on jobs that are lower paying. Everyone gets their share, and that share is as big as the other’s.”

“Commie, fascist, Kenyan, Muslim, Atheist, Satanist, Liberal cunt!”

Keep in mind that this is just how i interpret it! I could be wrong on all points as far as i know. But it was fun to do, and i recommend other people try it as well!

Picture!

IMG_20130803_190356

While browsing some old pics, i found one that i find to be a lot more representative (If you will) of me. I Mean, do i need to go into how there will always be some pics that are less flattering and some that are more flattering? Out of hundreds of pics, i usually only get a handful that i find to be “good pictures” of me. It really is as they say. You are your worst critic.I find that to fit for me, at least.

But anyway. Without further ado, here’s the pic!

IMG_20130803_190356

Candy Kowal

A person who likes to feel feminine and girly at times!

A Dose of Buckley

Angry humour from an angry man.

SJWebster.net – Indie Comics, Art & Video Games

Life of a Swedish male to female transsexual. Follow me as i go through my transformation.

Cait

My Island in Me

Life of a Swedish male to female transsexual. Follow me as i go through my transformation.

Ashlee's Blog

Just About Lots Of Things

INTO MIND

personal style, minimalism & the perfect wardrobe

Neutrois Nonsense

an intimate exploration of identity and finding life wisdom beyond the gender binary

sethsnap

Photographs from my world.

regan5

Tristen's Gender Journal

Maja Photography

World through the camera lens.

Thunderf00t

Science and Education FTW!

My Darkest Hour

My journey out of darkness and my struggle into light

Clare Flourish

Moving through the world, making myself memorable

Personal Nexus

Travel & Technology